[Idon'tKnowWhoIam]

I posted this in 'new member introductions' and they suggested I should post it here so here I go... I've been diagnosed with Bipolar, PTSD and not on any medication for any of these problems but I'm on a small dose of 'quetiapine' to help me sleep and I'm supposed to see a therapist every month but the last time I saw him was November because I keep forgetting getting an appointment, I know I need to get one soon but I'm sure she has a very busy schedule.

So my Problem right now is that I lost the will to live, I'm not suicidal but I'm tired of life and everything and I just want to sleep.

I've been manic for the last month and now I think I'm crashing into depression and I really don't want to sink into depression. I haven't slept in 3 days and I feel like I'm losing my mind, I need to sleep and the medication does make me sleepy but for some reason I don't want to sleep, This confuses me because I want to sleep but at the same I don't. I'm scared of sleeping but not sure why, when I put my head on the pillow my brain screams at me to get up and do something like read a book or do anything other than sleep and it just won't shut up so I get up and grab a book and stare at the book without reading a word because my brain just can't take in any word.

I'm so tired and I can't focus at all, I haven't left my room in 3 days, I skip classes because I just can't take it, its too noisy and people are annoying, my friends complain that they don't see me anymore but I just don't care anymore. I barely move from my bed, my room is a mess with stuff everywhere, I'm not eating because I don't want to move.

I had an exam last week which I did not study for because I couldn't focus, I tried to study but just couldn't and I'm pretty sure I'm going to fail.
My head feels full and heavy, every muscle in my body aches because when I was manic, I pushed myself and did things I won't normally do so my body is exhausted but my brain won't stop. I feel like I'm between mania and depression.

The only thing I want to do is listen to music and live inside my head, inside my fantasy world, I Don't want to face the real world and I'm just so tired.

[sideblinded]

There is always help for your symptoms. Since you have been diagnosed with these conditions, do you have a therapist? I would let a trusted person know how you feel. Isolating is the worst thing that you can do when you feel like this. It sounds like you may be in a type of mixed state and that can feel confusing so please let someone know.

[Idon'tKnowWhoIam]

Originally Posted by sideblinded

There is always help for your symptoms. Since you have been diagnosed with these conditions, do you have a therapist? I would let a trusted person know how you feel. Isolating is the worst thing that you can do when you feel like this. It sounds like you may be in a type of mixed state and that can feel confusing so please let someone know.

Yes I do have a therapist but I missed my last appointment so I need to get a new appointment which will take awhile.
I tried talking to my beat friend but she keeps telling me I'm just stressed out and I have no one who will understand...

There are very few people who know about me seeing a mental health professional and the reaction I got from them is very negative, they say it is all in my head and I know it is but I can't control it and they say I can and to pray more and one friend even told me I'm seeking attention and that was the last time I told anyone...

I live in a society where they don't believe in mental health, few years back during one of my manic episodes everyone thought I was possessed..

My parents don't believe in mental health too but they agreed to let me see a therapist because I asked them and told them I need help but they think I'm just seeking attention and agreed to let me if I stop acting out but I really can't control my moods, they just happen..

[Wander]

Sorry to hear you are doing it so tough. Who prescribed you the quetiapine? Can you get an appointment with them. By the sounds of it you really need help urgently. This kind of mood state can turn into a trip into hell if you don't get a handle on it so please seek help and keep posting here. We can at least listen and give you virtual hugs.

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by Idon'tKnowWhoIam

Yes I do have a therapist but I missed my last appointment so I need to get a new appointment which will take awhile.
I tried talking to my beat friend but she keeps telling me I'm just stressed out and I have no one who will understand...

There are very few people who know about me seeing a mental health professional and the reaction I got from them is very negative, they say it is all in my head and I know it is but I can't control it and they say I can and to pray more and one friend even told me I'm seeking attention and that was the last time I told anyone...

I live in a society where they don't believe in mental health, few years back during one of my manic episodes everyone thought I was possessed..

My parents don't believe in mental health too but they agreed to let me see a therapist because I asked them and told them I need help but they think I'm just seeking attention and agreed to let me if I stop acting out but I really can't control my moods, they just happen..

I am sorry to hear that you missed your last appointment. Hang in there. And keep posting to us here in the interum.

Yes, I do understand the statement from your Best Friend. She means well. And remember too that your Best Friend is not a trained medical profession. Your friend is there to offer emotional support and comfort in the best possible way that she knows how and opinions that your Best Friend pass are ones that she intends to help support you; but are not based on medical profesional opinion; and you have a medical diagnosis. Please remember this.

Oh I don't really tell people in real life about my mental health team. But that is just me personally. I know of plenty of people who do. But my personal style is to keep my business to myself. I need to look after my own best interests without worrying about what everyone else thinks.

If their reaction is negative; well I must say; please do not dwell too much on this. Remember; they do not walk in our shoes. We need to look after our own best interest. And it is in our own best interest to see medical health teams.

"Seeking attention". Well that is a very insensitive comment made by your friend. This is not one based on medical opinion. Lack of knowledge about our diagnosis can lead to people saying all sort of things. That is okay. They are entitled to their "opinon". We can not change others opinions about us. However, you and I know the truth. We have a mental illness. We have a mental health team that helps manage our symptoms. And we try our best to get through this.

If you were told during a manic episode that you are "possessed", well yes, I can believe that you were told this. Because I do know of Bipolar people who have been told this. Again, this is not a comment made by a medical professional. It is one made with lack of knowledge of Bipolar. I guess some symptoms may "appear" that way to the ignorant eye. But we know best. We know we are far from possessed.

Keep doing what you are doing. Rely on your mental health team. We know what is best for us. The opinons of others who have not much knowledge about Bipolar do not count. I am sure they mean well. But we know best.

Hang in there.