[OliversTwisted94]

So, for years I have dealt with mental health issues. I've been drugged outta my mind by some pdocs, ignored by others, but my current one is actually very good for me. I am currently on Topiamate (100mg dispersed throughout the day) and Lamatrogine (300mg, but pdoc wants to increase the dosage to 400mg over time). I have had several diagnosis, ranging from Depression to PTSD to Borderline Personality Disorder. That basically means that I got written off by many pdocs and therapists. However, in the autumn of 2013 I finally came outta the closet as transgender and pansexual, and I got better remarkably fast. I went from frequent hospitalization, self harm and perpetual misery, to a much brighter place. I'm still dealing with some issues, but at least I know what they are.
Now I've dropped a ton of meds, and settled on a few concrete diagnoses. I've been recently confirmed as having bipolar disorder II. I've been on lamictal for about 3 years now, and over the past few years my mind has progressively gotten duller. I'm still intelligent, I'm just less sharp and witty than I used to be. I thought it was the myriad of meds I've tried, but now I think it might have just been the Lamictal. I arrived at this conclusion because recently, with my updated diagnosis of BP II, my doc wanted to up my Lamictal because of my sleeping issues. I wasn't so fond of the idea, but I gave it a go anyway. Well, after increasing my dose from 300mg to 350mg 3 days ago, my whole world feels bland and dull. Its like... Listening to music, I can't connect to the rhythm or lyrics anymore. Reading things, I can't comprehend the emotional state of the author. Things that used to intrigue and excite me, and bring out my enthusiasm, just DON'T. Colors seem less vibrant (I'm pretty artistic, and respond well to color- if that makes sense- so that's really NOT okay), my favorite foods and exciting new flavors taste blah, smell isn't important anymore (my favorite cologne seems odorless!). I'm an incredibly tactile person, so these things are awful to me. And you know that dulling of my wit and sharpness I mentioned earlier? It's gotten worse, so much worse. I feel less excitement about things that used to engage me just a few years ago (like reading- I have a whole bookshelf full of topics that I know interest me greatly, but I can't connect with any of them at all). I have a weaker memory than I used to (I'm only 21, I shouldn't be this forgetful!) And I feel downright twitty half the time. I know I have the capability to comprehend things, and learn new things (even though retaining knowledge has become much harder in the past two or three years). I know I have the capability to learn and expand my mind, I've been tested and have an IQ of around 130-135 (see! I should have been able to recall the exact number, I was only tested 4 years ago!)
But since that increase in dosage a few days ago, I feel less capable. I'm actually kinda pissed at myself that it took nearly three years to realize that the symptoms I listed correspond with my beginning to take Lamictal. I would have never made the connection had I not had the dose increased. It irritates me to no end that I thought this dullness and blandness I've experienced was my own fault somehow; that was a huge blow to my self esteem which, hey, as someone who deals with PTSD and gender dysphoria, is already pretty damn compromised. I just experience hypomania, so honestly, I'd rather experience sleep deprivation and some agitation, and keep my creativity and sharpness. So I really would like to conclude my rant with the following questions:
1. Has anyone else reading this experienced similar side effects from Lamictal/Lamatrogine?
2. Was it difficult to talk to your pdoc and reach an understanding of what was going on, and come to agreement to decrease and eventually stop the Lamictal?
3. If you successfully weaned off the med, how bad were the side effects/withdrawal; or how quickly did you enter a (hypo)manic or depressive episode.
4. Did you ever bounce back from the dullness, if you had it? Or was it permanent?
Any help would be appreciated. Just bear in mind, I'm not talking about missing the aspects of mania- just missing the beautiful parts of life in general, and missing a huge chunk of my personality. I'm very unlikely to keep the recent increase, and downright refuse to increase more than that. I would like to drop this med totally to be honest, or at least get to as minimal amount as possible. I want a future and want to attend college, and I can't do that if my meds are dumbing me down.

I just had a lamictal increase about 100 mg and I felt dull for a little bit, but the feeling went away.

Weaning off is just as slow as going on. Drop 50mg every 7-10 days. You got to wean slowly.

My cycles began right away and I was not a happy camper.

Lamotrigine has been good to me with minimal side effects. Please give it a little more time to level out.

[BipolaRNurse]

I'm on 400 mg Lamictal and I feel a little flat and not as intelligent as I used to be. But I'd rather be stable than be able to memorize "Invictus" or solve algebraic equations. It's all about the tradeoffs. JMHO.

My husband has severe memory and cognitive problems on lamictal if the dose goes over 200mg. We cut him back to 150mg. It is an improvement; not 100%, but much better. It is a known and fairly common side effect of lamictal.

