[Mimielam]

I quit smoking and it's really really hard..since jan 15..and had a smoke today because I just could not deal with all the pressure.

Mom's cancer is worst than I thought..having to deal with this is very emotional...she's going to start treatments soon..lung cancer stage 3b around the aorta...not good..there is so much to think about, to organize and I feel there's not going to be so much help.

with me having an episode this year, now this..the fact that my partner works days, I work nights..we don't get to much quality time together and every single weekend I'm having yoyo emotions going from being grrr to crying...

yes I'm taking my meds...

at work everybody gets on my nerves..it does not take much for me to feel aggravated or sad..I feel I work with robot who have no emotions or compassion

Mom's memory is bad, she's having a hard time thinking...

many say let me know what I can do...yea right...

soon I will be moving in with her because she won't be able to be alone during her treatments...It,s going to get harder and harder and I must be strong and not fall to pieces because when I'm nervous she feels nervous but I can't hide my bloody emotions...ahhhhhhhh

I'm having trouble sleeping, can't stop thinking..I would stay up all night go to bed at 6am..get up a 2h30 pm go to work..no life...

I need to destress and spend time doing something good...and stop worrying about mom, money, the fear of cycling again...ahhhhhhhhhhhh

[CANDC]

Welcome to Psych Central (PC). Here at PC there are many caring people that help each other.

I want to say from personal experience that it is possible to burn out trying to be the caregiver for another person round the clock. Overnights getting no sleep take their toll. If finances allow, an overnight attendant can be a life saver for staying stable. If not, you might find insurance will pay rehab facility costs. Sharing responsibilities with others may work. Doing it all myself drove me to the brink of a break down. Be safe. Take care of yourself first or someone may have to take care of you.

The forums are a way to share your story and also read other people's stories and share with them as well.
forums.psychcentral.com

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You might want to revisit with your psychiatrist to discuss the possible need to revise medication options for diminishing symptoms.

Some people find a therapist helps them talk through some of the roots their challenges stem from.

If you wish to chat privately or just have a question, feel free to private message me or other Community Liasons (left click on the name to the left of the post you want to private message, select Send Private Message)

Thanks for sharing your story.

[Mimielam]

Thank you for you're answer, I know I've got to call my pdoc and the nurse at her office. before I should also to for my blood work..so that means taking my meds earlier so I can get to the blood work place before it closes...and also means getting up earlier...I'm working on that.

Well mom's not at the point where I need to be with her all of the time yet..we should know more about her treatments next week..today one doctor said she did not qualify health wise for radio oncologie..we got part of questions...

Poor mom, since day one when they told her about this..she has not been able to cry...

I'll give news but for today, I just need to go rest.

[Mimielam]

finally got my blood work done: results..pdoc called me the same day because of toxicity levels two high...so my dosage is lowered..and got 10 days of sleeping pills to get me back to a normal sleeping scheadule..another blood test to do in two days and a follow up soon after.

Also took time to go see a gp for physical stuff, got 3 referrals for that, one all done waiting for results..

I've rested and took care of me.

Today was take care of mom day..it was the cancer center with the final treatment verdict..I just got home and I'm mad..yup...mad because the process is going so slow and still there is so much we don't know...I can't stand not knowing, not being able to prepare it drive me up the walls. the doc wanted to start her treatments next week..but no social worker was yet involved to help me organize for her to be with someone for all her needs...the doc just said, ok then it will be in two weeks....and now..this means what..two weeks to move her, where, what kind of establishment...ahhhhh I just really really feel like yelling to say that the administrative system is sooooooo horrible...6 chemo treatments thats all...every 3 weeks...she's living alone in an apartment..am I suppose to find a room somewhere, or an apartment with services...am I suppose to be the one to tell her..all the ****** things...ahhh I feel so lost...

finally, all this said, I walked in my house and know that I must control feeling like this because my partner has had enough of me being crabby all the time..so there you go, this is my time out..

ahhh also, I subscribed to a cancer community forum...and overtime I try to log in...I can't so right now it's frustrating..silly mac computer should remember my log in stuff..I just don't have the patience to fix any of this..

so now I'll take 15 minutes to see my partner talk briefly about my day and hers and than, I'm out the door I need to go for a big long walk.