[letsgogh]

I just keep thinking that I wish no one cared about me. Then I could die in peace and not feel guilty about it. I'm not feeling too bad right now but this feeling is just growing and I'm so tired.

Its hard when the emotions get to going crazy. The fact that you know its happening is a good sign. And don't feel bad that people care about you. In fact that it what is going to get you through life with a disorder like Bipolar. I would be long gone without support and trust me, it gets easier. I have been going for 9 years mainly because i found a strudy support structure to keep me on my feet. You can do that same and as you learn how to cope and manage you are better able to deal with the stress that comes with the illness.

[ca1ic0]

I'm in that place too. I can feel things getting worse and everyday is a struggle, it is just so exhausting.

And I feel the same way about family. I often wish they weren't there and increasingly resent them as things get worse. I don't just resent that they care for me, but also that they actually show it and are nice and concerned and whatever.

But my cats are what really keep me going. They would never understand me no longer being around all of a sudden. I am very thankful for them. They give me love, pretty much force it on me actually, and keep me here. They always treat me the same regardless of my mental state.

On good days I keep thinking that I made it through before and that I can do it again. And on not so good days I feel quite the opposite and that a preemptive strike may be best.

I'm sorry I don't have much to say that is comforting. I'm not so great at that. But I do understand your feelings and hope that things improve for you.

[letsgogh]

Thanks all. I just feel so terrible when they tell me how great I am but I feel like h***. I find it so hard to talk to them because it hurts them when I'm not doing well. My dad doesn't even know about how I am struggling, he lives far enough away that he can't witness it. I'm trying so hard to appear normal, so hard to finish my college degree. But I feel like I'm drowning.

[Crazy Hitch]

(((((((letsgogh))))))))

HANG IN THERE this too shall pass.

[Hexagram]

Originally Posted by Hooligan

This too shall pass.

There you have it... if you're really bipolar, you're virtually guaranteed eventual change. Be strong and hold on, better times will return.

[letsgogh]

I keep telling myself that, thank you.

[LettinG0]

You could have written that statement and signed my name to it and it would have been just as legit. I so feel the same way. Almost p****** me off that they all love me and think I'm wonderful! But, like someone mentioned....one thing for us is for sure....it will change! Hang in there and try to find at least one positive thing about yourself today....and the next.....and the next!