[vjdragonfly]

I'm going under and I don't know how long till I really break. Too many responsibilities right now and I just can't keep going the way I am. Very agitated and depressed. Wanted to go to the hospital but I can't because everything will fall apart at home because no-one has a clue what to do. I NEED a break so bad. Don't know what to do. I really need help.

[RisuNeko]

Do you have kids? Can you get respite care for a while through your mental health services? What are your stressors right now?

[vjdragonfly]

I have a 13 year old and 19 year old living with me who pretty much depend on me for everything. My stressers right now is being overwhelmed with responsibility. Working, doctor appts. taking daughter too and from work, cooking, taking care of pets, household chores, making necessary phone calls and trying to keep everything and everyone functioning. I may get 30 minutes in a day for myself if I'm lucky. My daughter is disrespectful and uses me for what gratifies her. Told me she had no mom last night during a fight, really hurt. I laid in bed last night and had dark thoughts and it was VERY hard to talk myself out of it. Just feel like I can't breathe and I can't reach out for help.

Not sure what respite care is.

[Crazy Hitch]

(((vjdragonfly)))

Keep working with your mental health team.

I am sorry to hear things are so turbelent for you right now.

Sometimes it is hard to get over the concept of putting own own mental health needs first and continuing on with the day to day activities of life.

This can be a struggle.

I understand you when you say you do not wish to be hospitalised.

You have kids etc.

This would be used as a last resort when your own safety is at risk.

Please trust your pdoc in the judment on this one.

I reckon they will do the best they know how to in the interum to avoid this.

Your daughter is challenging your emotional stability and I am sorry that you two had an argument that upset you.

Remember too that you are vulenerable enough already and any disruption in inter personal relationships will be difficult - they are difficult enough already without everything else that is going on for you. I wonder if there are strategies that you can put in place that will afford you a little bit of distance? Or emotional distance at very least with regards to being upset by your daughters comments? Just whilst you are trying to deal with everything else.

Hang in there and keep posting here.

Thank you for keeping us up to date.

[RisuNeko]

Sounds like you have a whole lot on your plate right now. Do you have any kind of support system at all? A mom? A friend? A support group you can go to? If you only have a half an hour to unwind by yourself everyday then you have got to make time to unwind and unload with some people who support you and what you're going through. They can help lighten the load.

I'm sorry your daughter disrespected you that way. Just remember, teenagers don't mean what they say. It's just the hormones. When they get older they learn to love you again.

Oh sweetie, as soon as I saw you had a thread, I jumped right in. It is good to see you, though of course sorry to hear what is going on in your world.
It is hard (especially for givers, I think) to recognize and stand firm regarding their own needs. But you really DO need what you need. A break. Not optional. It's yours. Take it. (That's an order! )

Try to avoid feeling overly-responsible. (Again, hard for givers!) Others need to step to the plate. Show them the plate, and step aside. Because you know how it is -- others are perfectly happy to keep letting someone else do it(!)

Long/short -- YOUR TURN. Do the constructive and positive things you need to do for yourself. The world will not end. In fact, it's a step in the direction it'd be good to see things go, yes? That the load be more evenly distributed? That's a longer term goal of course. I'm just pointing it out so that you can see how much in line with that this small step of self-care IS with that. It might make it easier to do when you look at it in that light. It's a good thing. And not just for this moment.

Try that perspective on. You like?

[scatterbrained04]

((((vjdragonfly))))