There once was girl named Beatrice she was quite different than most girls. She was always lost in her own little world. She looked like any other ordinary girl on the outside,short brown hair, brown eyes, and all the boys thought she was beautiful. Nobody really knew how she really was unless they got close enough to her to see her.. She never wanted to let anybody in because she was afraid to. She always ended up hurting herself and others but she never really knew why that was. She was a very loving, sweet,and kind hearted person. She was always looking for the good in others and wanted to do the best in life. She wanted to help others not hurt them, but there was a side of her that didn't want her to help others. There was a side of her that wanted to hurt others and put them down and enjoyed doing it. This part of her was not really Beatrice she didn't know who this part of her was. This part of Beatrice was evil. Beatrice had good and bad days just like anybody else, but When Beatrice was having a good day it was a really really good day. She could fly and soar on mountains. She could do anything she believed in and nobody would stop her. Beatrice loved her good days she never wanted to come down it was as almost as if the world had no troubles and everyone was her friend. She could talk and talk and talk to anyone about anything she was the life of the party. Everybody loved this Beatrice and she was exciting and nothing could stop or get in her way. She could see the good in the world, she was happy and felt like a movie star. sometimes when she was having a good day her energy would build up so much that she had to do something to release it.The average person didn't have this kind of energy. Beatrice usually found herself at the gym it was great place for Beatrice. She could spend hours at the gym and not get tired. she loved it, it kept her skinny and fit. If Beatrice didn't go to the gym ,she usually found herself talking to strangers or driving really fast around roads that lead to nowhere. She had to be careful when she was up and feeling that good because sometimes things would spiral out of control and then she would do things she doesn't normally does and end up getting into trouble. When Beatrice was up she knew that eventually she would have to come down and that scared Beatrice the most. She didn't want to ever come down for she knew that when she came down the world would be a dark and scary place. Nobody loved Beatrice then not even her own husband. Beatrice would wait for days and sometimes weeks until she came down,but when she came down it would be all of a sudden. It was faster than the blink of an eye. When Beatrice would wait for that transition sometimes she would be in a agitated mood she was up and down at the same time and nobody could reason with Beatrice nobody. If you even looked at Beatrice wrong it would be your head.she would go off the wall screaming and yelling and wanting to break things. She couldn't help that side to her for it wasn't really Beatrice it was the evil Beatrice. lets just call her the other face. The other face had its own rules and way and took control of Beatrice brain. It wanted to fight and argue with anyone or anything. It would even argue with Beatrice in her own head. "Get out of my head "Beatrice would say to the other. The other was mean and ugly and was easily agitated it didn't like Beatrice being happy at all and it always put her down. Beatrice you are so ugly nobody likes you. Beatrice why are you married to that man y'all don't get along he is a jerk and she would call him all kinds of names. She wanted Beatrice to be unhappy and she wanted to tear her world apart anyway she could. The other was known to ruin relationships friendships jobs anything.Whatever kept Beatrice going and happy it wanted to destroy. Finally after the other agitated Beatrice so bad Beatrice would lock herself in her room trying to escape from hurting her friends and family. The other had a mind of its own.. The other would go off on family and friends and they would take it seriously but it wasn't Beatrice it was the other. Beatrice hated the other just as much as the other hated Beatrice they were well known enemies. Beatrice had been battling the other since she was five years old. The other loved to sneak up on Beatrice especially when Beatrice was doing her best. She loved to put her down and