[BeyondtheRainbow]

It's 5:15 AM and I'm still awake. I've had my meds including the big Seroquel dose plus my 5 mg of Valium in 2 doses. Nothing. I'm so wide awake that I started feeling panicky when I tried making myself lie/lay/whatever it is still in the dark for a while.

I have my therapist today which is going to have to be moved unless I fall asleep about now since I have to drive 75 minutes each way and I don't really want to do that without sleep. I also need to take my cat to the vet. I had this all figured out, I was going to do the vet this morning, go to therapy, go to Target and come home. Now I will have to figure out if therapy is even safe, I'll have to try to get the cat in later in the day so I can sleep until time to leave for therapy if possible and I'll have to rush with my Target trip which is fine but rushing is hard right now because I can't focus.

Time for more emails to the psychiatrist.

[Homeira]

Sorry to hear that. I know how hard those nights and mornings are. In fact I hardly slept at all last night, and now I am trying not to go back to bed...

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I got 75 minutes of sleep. I am going to try to sleep a few more hours. My mom is taking me to therapy and I got a late vet appointment. I hope both of us get more rest.

[tentoedsloth]

Please report on how well it all went.

Unless you're asleep.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I sure wish I were asleep....I got about another hour before therapy. And that's it since I woke up yesterday. This is not so good.....Hopefully tonight will be better but it's going to be a little emotionally rough since I found out that there is some chance that my cat's skin infection/pulling all the skin off her belly will be the thing that ends her very long life. I have stopped believing that much since I've been hearing that she was dying for years now and last June was told to expect only a few more months (and instead she's done everything the opposite of a cat in kidney failure as advanced as hers was supposed to be) but I also know that she won't be here forever.

It was so hard at the vet's. Last night I had a lot of scary focus in my thoughts about violence with animals and then I took her and had to listen to her scream in pain when they took urine from her bladder to check it and then again when she got her shot and she just went into a shutdown with her head buried in my armpit and her whole body pressed into mine. She's never been afraid of the vet but now she is deaf so she can't hear what is about to happen and she also knows the routine b/c we have to go in frequently. So I have to put all that stuff out of my mind to sleep tonight and I hate when they warn me that I may have to make quality of life versus quantity decisions.

Poor old girl.

[tentoedsloth]

Thank you for the update. I hope you get the sweet dreams that you deserve.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Thanks. I crashed completely and got another hour of sleep. I just took my meds and am eating a snack and hopefully I'll be asleep for the night soon.I was so tired by this afternoon that I got locked out of phone for a minute because I entered my code the wrong time 5 times in a row. I truly forgot the numbers for a minute.