I screwed up big.

I'm new here. I've posted a couple of times about how bipolar is messing with my job but today was the worst. I don't even know what to do with this stuff in my head, it all just keeps swirling and swirling....

I've never had a problem with anxiety before but I think that's what this is. And I guess some anxiety can be beneficial, what I'm feeling is not beneficial.

I accidently broke a machine today and my patient's daughter had to come over and call the company to get a new machine---on a Saturday. It screwed with my patient's schedule and I took quite a dressing down from the daughter. I have no excuse. I was trying to do the right thing but she said I exercised poor judgement. This was hour 1 of a 12-hour shift. She berated me several times and I felt like a piece of crap but I deserved it. I should have left well enough alone but I was trying to help and instead screwed everything up. I resigned from this assignment which is like being out of work until my company can find me another assignment. I'm so mad at myself.

I had previously told my boss that I was uncomfortable with this situation, too many things to go wrong, but my boss just told me it would all be ok and now it's not ok.

I don't know what to do with this stuff so I'm just dumping it here. I can't stop crying and I'm wondering exactly how stupid I am. I don't know if this is because of the bipolar but I know that the bipolar has been an extra high hurdle for me lately. It was all I could do to not break down in tears at my patient's house but I didn't....I waited until I was in my car on my way home.

I'm a nice person and I think that when someone is nice you automatically think that they're competent, or you want to think that. But I don't think I'm competent. It's a bitter pill to swallow because all I want to do is do a good job. I don't need to be the best or the brightest, I'm fine being average but what happened today made me feel and look like an idiot.

I don't know what to do with myself right now.

I'm so sorry this had to happen to you. I definitely don't think you deserved to be berated that way. Mistakes happen, bipolar or not.

All competent people make mistakes from time to time. It's because we're human.

Patients' families are the WORST! So many seem to think they know better how things should be done, if that's the case they should take care of the pt themselves. Sorry you had to be on the receiving end of that, but you are NOT incompetent. You made a misake. You're human. That daughter needs to get over herself.

That daughter sounds like quite the piece of work. Your patient is lucky to have someone who cares and wants to do a good job looking after her, because not all caregivers/nurses actually care. I'm brutal on myself when I make mistakes, especially with patients, so I get where you are coming from. But realistically, it was just an honest mistake. So the patient's schedule got messed up? Big deal... patient wasn't harmed, there was no negligence, these things happen to everyone. That daughter is taking her stress out on you, which isn't fair. She should realize that treating nurses that way increases our anxiety, which leads to more mistakes, IMO. So don't give up on yourself. It's just a mistake. No indication of your competence, worth, or anything else. Big hug!

Unforunately you're always going to have a seemingly tough time when it comes to mental illness, work and the general public, everything goes wrong when you're in a bad phase. When things go wrong, it SEEMS like the end of the world. If you can just hang in there and brush it off you'll be fine

Thank you all for your kind replies. They sounded like the healthier me before I lost my confidence at work.

Today I have an emotional hangover and keep hearing the daughter's words in my head, "exercised bad judgement...." It keeps replaying on a loop in my memory and I can't get rid of it.

But like most of you said, 'This too shall pass'.

Thanks again.