would say mean things to Beatrice. When Beatrice was talking to her husband the other would take over her whole mind and voice and tell her husband terrible things. Beatrice hated that part for she had no control over what she said. Eventually the meanness started to wear off.. The other backed away for a while thank God Beatrice said to herself as she had to go apologize to her husband and family. That was not me she told her husband idk who that was.. But she did knew who that was it was the evil the other. The other voice in her head that tried to control Beatrice.. If the other comes back again she's gonna ruin everything Beatrice thought. Beatrice tried to be normal and sometimes couldn't sleep by overthinking how to be normal. She would take sleeping pills drink and do whatever just to fall asleep if not she was up cleaning the house or doing art finding whatever she could do to keep her mind and self busy. Her brain didn't want tot sleep. Eventually at five in the morning She drifted off to sleep. By afternoon she realized she is glued to the bed she can't get up what is this she said to herself I feel so weak. Th other has made Beatrice weak,depressed, and sad. Beatrice felt awful and spoke slowly to herself why can't I get up. The day is gloomy outside and it made things even worse.. Beatrice knew she couldn't move well and needed help. She laid in bed all day long not wanting to do anything and not capable of doing anything if she wanted too. Her eyes looked drowsy and her hair was a mess and she couldn't even get up to shower. It's as if all the energy of the earth was pulling her into her bed. Today is not a good day she said to herself.. Beatrice couldn"t stay like this for she had a son to take care of who needed her. Her son needed her to be his momma. Why am I like this Beatrice thought to herself. This is not me I shouldn't be so sad. Beatrice started to cry and tears fill Ed up her sheets. She didn't know who to turn to or where to go. She felt so worthless. Who can help me.. Her chest started to get tight and her heartbeat started to race rapidly.. I cannot breathe she said out loud somebody help I can't breathe I can't breathe she held her hands closely to her chest and heart and started to cry. It escalated even harder is there anyone who can stop this she thought. She just wanted to be happy again.. She was just on top of the world what happened? Nobody understood Beatrice this can't be normal she thought.Then the other started to show up again. Nobody cares about you you workless piece of crap. Your here because you are cursed. Nobody likes you you have no friends your worthless and nobody needs you they would all be better off if you were just dead.. Why don't you see for yourself your just a burden to everyone around you nobody wants to take care of you and watch you yell at them and then cry and can't get out of bed. Your a hot mess and nobody wants to put up with you. Seriously your better off being alone they don't need you all you do is hurt them anyways. Just go away hurry up with it and stop sobbing it will be better if you do I promise you won't have to suffer anymore and they won't have to suffer watching. Who could ever possibly love you? You've done so much wrong in your life nobody loves you no one ever will either. Things won't get any better your gonna have to live like this for the rest of your life do you want that?I won't leave you alone ever....... The other I know is laughing bc it told Beatrice lies but Beatrice didn't see them as lies at the time she thought the other was right. Beatrice had to be careful not to listen to the other bc the other is a liar and wanted to cause pain and suffering for everyone. Once Beatrice finally came out of that deep depression and despair caused by the other she is was doing okay for once yea just okay.. Alive kind of herself for once not very happy but not sad either just her.. But then it happened all over again "when is it ever gonna stop" she says. When will the other leave me alone.. She sighed. If she had to live with the other always there she didn't want to live anymore it's just a lot to handle she said to herself. Eventually she got on medication to try and keep the other away but somehow the other always found a way around the medication and found its way to Beatrice "I'm not going anywhere the other said"and Beatrice knew that son of a ***** was smiling.

