Candid thought

A lot of men have sexual side effects from psych medications. Personally, I'm at the age where if I don't have any children within the next 5 years I'm not going to have any, ever. The way I see it that's not so bad, seeing as how there is some genetic components to mental illnesses. Why would I want to possibly put my own child through what I've been through? My brain doesn't handle stress well as it is anyway, and there's no way I could handle potentially watching my child go through psychotic episodes, followed by years of suffering trying to treat the kid. I have very few complaints about side effects of medications in that department. Is that "selfish?" Does seem like I'm trying to be some kind of "martyr?" I don't know...

Hi gemini

No you're not selfish for thinking this.

You're just exploring all options.

I do this when I am making important life questions.

I always answer my "What If" questions when making these important decisions.

What if gemini has children?

Then there is a chance that gemini can have perfectly healthy chidren with no mental illness what so ever. And gemini will learn strategies to minimise the potential impact gemini's episode will have when he goes through these when he has kids. Gemini will know that his burden is his to carry and not one that he will place on his kids.

Gemini is also aware that maybe his kids might be born with a mental illness. Some do, after all, have a genetic component to them. But Gemini knows that he has personal experience with episodes and will understand exactly what his children will be going through if and when they do really ever experience a severe episode. Even just being bipolar doesn't necessarily mean a severe episode. Some people with bipolar merely experience slight mood elevation that optimises their mood and makes them a little bit more productive than at other times.


Or Gemini could simply not have kids.

In which case, he will never know.

I have never gotten the whole selfish-not-to-have-kids thing. To me it is a perfectly sensible choice to make when one sees that one might not be able to be a parent. Actually I think some people are selfish to have children, when obviousely not able to take proper care of them. Or just plain has no interest in becoming a parent, for whatever reason. I have a child, but it was quite a surprise pregnancy, but I went from surprise to elation pretty fast... And now my son is the most wonderful thing in my life. But of course, sometimes I wonder if I have passed on the genetic part of bipolar to him. (I come from a "bi-polar" family). Tough call to make though...
And I totally agree with Hooligan as well.

Having kids while mentally ill is no joking matter. It can be done. I personally attest to that.

I just find it refreshing when ANYONE puts a lot of thought into it, before having children.

I really like what hooligan wrote.

Well I wasn't aware I had Bipolar , I actually was diagnosed at age 43 .. my daughter 19 years old was diagnosed 3 months later ...

I didnt have a clue , I thought everyone had a racing mind and ups and down , My daughter also , looking back her and I seemed to cycle together ,, thing is, I worked, Bought a house on my own, Just lived my life , made some stupid mistakes looking back. Did I feel guilty that I passed this on to my daughter ? Sure I did and beat myself up A LOT ! My daughter finally got me to stop that stuff , she loves her life and she manages her life and is loving her life, Shes a musician... She doesn't hate Bipolar. Her and I both just manage along and enjoy life, Sure sometimes its really hard , but Bipolar always cycles... Always .

I had Zero family history of BP or any mental illness, so I had no idea.

Yes there is a genetic component , but there is only a chance of it being passed along its not a absolute.

I decided before I was diagnosed that if I was diagnosed with bipolar that was it, no kids for me. That's just because of my family history and knowing that I personally would not do a good job as a parent because of my particular symptoms. But it was really affirmed when I talked to my psychiatrist about it. She was very candid and said that if I chose to have a baby she would support me through it but that she strongly recommended not trying. She said that I would probably be very ill through pregnancy and quite possibly afterwards and that getting me stabilized on meds again could take a long time. There's also the genetic component to consider,etc. Later I was having gyn issues and facing a hysterectomy and she did tell me that this was my last chance and if I wanted to have a baby that this was the time and she would support me 100% if I decided that. I knew there was no way that I was equipped to be a single parent and I had just been through the sickest year ever so it wasn't even a consideration.

I just always thought her truthfulness about what might happen was helpful. Obviously it's a bit different since I'm female but at the same time she was clear that parenting would be very hard for me. And since I grew up with a mentally ill parent I knew that this can translate into it being very hard for the child. Since my psychiatrist always encouraged me to do anything I wanted to do, including working years longer than even vocational rehab recommended, I knew that her thoughts on this were valuable.

I had no idea that I was BP when I had my son either. Had I known, well, I don`t know what my decition would have been. Also, even though there is a history of BP/MI in my fathers family, it was kept so secret that neigther me nor my siblings had any clue.

I had my kid knowing I had mi But not dx. It was many hours of conversation. Both of us were originally part of the child - free community. So it was a big deal. There's nothing wrong with not having a child or having 10 as long as it's a loving home and you can care for them.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts.