[bassrunnin]

I have Bipolar 1 and I have always had the risky behavior of promiscuity. My husband has taken over my SSDI and now wants all money to go into an account that I am not on so I have no control of finances. Mind you I have been doing the bills in all of the 15 years of marriage.

His reasoning is that "today it could men, tomorrow it could be spending"

Is this true, can you have more than one risky behavior or go from one to the other?

Thanks

[Hexagram]

Yes, you can have all the risky behaviors you like. You can have all the risky behaviors at once. That doesn't mean that your husband can put your SSDI benefits beyond your access.

I'd like to comment just on the part about your husband taking over your SSDI. Banking is sophisticated enough now that you can set your account up to get alerts if the balance drops below a certain point or to remind you that a certain bill is due.

When you say that your husband has "taken over" your SSDI, do you mean that he is the "designated payee"?

I wouldn't agree to this if you have no history of spending problems. Most of the people who get into real trouble with money are doing it with credit cards and credit lines or even more extreme things like second mortgages or selling off assets without their spouse's knowledge.

If your husband is concerned about your family finances then he needs to take a look at your accounts and your bills and regular credit reports.

Your question about going from one risky behavior to another is interesting.

I have every singe risky behavior. Except the promiscuity. I have been celibate for several years.

[shortandcute]

Well, there's no real ''rule" about how many risky behaviors you're allowed to have. Many people have many risky behaviors. My risky and/or manic behaviors have included: promiscuity and bad relationships with men, excessive phone and online sex, alcoholic drinking, heavy cigarette smoking (five packs a day at one time), bad spending habits/constant debts/stealing, rages and violent behaviors, harassing and/or stalking people, and either starving myself or overeating; I am currently on the verge of morbid obesity--but when I started on PC, I was too thin.

However, not everyone has the same behaviors. You obviously do not have a problem with money, so it does seem weird that your hubby would do that. I'm surprised that he's even able to do that with no signature from you or evidence of money problems. How was he even able to do that?

[BeyondtheRainbow]

When I went on SSDI my therapist had written (and I probably had to but this happened because of him) that I'd had trouble paying bills on time and sometimes struggled to understand bills and so before I could get the checks myself I had to pass a little "test" thing. If you are uncomfortable with your husband taking over your SSDI checks (and without demonstrating some behavior that showed I was actually having trouble I would be but that's just me) maybe you can ask SS to do their test to determine if you can handle being the payee?

If we tried to prevent every possible risky behavior ahead of time we'd wind up not able to do anything. I'm fortunate in that my risky behaviors have always been fairly moderate and controlled fairly well but that doesn't mean that I'll never do something worse than I have but if I do there's no predicting what that might be since I'm just impulsive in general. I know some of the things that I'm more at risk for and try to watch those behaviors and avoid situations where I could get into trouble but you can't spend your whole life guessing what you might do next.

[UCMATH]

You can definitely have more than one manic risky behavior. Some people have one or two, and other people have a ton of them. They can change over time, too, because people change over time. It depends on the person.

This is just my opinion, but... if you have never had any problems with spending behavior while you're manic, then I don't understand why your husband is taking over your SSDI. "Today it could men, tomorrow it could be spending" doesn't sound like very good reasoning. I mean, yeah, it could be spending, but there doesn't appear to be much evidence supporting that conclusion.

[bassrunnin]

To answer some questions and clarify some things:

My husband was appointed as a payee because and only because I have bipolar.
Our marriage has been really strained due to my bipolar.
I am a rapid cycler with episodes every 4-6 weeks.
I am glad someone stayed that most people with spending issues do it by opening lines of credit.
Not only does my ssdi go to him he also wants me to deposit my Va and voc rehab money (college) money has well and has been very vocal about it.
It is good (not really ) that it is possible to have more than one risky behavior. I wish they would outline that in literature. Everything I read lists behaviors but no where does it say you can have more than one. Thanks for the clarifications. I think that's it for now. Thanks again

[BipolaRNurse]

I wonder if it's that way for everyone with bipolar? I have a terrible record of money issues (spent my family into bankruptcy TWICE) but I manage money just fine now that I don't have any to manage. I can't imagine turning my money over to my husband, even though he's pretty good at money management. How humiliating.

[amIbp2]

I don't know if I'm BP2 or have recurrent depression. But when I'm doing well, I do very well. So if you'd like to call it manic, here's what I do:
- Impulsive last-minute trips to other countries
- Unprotected sex with multiple partners
- Running up huge credit card bills (which I can pay off because I have a very successful job)
- When out with friends, always having to push the envelope. One more drink. One more bar. C'mon guys, let's go meet some girls, we can do this