[ibujari]

I'm posting in bi-polar because it seems to "fit" me best. And let me tell you, that's really scary for me to actually type. Especially knowing I'm not going to delete it before I post this message.

In the recent weeks, I've gone 'round the bend' and have been Super ***** to my husband, and as he tells me, my children. During the day when he's at work, I mostly play with the kids all day, but I'll have days where I just don't want them to bug me, I want them to play on their own.

And then there are "some days you gotta dance" and I'm actually getting things done. Laundry, dishes, floors washed, things put away, and I feel really great about it. Then I kind of "ride the high" for a day, until the house looks trashed again (thanks kids ) and then, I want nothing to do with house work, and I'll let it pile up, and ignore it for a few days. Recently WEEKS. Don't get me wrong I still run the laundry, but the clean stuff just piles on the sofa. I still run the dishes, but the sink is never completely empty.

And of course, the snapping. I hate snapping. I don't even realize I'm doing it. My husband has to tell me, and usually has to wait until it's been a week or more before he says anything.

And I've been extreamly forgetful. Our water bill is $90 because I forgot to pay it last month. HOw the hell do you FORGET to pay a water bill?!?!

Anyway, I've just started asking questions and looking around. Hopefully I'll make an appointment and get a referral and start figuring out what's going on with me.

[bipolar_bear]

First welcome to PC.

I am glad you recognize that someting is wrong. However, self diagnosing is really not a good practice. It is great that you are willing to pursue other avenues to figure out what is going on. Since it seems to be giving you so much stress I would encourage you to think if that is an option Adding stress to the symptoms may actually magnify them.

I hope you find some support here. And just for the record I have forgotten to pay a bill every once in a while and once even was the water bill! Take care and good luck.

[darkeyes]

Welcome to PC and the Bipolar forum.
I'd like to add that if you haven't had a physical, including bloodwork, including for thyroid function, to do so, sometimes it can be something physically/internally wrong that is causing or fueling psychological/mental problems.
Seeing a psychologist or even pdoc, is not something to feel ashamed about, sure it can feel scarey, but can help so much, and reduce future problems.
When I started treatment, I first balked at it and even resented it, but I gave in and today 7 yrs later I am so happy and have no regrets.
Please seek professional help, while internet info and books can offer lots of info, it can tempt people to self-diagnose which leads to unecessary stress, talking with a mental health professional, will benefit you so much more, and save you time by getting to the point(s) of the real problem.
I wish you lots of luck with this venture.
Feel free to come and hang out at PC, there are many supportive and fun people here, I hope you enjoyed coming here.
Take care,
DE

[bizi]

Yes I agree!
Pleae consider getting a physical examination there may be something wrong with your hormones or thyroid.
I too suggest that you see a psychiatrist(pdoc) to be officially diagnosed and treated. A psychologist or therapist(tdoc) does counseling and can not prescribe meds if that is what might help you.
You have come to the right place for support.
Welcome!
bizi

[ibujari]

Thank you all very much.

I have a 2:15 today with the NP (nurse pract.) for a referral. I will ask for blood work to be done. I just had a 'well woman' and decided against bloodwork since my 1 yr old was with me.

So today, I'll ask them to check my hormones, and thyroid levels. Thank you, I had no idea those could do 'this' to me.

And I'll be getting a referral for a pdoc.

I just got off the phone with a friend of mine, and she really helped me get up the balls to call and make an appointment. I'm glad they had one today, or I would be tempted to cancel later on. She's been diagnosed with clinical depression and has been on medication. I felt a bit bettre after talking to her, but I still know something is "wrong".

I will promise to stop self diagnosing. But I did take some PC quizzes, yesterday and will try to print out the results to take with me. I just can't do this anymore. The herbal supplements aren't working enough at this point for me to work through whatever is going on. I really hate admitting that because I try to live my life as naturally as possible. So, lol, this is a pretty big step/jump for me.

Thank you all for your support and kind words.

[darkeyes]

"herbal supplements" ? Some of them can actually be culprits with certain disorders, I'd stay clear of that stuff unless your pdoc or GP feels they are okay.
I wish you luck with your appt., let us know how things go.
Take care,
DE

((((((((((((( ibujari ))))))))))))))))

[ibujari]

She's giving me a referral for a pdoc and 10 mg of lexapro. She doesn't think I'm bi-polar, but told me that if I am, this may make it worse.

the herbal supplements were for "PMS" because I thought that was my issue, until my husband told me that I've basically been "pms-ing" for the last 2 months. and the only thing they did was reduce the length of time I bled.

[bizi]

SSRI's for some people can put them over the top and
become manic....prozac did that to me. Please be careful if you suddenly become feeling to good.
bizi

[ibujari]

yep, that's what she said could happen, and that I was to call her right away.

I've decided to skip today and start in the morning because my daughter still nurses once at night, so I want as little as possible in my system. (this was something we discussed in the office today)

[bizi]

the mania did not happen right away it took weeks to finally rear its ugly head. the hypo mania comes first and that feels great!
I wish you well.
bizi

[darkeyes]

I'm glad you were able to get in touch with your doc/pdoc, as you mentioned "nursing", you are still breastfeeding your one year old? Okay, none of my business, but it just dawned on me, the hormonal thing during lactation,etc. might have part to do with your emotions, like post-partum depression can occur, maybe a similar thing is also linked to hormones involved? Just a thought that came to my mind. Oh, I'd also be careful with your herbal supplement if you are still breastfeeding, it may get passed to your child, through the breast milk, you may want to ask your doc or pharmacist if that is possible.
Forgive me, for I'm not trying to make you worry, but just check, it can't hurt to be cautious when it concerns the health of our children. I hope all starts looking "up" for you soon.
Please take care,
DE

[ibujari]

No worries, on the herbals and breastfeeding I've been doing my reasearch on bfing and pregnancy + herbals for years. I've been a birth doula for nearly 5 years.

And yes, my 1 yr old is still breastfeeding. The World Health Org. recommends breastfeeding until the age of 2, or as long as mutually desired. So we're comfortable with our situation

Plus with the infrequency of her nursing, which is maybe once in 24 hours, but as long as once in 48. And always at night, for sleep, either as she's going to sleep, or in the middle of the night.

I'll take my first lexapro in about 45 minutes....I'm interested to see if I get that "loopy" feeling she said I may experience the first couple of days.

[darkeyes]

Lots of luck with the Lexapro, and good wishes being sent to you for healing,patience and inner peace.
Take care,
DE