[boydisappearing]

Hello. I haven't posted in this forum before.

I have an eating disorder as well as bipolar. It started out as anorexia and is basically still that except I'm not quite underweight any more.

My mood is in the toilet right now and I can't tease out whether it's the bipolar doing it or the eating disorder.

I kind of figured out today that whenever I should feel good about myself, whenever people compliment me, I end up feeling much worse. It's like the eating disorder is trying to keep me hating myself so that I don't recover and leave it behind.

Today I sang an original song and did some poetry at a coffee house and immediately afterwards, amidst a lot of compliments, I just wanted to hide, escape, not necessarily "hurt myself" but not necessarily be nice to myself either.

I just don't know how to end this self hate. Maybe the bipolar board isn't the right place for it, but it seems decently busy and I'm hoping for the maximum amount of support.

[Victoria'smom]

Welcome. Several of us have eating disorders and bipolar

[Wander]

You are so welcome to post here as much as you need to, or feel like. Sorry to hear your mood has dropped. Are you seeing a therapist or psychiatrist? Perhaps having a chat with one of them will enlighten you on why your mood has dropped...bipolar or ED, or both in the mix. Is there any uplifting activities you can distract yourself with to try and lift your mood a bit. Every bit counts. Take care

[boydisappearing]

I can't afford a therapist, but I see my psychiatrist on Monday. I've been listening to music and talking to a few friends. it's a bit better... I think.

[~Christina]

What does your Pdoc have to say about your eating disorder? Even if your not "underweight" anorexia can and will tank your mood and increase self loathing, not to mention wreck your mind and body, (yes I deal with this)

Are you trying to eat healthy things? Are you supplimenting with vitamins?

Maybe your Pdoc will find a way for you to get into seeing someone that can help you process how your feeling and ways to improve your life.

[boydisappearing]

My pdoc knows, and all she says is "eat more". I'm having a lot of trouble eating, but the things I do eat are healthy.

I'm on a waiting list for outpatient treatment but that could take months before I get to start. I might try an OA meeting even though I'm not an overeater.

It has definitely already tanked my mood and increased self loathing. It's been 9 years, and a bunch of relapses.

[boydisappearing]

I'm taking my nighttime meds now, at 7 pm so I can just sleep until tomorrow.