Having doubts

That feeling that all this is going to be for nothing.

Do I take my meds, hoping that they work and give me an attempt at a 'normal' life?

Or just think 'screw it', just let it take its course and just go back to how I was managing before

I'm feeling towards the latter right now. I'm really fed up.

I have this feeling several times a day, and I have for years now.

Been taking meds for depression for 24 years, meds for bp for 9.

I'm so sick and tired of feeling slightly hopeful everytime I get a med change only to have it fall flat.

Right there with you.

I'm glad I'm not alone in the feeling. I want things to work out but I know better.

I'm feeling pretty crappy at the moment. It'd just be easier to go back to self medicating.

I get the feeling.

Just recently I've been like screw it, I'm getting off of all these meds. I hate taking them. I just want it to go away, like if I stop taking them I can suddenly be a normal person who doesn't need them. It's ridiculous! I know whatever is wrong with me won't just go away if I'm off meds. Bit of denial I guess.

I go through that often, but after finding the right cocktail, and accepting that I need them, a stabile life is so much better for me. I just hope that you gave it a real try and make the wisest informed life decision based on real knowledge possible.

Thank you for your thoughts.

I know I need them, it's just the thought. The why bother?

To carry on like this or just wing it. Hell, it can't be any worse surely.

You won't know till you give it a chance hun. Now that I got a taste of stability, I don't want to go back. I hope that you find yours.

Meds treat symptoms that may interfere with your life, but they don't create a life you want to have.

It's not about being on meds or not being on them. Whatever works for you. You still have to do all the work and all the living.

Excellent point, venusss!

I'm not asking for the meds to create a life I want to have. Just to function. To work. To live.

To get up in the morning, go to work, go out shopping or something afterwards and think that today was a normal day. Not a good day. To not live in a pit for months at a time, lose massive amounts of weight and just be so detached from everything around me that I might as well not even be there.

I know meds can't give me what I want in life. That I have to work for. But I do want them to give me what I need; some stability from this stupid illness and all of the bull**** that goes with it. Away from the pit of despair and not so hypo manic that I could easily just think **** it, lets move country, let's go do some drugs,hit the booze, here's my awesome invention, why are you all talking soooo slow, no I don't have a problem, yes I did drink all of that and yes, let's get some more.

Sorry for the rambling.