Not sure what to think

My mother recently reminded me of something I had forgotten. My parents divorced when I was quite young, and even though my father stayed in my life, I took it very hard. I was always a sensitive kid, and because my parents didn't fight in front of me, I had absolutely no warning it was coming. I remember that part.

What I had forgotten was that on several occasions shortly after they divorced, when I was about seven years old, I would decide I didn't feel good during class and ask to go to the school guidance counselor's office. I didn't know this, but the counselor told my mother that I was "severely emotionally disturbed."

Mom apparently flipped her shiz and went off on the counselor because she immediately decided there was NO WAY anything was wrong with me. She still believes that, and has denied my bipolar diagnosis from the start, and has been viciously opposed to and extremely nasty about me getting treatment.

I have very little memory of it, and my early memories are not very reliable, but I seem to recall sometimes I just wanted to get out of class and asking to see the counselor seemed like a good way to do it. But I can't swear to that, or explain what was going on with me. Maybe I really felt bad, maybe I was just a sneaky little cuss who felt like being lazy sometimes and figured out how to get away with it.

I just never realized that a professional thought I was emotionally disturbed when I was young, and I don't know what that means. I never thought I displayed any bipolar symptoms until I turned 30, but maybe I did when I was young and that counselor picked up on it? Or was it just my honest reaction to my parents' divorce?

My unreliable mother was in la-la land about it and for most of my childhood and young adulthood. It makes me mad at her. She had it hard as a single mom with a lot of chronic health problems, but there's just something legit wrong with her brain and behavior, and she knows it but won't get help. Looking back on it, a lot of stuff she did or failed to do borders on neglectful, and this just adds to the list. What kind of parent hears their kid's emotionally disturbed and doesn't do anything about it?

Anyway. I'm not sure what I'm asking for, here. Maybe just any thoughts you guys have, if you got something like that said about you when you were young. I'm so surprised that a counselor said that about me.

To my knowledge I never had a professional say anything like that about me when I was young. With hindsight, I probably SHOULD have! I know for a fact that I started bipolar cycling when I was about 15 and looking back on my childhood, probably earlier than that.

I hate that your mother didn't take it serious; but, I REALLY hate that she doesn't take it seriously NOW and is not supportive of your journey. (((HUGS)))) to you today and every day. I understand.

My parents and some strangers used to ask if I was depressed all the time when I was as young as 9 (I was) and I would always lie to them and say no, terrified of being medicated or thought of as a freak. I'm trying to break out of that cycle of pretending I'm ok all the time. I guess my point is that I experienced that as a child also!

I, too, was emotionally disturbed as a child. I suffered from a tremendous amount of neglect and child abuse and would fake illness on a frequent basis to get out of class because I wanted to go sleep in the nurses office.

I sometimes feel that my bipolar disorder has always been around, that I was simply born this way, but I don't know.

My heart goes out to you. My mom, too, was angered when the schools stated I needed to be medicated and refused to believe it was true. She was supportive of my diagnosis after I aged, though.

Hi Skywalking,

Yes, I've heard of this "denial" of any concern of siblings by parents before.

My personal opinion only, they care and worry about us and would like to believe we are okay.

Even when somedays we are not.

My parents took me to a child psychiatrist one time because I was having night terrors almost every night around the age of 6. He told them he thought there was something wrong with me, but they didn't want to hear it so they never took me back. I was probably bipolar then, but of course no one was diagnosing little kids with manic depression in the '60s. I had bouts of depression as early as age 10, which was when I first had suicidal ideation.

My parents would never have supported my getting help or allowing myself to be labeled as mentally ill. It was a character flaw, a weakness as they saw it. Who knows, my life might have been easier if I'd been diagnosed and treated when I was young, but of course I'll never find that out.

I was a troubled child. I would look for reasons (excuses like feeling sick) to stay out of school. Sometimes I managed to be out for over a week at a time. Allot of my problem were my mood swings.

