[Becoming]

I was doing so well for almost a solid 2 months. Then bam one nightmare begins to set off my anxiety/depression. Suddenly, because of the nightmare, I felt like I needed to apologize to my ex, while still feeling relatively healthy and non-symptomatic. It set a trail where I reached out to two people to see if they could help me get a letter to her (since she has me blocked on Facebook). It's more about me clearing my conscious and putting things into perspective for her (explaining, but not excusing my past behavior, by explaining Bipolar 2). It's vague and all...not digging anything up. But these people are so unresponsive I wonder if they even asked her or she said something and now they're like avoiding me. I'm having A LOT of nightmares and disturbing thoughts which disrupt my sleep. And yes, I've been taking my meds regularly.

I'm angry with my Bipolar. For the first time in about 2 months, I'm getting anxious and depressed. I doubled over this morning which I haven't done in actually over 2 months. And I feel so strongly today of all days that I want to isolate myself and not do any of my schoolwork. There comes a point when I wonder if I should tell my teachers I have Bipolar 2 and ask for extensions on things.

I've made some friends aware I'm "off today." I just don't want to say anything stupid and get in some stupid fight because of my irritability. It's like I want the world to go away.

Anyway...today I just yelled in my head to myself "f you body, I don't deserve this! I was doing fine! Go the f away!"

My coping skills at this point in time have weakened and I'm finding it hard to believe that I can control my mental illness again and feel fine. Everytime I do and think I am fine, I relapse. Is it even worth trying anymore? It seems the illness is always going to win. Why should I fight it and not just struggle all the time to live life? It's a loosing battle. I just want this stupid Bipolar to go away forever.

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[avlady]

i hope you feel better, it will hopefully pass. if what you need to do is sleep, i think you should take a nap. i don't know why, but no matter what time of day it is, and if i'm stressed a long or short nap usually gets my symptoms in check again. You're under alot of pressure from school, that is alot as i remember being in college years ago, sometimes i could do nothing all day because i was worried i couldn't get the work done. it is a vicious circle. I have bipolar too, schitzophrenia and depression. needless to say, i didn't do great in school but passed as good as i could, i did what i was able to do. Take some ME time an have some tea, maybe chamomile, that usually works for me. I hope and pray you can get through this rough spot, it will get better, just take care of yourself first.

[Wander]

On my university campus we have a Disability Service that you can apply for with medical certificate(s) from your doctor(s).Once you have this you can apply for extensions through them and no one else needs to know what illness you have outside the Disability Service. I have used this a couple of times to get extensions and my lecturers were very understanding and gave me all the time I needed to finish my assignment or even sit my exam at a later date. Do you have a similar service on campus?

As for hating Bipolar, I am right there with you I am in my third hospitalisation in the lasy 12 months. This illness has robbed me so much but staying angry at it wan't help. I am slowly learning to accept it and adapt - it has taken over 18 months to even be able to that. Are you in therapy? That has helped me immensely.Hang in there!

[Becoming]

Originally Posted by Wander

On my university campus we have a Disability Service that you can apply for with medical certificate(s) from your doctor(s).Once you have this you can apply for extensions through them and no one else needs to know what illness you have outside the Disability Service. I have used this a couple of times to get extensions and my lecturers were very understanding and gave me all the time I needed to finish my assignment or even sit my exam at a later date. Do you have a similar service on campus?

As for hating Bipolar, I am right there with you I am in my third hospitalisation in the lasy 12 months. This illness has robbed me so much but staying angry at it wan't help. I am slowly learning to accept it and adapt - it has taken over 18 months to even be able to that. Are you in therapy? That has helped me immensely.Hang in there!

As far as I know we do not have one. We have something for special needs, but I don't really know what is involved with that. I didn't question it until recently because I didn't actually realize how much damage my emotions/bipolar could do in my life until a few months ago.

Sometimes I don't know how I don't get hospitalized. I think it is because I keep a lot of it inside and just keep struggling until some sort of light comes, but I have had pretty scary moments where I considered driving myself somewhere or having a friend drive me. I just didn't want to interrupt my studies.

I am starting Therapy again next week. I was suppose to today, but my therapist got sick. I haven't had it in close to 2 months now, cut back at school with the stressors and everything I really need it.

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