[Bipolarchic14]

Are there cliff notes to this?

There once was girl named Beatrice she was quite different than most girls.
She was always lost in her own little world. She looked like any other ordinary girl on the outside,short brown hair, brown eyes, and all the boys thought she was beautiful. Nobody really knew how she really was unless they got close enough to her to see her..

She never wanted to let anybody in because she was afraid to. She always ended up hurting herself and others but she never really knew why that was. She was a very loving, sweet,and kind hearted person. She was always looking for the good in others and wanted to do the best in life. She wanted to help others not hurt them, but there was a side of her that didn't want her to help others.

There was a side of her that wanted to hurt others and put them down and enjoyed doing it. This part of her was not really Beatrice she didn't know who this part of her was. This part of Beatrice was evil.

Beatrice had good and bad days just like anybody else, but When Beatrice was having a good day it was a really really good day. She could fly and soar on mountains. She could do anything she believed in and nobody would stop her. Beatrice loved her good days she never wanted to come down it was as almost as if the world had no troubles and everyone was her friend. She could talk and talk and talk to anyone about anything she was the life of the party. Everybody loved this Beatrice and she was exciting and nothing could stop or get in her way. She could see the good in the world, she was happy and felt like a movie star.

sometimes when she was having a good day her energy would build up so much that she had to do something to release it.The average person didn't have this kind of energy. Beatrice usually found herself at the gym it was great place for Beatrice. She could spend hours at the gym and not get tired. she loved it, it kept her skinny and fit.

If Beatrice didn't go to the gym ,she usually found herself talking to strangers or driving really fast around roads that lead to nowhere. She had to be careful when she was up and feeling that good because sometimes things would spiral out of control and then she would do things she doesn't normally does and end up getting into trouble.

When Beatrice was up she knew that eventually she would have to come down and that scared Beatrice the most. She didn't want to ever come down for she knew that when she came down the world would be a dark and scary place.

Nobody loved Beatrice then not even her own husband. Beatrice would wait for days and sometimes weeks until she came down,but when she came down it would be all of a sudden. It was faster than the blink of an eye.
When Beatrice would wait for that transition sometimes she would be in a agitated mood she was up and down at the same time and nobody could reason with Beatrice nobody. If you even looked at Beatrice wrong it would be your head.she would go off the wall screaming and yelling and wanting to break things.

She couldn't help that side to her for it wasn't really Beatrice it was the evil Beatrice. lets just call her the other face. The other face had its own rules and way and took control of Beatrice brain. It wanted to fight and argue with anyone or anything. It would even argue with Beatrice in her own head.
"Get out of my head "Beatrice would say to the other.

The other was mean and ugly and was easily agitated it didn't like Beatrice being happy at all and it always put her down.

Beatrice you are so ugly nobody likes you. Beatrice why are you married to that man y'all don't get along he is a jerk and she would call him all kinds of names.

She wanted Beatrice to be unhappy and she wanted to tear her world apart anyway she could. The other was known to ruin relationships friendships jobs anything.Whatever kept Beatrice going and happy it wanted to destroy.
Finally after the other agitated Beatrice so bad Beatrice would lock herself in her room trying to escape from hurting her friends and family. The other had a mind of its own.. The other would go off on family and friends and they would take it seriously but it wasn't Beatrice it was the other.

Beatrice hated the other just as much as the other hated Beatrice they were well known enemies. Beatrice had been battling the other since she was five years old. The other loved to sneak up on Beatrice especially when Beatrice was doing her best. She loved to put her down and would say mean things to Beatrice. When Beatrice was talking to her husband the other would take over her whole mind and voice and tell her husband terrible things.

Beatrice hated that part for she had no control over what she said. Eventually the meanness started to wear off.. The other backed away for a while thank God Beatrice said to herself as she had to go apologize to her husband and family.

That was not me she told her husband idk who that was.. But she did knew who that was it was the evil the other. The other voice in her head that tried to control Beatrice..

If the other comes back again she's gonna ruin everything Beatrice thought. Beatrice tried to be normal and sometimes couldn't sleep by overthinking how to be normal. She would take sleeping pills drink and do whatever just to fall asleep if not she was up cleaning the house or doing art finding whatever she could do to keep her mind and self busy.

Her brain didn't want tot sleep.

Eventually at five in the morning She drifted off to sleep. By afternoon she realized she is glued to the bed she can't get up what is this she said to herself I feel so weak. Th other has made Beatrice weak,depressed, and sad. Beatrice felt awful and spoke slowly to herself why can't I get up. The day is gloomy outside and it made things even worse..

Beatrice knew she couldn't move well and needed help. She laid in bed all day long not wanting to do anything and not capable of doing anything if she wanted too. Her eyes looked drowsy and her hair was a mess and she couldn't even get up to shower. It's as if all the energy of the earth was pulling her into her bed.

Today is not a good day she said to herself.. Beatrice couldn"t stay like this for she had a son to take care of who needed her. Her son needed her to be his momma. Why am I like this Beatrice thought to herself. This is not me I shouldn't be so sad. Beatrice started to cry and tears fill Ed up her sheets. She didn't know who to turn to or where to go. She felt so worthless.
Who can help me..