I believe I was bipolar since late grade school. There were times I was very depressed. Then I can be full of wild energy. I could not dot still. I would do cartwheels in the hallways of the school until the teacher realized I was missong. They just did not know what to call it back then.

They actually wanted to put me on meds (well, it was actually for GRIEF ISSUES), but mom vetoed it and I am grateful for that. I didn't have easy time in my childhood and teens, but I somehow made it through and with some guidance, I did develop good coping habits and I didn't grow up thinking of myself as of broken goods.

I had a bizarre thing in childhood that I think would qualify me as disturbed...I used to wish for illnesses like cancer so I could be in the hospital. I always wanted to be in the hospital. I would fake injuries too, so I could get crutches or braces or an ace bandage. Sometimes I would actually convince myself that I did feel pain and it wouldn't stop until the doctor said nothing was wrong. I faked bad eyesight so I could get glasses (I got karma for that one because now I really am legally blind without my glasses). And I would also attempt to break bones.mi would jump out of my tree and try to land on my wrist. I would do complicated jumps on my rollerblades hoping to fall. One time I even let the heavy garage door fall on my arm a few times trying to break it. I never succeeded.

I think this was because my mom was depressed and never paid any attention to me, and my dad was chronically ill and in the hospital frequently. I think I thought having a physical illness or injury was the only way anyone would pay attention to me, since I was completely ignored by the kids at school too.

But no one ever knew. the school nurse brought it up one time because I would intentionally fall on the playground in order to get scraped so I could go to her and get a bandaid. But she never mentioned it to my mom.mahe just said if I couldn't stay safe I would have to stay inside with her at recess. My mom never noticed because she was upstairs sleeping all the time and my dad was too sick. So I'm not sure if any professionals ever labeled me like that, not until sixth grade started and I failed all of my classes (I was in the advanced program and had always gotten As and Bs.

This is why I have such a problem going to the doctor now. I always think that maybe I'm just faking it. That's also why I have such a hard time admitting bipolar - I think what if I'm just being dramatic? What if I'm making this worse than it really is? It wasn't until I had a psychotic break which I couldn't have faked that I believed it.

I did tell my mom I thought I was depressed once in sixth grade and she just kind of shrugged.

It's like you wrote a story of my childhood. In fourth grade I was sick physically, I was constantly missing school. The doctors were running tests and nothing showed up. Looking back I was subconsciously making myself sick. My pediatrician looked at my mother and told her that she needed to take me to a psychologist. She completely ignored it, didn't believe it. Even back then there was signs I was not well, also I also suffer from OCD and anxiety. My parents were never there for me, they worked all the time, I raised my sister while dealing with all of this by myself. Things went really crazy at 15, suicidal thoughts and cutting, and they finally brought me to a pdoc and psychologist, but they still were not there for me. I don't even know if they believe in my diagnosis because I don't have much contact with them for much of this and other stuff. My mom is also sick in the head, depression and major hoarder, but she refuses to believe she has a problem. What's so funny, well not really, is my sister has depression, thank God not BP, and when she was a teenager she told my mom she wanted to see a therapist, and my mom said no that all teenagers go thru this. So yeah I also had a professional tell my mom I wasn't right and she didn't do anything about it.

I'm going to go back and respond to everybody asap and thank you for your input, but I remember something else and I need to add it really quickly in case I forget- at one point a few years later, I suddenly had horrible stomach pain and went to the doctor and they told my parents it was stress. Parents dragged me into a room with both of them (awful), and basically went "what are you stressed about???" I think they made a few changes to our lives but essentially I was having a terrible amount of anxiety.

About that time I ended up getting very behind in some school work despite being an excellent student. I couldn't handle the stress of being in a classroom with a really nasty teacher and they actually had to transfer me to another school, where I did much better with a much kinder teacher.

