Parents don't accept MI

My parents refuse to accept the fact that I have mental illnesses (BP2, PTSD, agoraphobia). When I try to discuss it with them they change the subject. I broke off contact with them for a year because it was so painful. When we reunited at Christmas it was unfortunately only for a few days. I made a bonehead mistake a few weeks ago--I was suicidal and no one was available to talk to me, so I tried my dad. Once again, he changed the subject. I had the intent to die and a plan, and he CHANGED THE SUBJECT.

Am I right not to have anything to do with them? Is it pointless to try?

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I am so sorry your family is not supporting you. No words of wisdom here, but know that your pain is real and you deserve to be listened to.

Thank you, ozzy1313. It helps to know someone is out there.

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I think you can still have them in your life, but look for others to talk about your mental illnesses with. I wish it wasn't that way for you, but sometimes our parents, siblings whatever aren't capable of understanding.

I can try, but it's really hard. They're always pushing me to get a job and expecting me to ask them for money. It drives me nuts, because at 40 years old, I DON'T ask them for money. My 39-year-old sister is another matter. She asks all the time, and they have no problem giving it to her. I'm not jealous of that situation. It's just an example of how they'll give money to a daughter who makes $100k a year but are paranoid that their unemployed and disabled daughter would ask for so much as a penny from them. It's like that's all they think about!

Whew, what a rant. I guess I could set up boundaries where they can't discuss me finding a job. It's none of their business.

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Sorry it's that way for you.

My parents are like this too gloaming & it hurts I'm at a point now that I get they don't "believe" in MI (unless it's somebody else) & I will never get the support I want from them but Hoover Dam sometimes I'd just like to talk to them without having to censor myself so much worried that I'll say something about my depression or other issues. Things have been better lately & am hoping we will get to a point where I can say what I need to without worrying about their response-it's hard though when all you want is a little support & you can't get it. There is always support here though-take care.

We are here for you. Don't ever hesitate to ask.

telling my family i was ill was the biggist mistake of my life. (since now they want nothing to do with me)

i know that's not helping really, but i want you to know you're not alone

That is a horrible situation to be in, I'm really sorry. If it were me (and I'm no professional so take my words with a grain of salt) I wouldn't have contact with them. You need to surround yourself with people who can help and support you to get you to a better and more stable place. As hard as it is to cut someone out of your life, it would be way harder to keep dealing with their negativity in your life.

Good luck!

It's just all kinds of suckiness when people that you should be able to reach out to for help and they just don't get it nor want too. At times like this , your best thing to do is accept the fact that they cant be who "you would like them to be" . It's really up to you if you want to have a relationship with them in general.
.

Find support in other people that are understanding, here on PC , Keep a crisis phone # in your cell phone, My Pdoc and T are part of a mental health care company, they have what is called a "Warm line " just someone to call and talk to for how every long it takes to calm me down ,Maybe check into your area and see if there is something like that.

Stay safe

this is one of my buttons ...........the logical answer i have found is u make a few phone calls to your parents church and talk to the priest pastor/rabbi tell them and tell him to have them contact u

u do this with their friends too
they will be calling and wanting to talk fast using public shame they are the one with the sense of stigma how do they like the one for abandoning u

this is fair game it has been common practice to use this since the 1300s back then u were in pillars/shocks for a day with something hung around head ppl pelted u wit rocks poo and food

I had to break down and email my mother to ask if I could stay in their house for a few days (they're out of town until April). This thing with my boyfriend is getting really bad, and I need to get away to clear my head. I don't know what they'll say. :-(

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My family was in denial for a year or three... It hurts, it was isolating and invalidating, but I decided that overall, they're good people where it counts and I would like to keep them around.


I chose to identify and appreciate the ways they did show support, and focused on that. Because sometimes people can't meet our needs, but they meet others that we barely even acknowledge...


For instance; My mom takes care of my daughter when im not coping, my family has never pushed me to get a high paying / high stress job and move out (not that doing so would make sense, mom's elderly and can't live alone) my brother keeps my daughter entertained when I'm severely depressed, nobody has ever *****ed or moaned when I had to quit my jobs, my sister and brother have helped me out of financial binds... etc...