Her chest started to get tight and her heartbeat started to race rapidly..
I cannot breathe she said out loud somebody help I can't breathe I can't breathe she held her hands closely to her chest and heart and started to cry.
It escalated even harder is there anyone who can stop this she thought. She just wanted to be happy again.. She was just on top of the world what happened?

Nobody understood Beatrice this can't be normal she thought.Then the other started to show up again.

Nobody cares about you you workless piece of crap. Your here because you are cursed. Nobody likes you you have no friends your worthless and nobody needs you they would all be better off if you were just dead..
Why don't you see for yourself your just a burden to everyone around you nobody wants to take care of you and watch you yell at them and then cry and can't get out of bed. Your a hot mess and nobody wants to put up with you.

Seriously your better off being alone they don't need you all you do is hurt them anyways. Just go away hurry up with it and stop sobbing it will be better if you do I promise you won't have to suffer anymore and they won't have to suffer watching.

Who could ever possibly love you? You've done so much wrong in your life nobody loves you no one ever will either. Things won't get any better your gonna have to live like this for the rest of your life do you want that?
I won't leave you alone ever.......

The other I know is laughing bc it told Beatrice lies but Beatrice didn't see them as lies at the time she thought the other was right. Beatrice had to be careful not to listen to the other bc the other is a liar and wanted to cause pain and suffering for everyone.

Once Beatrice finally came out of that deep depression and despair caused by the other she is was doing okay for once yea just okay.. Alive kind of herself for once not very happy but not sad either just her.. But then it happened all over again

"when is it ever gonna stop" she says. When will the other leave me alone.. She sighed.

If she had to live with the other always there she didn't want to live anymore it's just a lot to handle she said to herself.

Eventually she got on medication to try and keep the other away but somehow the other always found a way around the medication and found its way to Beatrice

"I'm not going anywhere the other said"and Beatrice knew that son of a ***** was smiling.

I can relate, but from the outside looking in. Although a very good friend does not talk to me a lot about what goes on in her thoughts, this seems a lot of what I surmise from her words and actions.

You are not alone here.

I wrote this last night on my iPhone notes mostly to show my husband what it is like in a day in my head.This is how I feel and I needed to explain it better for him but I also wanted to share my story. It is what goes on in my mind everyday it's a constant struggle wanted to see if anyone could relate or if it helped at all. I wanted to help people who don't have it and are here for a loved one better relate to what goes on in a bipolar persons head hope it helps.

[Crazy Hitch]

It does help to write down our experiences and feeling.

[Espurr1989]

I really enjoyed reading this. It kind of reminded me of a fairy tale in a way... we all know it isn't always happily ever after all the time in real life. I could picture this being a children's book if it was edited for age appropriateness. It could be used to help kids understand bipolar disorder if one of their family members has it.

[wiretwister]

Originally Posted by Sky101

I wrote this last night on my iPhone notes mostly to show my husband what it is like in a day in my head.This is how I feel and I needed to explain it better for him but I also wanted to share my story. It is what goes on in my mind everyday it's a constant struggle wanted to see if anyone could relate or if it helped at all. I wanted to help people who don't have it and are here for a loved one better relate to what goes on in a bipolar persons head hope it helps.

you express yourself very well,, thank you for sharing such a personal story.. I hope telling it has helped you as much as reading has me..

[stressedmama]

couldn't possibly get any more true to life for those who live with this God awful curse. Thank you.

Great explanation. I have to ask, why are all of the stories wriiten by women and why do I feel like the only dude on this earth that deals with this same thinking behavior?

Seriously. As a man, I am supposed to be mentally and physically stronger than females per the Bible. If I suffer from this garbage too, how will I ever get involved in another relationship again. Believe me, I need someone more than ever in my life, but I am so whacked out that I don't know how or where to start in this middle aged epitomy of hell.

[charliesangel81]

Thank you for sharing sky. That is VERY similar to my feelings and experiences.