[OliversTwisted94]

Thanks for the advice so far everyone. I really do value my memory and sharpness. I was just thinking about it some more and I think I'd honestly rather be hypomanic (there really aren't too many pitfalls from my experience; a little chatty, sleep deprivation.... I'd take that over having any part of my cognitive functioning impaired any day). I'm primarily the type of person who thrives on knowledge, creativity and energy. To have even a bit of that stolen from me isn't something I'm okay with.

I've never noticed or was able to register a drop in brain function. Maybe I'm brain dead? JK

Unfortunately for me, if I had to pick between stability and creativity, I'd have to go with stability. No use being creative if I can't stay out of the institutions.

[jacky8807]

Originally Posted by wiltedrose2394

Thanks for the advice so far everyone. I really do value my memory and sharpness. I was just thinking about it some more and I think I'd honestly rather be hypomanic (there really aren't too many pitfalls from my experience; a little chatty, sleep deprivation.... I'd take that over having any part of my cognitive functioning impaired any day). I'm primarily the type of person who thrives on knowledge, creativity and energy. To have even a bit of that stolen from me isn't something I'm okay with.

Im with you. I cant resign myself to a life in zombieland for the *hope not guarantee*
Of stability
So i use meds in crisis or in tiny amounts when i have to

[BlackSheep79]

I've been on lamictal since I was diagnosed about eight years ago. Over the years I noticed my photographic memory declined a little bit. Back in August my pdoc put me on Topamax (topiramate) for weight loss because I had to go back on Seroquel. I started to notice major cognitive issues, mainly memory and focus. I talked to my pdoc about a month ago and he said it's because both Lamictal and Topamax are anti-convulsants and they have these affects on cognition. I definitely wanted to stay on my Lamictal, 400mg, so we have been weaning me off of the Topamax. I was on 100mg and I have been down to 50mg for three weeks and I have already noticed a major difference. My photographic memory is coming back. I'm not repeatedly having the same conversations with my husband. I feel so much better. This is just my experience with the two meds your on.

[angelene]

Originally Posted by wiltedrose2394

1. Has anyone else reading this experienced similar side effects from Lamictal/Lamatrogine?
2. Was it difficult to talk to your pdoc and reach an understanding of what was going on, and come to agreement to decrease and eventually stop the Lamictal?
3. If you successfully weaned off the med, how bad were the side effects/withdrawal; or how quickly did you enter a (hypo)manic or depressive episode.
4. Did you ever bounce back from the dullness, if you had it? Or was it permanent?
Any help would be appreciated. Just bear in mind, I'm not talking about missing the aspects of mania- just missing the beautiful parts of life in general, and missing a huge chunk of my personality. I'm very unlikely to keep the recent increase, and downright refuse to increase more than that. I would like to drop this med totally to be honest, or at least get to as minimal amount as possible. I want a future and want to attend college, and I can't do that if my meds are dumbing me down.

I'm not bipolar but I have taken Lamictal in the past.
1. I experienced the dulling of senses and that was chief among the reasons I wanted to stop it. I live for music but the Lamictal took that away...
2. The pdoc at the time accepted my reasons for going off of it.
3. n/a
4. It wasn't permanent for me.

[OliversTwisted94]

Alright, I'm down to 250mg, going to drop to 200mg on Sunday. I really do feel a difference already; not perfect, but I don't feel like I'm permanently high or something anymore. I always felt like a stoner ("yeeeaaaahhh, duuuuuude! I know, I read a thing about a thing once!")

[Nammu]

I'm with those that would rather be stable. But yah, I noticed a dulling and I noticed I miss the typos in my posts a lot more now, but it doesn't bother me as much as it would have before. Ie I don't think I'm getting judged for not being perfect, but maybe that's just cause it's PC where people are accepted as they are not for who the public thinks they aught to be.

[Hexagram]

Now that your physician has settled on the Bipolar II diagnosis, how come you're limited to Topiramate and Lamictal, as opposed to other alternatives? Perhaps you might feel less "dulled" on Depakote, or Lithium, or Carbamazepine? Disclaimer: well-meaning noob here.

[OliversTwisted94]

They've run the gamut on my diagnosis. It started out as BP type I, and I was put on Abilify. After that my diagnosis was changed a dozens of times. They've also pumped me full of almost a hundred different drugs; I've been on Serequil, Zoloft, Sertraline, Risperidone, Haloperidol, Lithium (no longer able to take that one; Prolonged QT Intervals on ECG), Geodon (ECG again), Wellbutrin, Prozac, just to name a few. 14 psychiatric hospitalizations over the course of 3 years seem to make the doctors creative with meds

Point is, we've got it down to ADD, Bipolar II, PTSD and General Anxiety Disorder (though the anxiety is definitely more of a social anxiety thing more than anything else). I've already tried a lot of the "standard" meds for Bipolar Disorder when they thought I was type I, with no results (or negative results). In terms of mood, the Topamax/Lamictal combo has been most effective; it's just the cognitive impairment that's the issue.