I was always told I'm too sensitive, even by my psychiatrist, but suddenly I'm realizing I have had some struggles since childhood that I never remembered until now.

brb to reply to everyone

I think it is harder for previous generations to accept mental illness because of the stigmatisms previously associated with it and lack of treatment for. I think it is especially hard for a parent to accept that there is something "wrong" with their child, both because they usually like to believe that their child is better than others and it can feel like a reflection on them. Also if they have illness that they have managed throughout their life they may be in denial that a problem exists and expect you/ the child to be able - and willing- to do the same because it is their normal. Over the last 10 years and especially the last 2 I have become aware of how much of problem mental illness is in my family. They are "good, hardworking" people for the most part but quite dysfunctional individually and as a family- myself included. As a parent myself now I feel conflicted and at times compelled to get myself under control, scared that my child may have the same problems that I do, and wanting to be the best me I can be in order to be more helpful to my child. I sometimes hate myself because I feel myself being like my mother... who at the same time I love and admire for all she has done and gone through an loathe for her behaviors. I sometimes want to blame her for allowing me to do some of the things I did as a youth but that is all it is... blame. I recognize now that she struggles with mental illness and she really did the very best that she could for me. I am not trying to excuse neglect just sharing the thought journey of my experience.

I get this so hard. I'm sorry you and your sister went through that.

My family was also in a hoarding situation. It's been a trial for me to realize that even though I know they love me, deeply and truly, and did their best, that doesn't mean neglectful behavior was not neglectful.

I have a physical health problem that could have been corrected in childhood, that was not because my parents just...weren't there, mentally...and if I want it fixed, I'll probably have to have major surgery with a long recovery time. I only found out about it a few months after the bipolar diagnosis, so remembering this about the school counselor on top of knowing that is a bit of a saddening thing.

Thank you. I think I am doing better about it now. At first it was deeply upsetting to me, how she reacted, because she worked in the mental health field and could have been so helpful and supportive. When I was diagnosed I felt like I needed her support, and instead she used my diagnosis to hurt me. So I'm a little bit sensitive to finding out stuff like this from my past.

While she's not supportive, she's at least worn down a liiiiiittle bit over time. I'm not scared to leave my medication bottle lying around out of fear she'll throw it out, anymore.

That's very true.

By the time I was 9 years old I was self harming and suicidal but the teachers who knew did nothing, not even let my parents know. By my teens I was wild and as far as I can guess now had mixed and depressive episodes, and again was very suicidal. Yet I hid all this from my parents out of habit I think as my abuser threatened me with death if i told anyone (I was abused from a young age by a much older cousin.) The PTSD and Bipolar are hard to tell apart. I am amazed now that no one really picked up on any of this until my friends in my teens, but they just thought I was crazy. In year 12 I was voted the person most likely to wrap their car around a telephone pole. Bit of a hint there I guess. Wish I had of received help sooner as I would have avoided a lot of fallout. Twenty years ago was a different world in regards to mental illness though so I don't really blame anyone except my abuser.

As far as I know age of onset for bipolar disorder isnt until mid teens - early 20s. Diagnostically speaking youre counselor at school probably had no clue you would be eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder. You were probably exhibiting some symptoms that were abnormal and depending when exactly it was that you this young age diagnostics and treatment were probably very different to a point that disorders had completely different names.
If I was in your position I wouldn't worry or dwell too much on this. As someone with an equally irresponsible mother I know that it can be incredibly frustrating knowing someone told your mom to get you help and her lack of action could have in fact resulted in how extreme the symptoms are that you experience now.
Lastly, when I was in second grade I used to skip out and go to the counselor too. He had nifty toys and he was always happy to see me. It was a lot more fun then my classwork. I am sure since my parents were divorced and I was living with my exhibitionist artist grandmother and a mother who had the emotional maturity of a 14 year old and her own set of Anxiety and Mood disorders I was probably severely emotionally disturbed as well. While yes I am diagnoses bipolar 2 I am extremely high functioning and I love my life! Everyone is different.