Funny thing is, once I identified the ways they have been supportive and expressed gratitude for it, they became even more supportive and these days, the whole lot of them (mom, 4 siblings and cousin) have accepted my dx, which has been extremely validating, to say the least.

My one sister has even done some reading and has improved greatly in her responses to me when I'm not well.


I still don't seek them out for emotional support though, but that's because I don't need to, I have a support structure outside of my immediate family and that started right over here, at PC.


Anyway, didn't mean to ramble, just wanted to share...

There are many ways to look at a situation.

No parent wants to hear 'the news' that their child is hurting or has a disorder that will affect them for the rest of their lives. Some parents feel responsible for passing along the genes, 'What did I do wrong', etc. Everyone looks for the 'why' or some thing/one to blame. Good parents feel the need to 'fix things' for their hurting child with a kiss, bandaid, dr visit and the like, but BP is something they can't fix. In some cases, from old fashioned attitudes, the parents are ashamed. In their way, they can feel that they have failed you as their child. There are some who disown their child, then they don't have to face it. [Reality, that is.] A lot are ignorant about MI, but that's no excuse.

Luckily, times are changing and some parents are able to accept, learn, support, and deal with it.

In my case, my father will always love me though he doesn't understand [How could he?] and my mother was worse off than I. Due to circumstances, I determined she to be toxic to my mental health, and 'mentally divorced her'. That was one of the best things I have ever done for myself. I was then able to deal with her as a person, not as a mother, as I never felt that motherly love. As an adult, when she would start her inappropriate behavior, I would just get up and leave. Eventually she learned and tried to be pleasant when I was around, knowing I would leave if she wasn't.

We never had that 'bond' but I was able to tolerate her to a certain extent... and that was fine with me. She couldn't 'push my buttons' any more, because I didn't allow it. Talk about freedom!

We're all in this together.

I recently got kicked off welfare (they'll only accept medical waivers for PHYSICAL disabilities now, not mental disabilities, regardless of the fact that I'm waiting for a disability hearing) and mentioned it to my mother. I asked if I could stay in their house for two days while I figure out what to do next. They're out of town for the next couple months, so I figured they wouldn't mind. Boy, was I wrong. She said no and suggested I go get a job. Bummer. I honestly think they'd prefer I be homeless and not bother them. They rarely even see my children.

I don't think I can have any kind of relationship with them. It's painfully obvious they couldn't care less about me and my children. I just wish it didn't hurt so much!

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First, your parents suck, I'm so sorry. How old are the kids? Are you in housing?

Yeah, they do suck. My boys are nine and 17. Right now my youngest and I are living with my boyfriend, but it's not working out. My oldest is living with my ex. My t knows how hard my living situation is and recommended doing everything I can to move out.

That's why I wanted two days away from my boyfriend. I need a place to think clearly. My ex can take our youngest, but I don't know where my two little dogs and I will go. It's just so hard to think straight where I'm at now!

Just to clarify, my boyfriend isn't abusive or anything. He's just not supportive and doesn't love me anymore.

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Is it cold where you are? because camping maybe your best option.

My family doesn't accept me either. It's not that they don't believe I have bipolar disorder - it's just that they don't think that's an excuse for erratic or destructive behavior even when I'm suicidal. I've just learned that there are some people you can talk to about this and others you can't and you have to accept that. You can't change them anymore than they can change you. I'm sorry you aren't getting the support that you need from them so find a group of people who can accept you for who you are and confide only in them.

well i hate to do it but

truth bomb .........remove all the filters and all the restraints u impose

u caught your dad doing something tell your mom ......u caught your mom checking out the neighbors tell the dad

when they are all upset and yelling slap down the paper work on the table with what ever they say u have and go next time i tell u something and u act like that same thing happens truth bomb

then turn around walk out say call me when u are ready to talk i can use some help here and leave it at that

it will shock them and get them to accept what is going on or it will force them to bury head in the sand even more .....but it is the most extreme answer if this does not snap them out of and get them to look at the paperwork and help u ......they are never going to come around