[JaiHanaLakshmi]

So, a lot of my friends who didnt know of my bpd (because I never told them and never expressed myself around them), are starting to see the very mostly manic side of me, and they all have the same face in common..



Its either that, or they have a small smile afterwards, and its literally everyone.

IS MY CRAZY SHOWING THAT MUCH???
I swear I thought I was hiding it pretty well..

its mostly from my outbursts to things, or when im blunt about something, and it makes me feel further and further from the friends that I really were close to. im afraid to ask if they'll stick around, and I dont want to go back to being alone again. My boyfriend is obviously used to my weird off the wall statements and random outbursts, but I cant help but feel that i should change in some way.

I have come a lot way, but still..
In a lot of ways, my anxiety is close to none as far as the overly sweating goes but i still have tremors, but its better than it used to be.

I dont know... has anyone else start to lose some friends after they finally decided to unveiled their mental dis. ?

Ive started to hate being around people now as well as in crowds, and I used to be the popular person hanging with everyone, who loved to be with people and hang out with friends..

[CANDC]

Talking to people who consider themselves to be "normal" about MI is perhaps a mistake because I made it myself. They don't want to know. They just want to maintain the dream they have of being what everyone told them they should be.

I appreciate your courage talking about it, but for me it has not helped. And those people I told were not really friends, just acquaintances.

Have you talked to your therapist or pdoc about managing the anger?

[wiretwister]

I have withdrawn from the "crowds" also.. just don't burden the friends you have left by being too needy.. afraid my family get dumped on pretty heavily..

[Row Jimmy]

Most of my friends have drifted away over the years for a number of reasons. I was always known as the nut in the crowd who couldn't relax. I think it wore out some people and we just parted ways. My moods would be unpredictable and I could be the life of the party one day or the one who walked out at 8 because I didn't feel like being there. Also, they were always into things that involved crowds and that isn't really my scene.

Relative to me telling them I had an issue, they'd probably laugh it away and tell me I just need to "relax more" or "drink more beer". I agree with CANDC - most people probably don't want to know or don't really care.

Yeah friends tend to leave you. Welcome to the life of mental illness.

[JaiHanaLakshmi]

Originally Posted by CANDC

Talking to people who consider themselves to be "normal" about MI is perhaps a mistake because I made it myself. They don't want to know. They just want to maintain the dream they have of being what everyone told them they should be.

I appreciate your courage talking about it, but for me it has not helped. And those people I told were not really friends, just acquaintances.

Have you talked to your therapist or pdoc about managing the anger?

I see my therapist tomorrow and we'll go over it then probably

[JaiHanaLakshmi]

Originally Posted by Supanova

Yeah friends tend to leave you. Welcome to the life of mental illness.

This terse comment served no purpose.

[BurgundyBlack]

So, I very much understand this... But almost on a reverse level. I just don't have many friends... and the ones I make are flaky. As CANDC said people who don't have these issues, don't understand... they can't. The best that can be done is explain... if they can't handle who you are.... then that's there problem really. There are plenty of other people out there who will. You just have to find them somehow. Don't exclude yourself, or think your "weird"... Don't let people make you feel "Wrong". It's hard I know... it's something I'm working on too. I hope this helps! even if a little bit.

[JaiHanaLakshmi]

Thank you so so much BB, that was very helpful

I am starting to single myself out from others because I think i'm too weird..
When do you think I should have "the talk" with them? I ask that because I don't want to scare them away before things start, and maybe they would be able to handle it if they had a good background from me to know that I wont go psycho and ruin their life?

I know a person that I was building on having as a possible mentor (our friendship was headed in that direction), is now just turning into back to acquaintances. I had told her about my MI and ever since then, she has started to be more distant, and has even mentioned her mother who had a mental illness that she hated and her parents' marriage ending in a bitter divorce, and to me, that was kind of a red flag.

Its just extremely unfortunate. But, its also ok, because there are a lot of values she holds that I don't, and they are definitely conflicting within a friendship and would cause more harm, as they are fundamental beliefs about the world.

I don't believe what she does, but I respect it and consider them whenever she wants to talk, but she does not respect what I do and immediately dismisses it.

I also have found out I dont have respect for people who wear beliefs like coat.

ANYWAY, thank you. I have found that I need people to say things for it to sink in.

[avlady]

most people who are mentally ill or were hospitalizes on a psych ward are talked about behind their backs as i've found out, not always bad stuff though. i did find out my true friends, the ones who don't treat me with pity and are truely concerned. i also made some nice friends in the hospitals too who do understand me and i them. there still is a stigma connected to us and probably will always be.

Sorry Im honest. Its the truth of the matter. REAL long life mental illness is a life of lonliness and few friends. You'll have a few that come and go but keep going down the mentally ill path you'll inevitably end up alone. No one can stand it for long, especially if your mindset is that of someone with a mental illness.

[BurgundyBlack]

Originally Posted by NoHopeHana

Thank you so so much BB, that was very helpful

I am starting to single myself out from others because I think i'm too weird..
When do you think I should have "the talk" with them? I ask that because I don't want to scare them away before things start, and maybe they would be able to handle it if they had a good background from me to know that I wont go psycho and ruin their life?

I know a person that I was building on having as a possible mentor (our friendship was headed in that direction), is now just turning into back to acquaintances. I had told her about my MI and ever since then, she has started to be more distant, and has even mentioned her mother who had a mental illness that she hated and her parents' marriage ending in a bitter divorce, and to me, that was kind of a red flag.

Its just extremely unfortunate. But, its also ok, because there are a lot of values she holds that I don't, and they are definitely conflicting within a friendship and would cause more harm, as they are fundamental beliefs about the world.

I don't believe what she does, but I respect it and consider them whenever she wants to talk, but she does not respect what I do and immediately dismisses it.

I also have found out I dont have respect for people who wear beliefs like coat.

ANYWAY, thank you. I have found that I need people to say things for it to sink in.

Sounds very much like she might have her own unresolved things... it's the case with a lot more people than people are leading on...Friendship is a give and take, seriously... I'd rather be alone then dedicate myself to a friendship that I feel I have to "conduct", and or care about the other person's words when mine won't be heard...

Also, be careful... I'm not saying that you are, but sometimes with Bipolar it is really easy to misjudge another person's actions. THIS can be really hard to look at sometimes.

What helps me sometimes... when I feel hopeless or down or upset... I use the web, like you have to come here. I've often felt really really weird because I'm obsessed with Halloween and not run into anyone else who felt the same way... I looked somethings up and I found out they exist...

Much like hackers, the internet is a vast source... imagine how all of this would be without it... Okay, this is really long-winded and maternal sounding lol.

[BurgundyBlack]

Originally Posted by avlady

most people who are mentally ill or were hospitalizes on a psych ward are talked about behind their backs as i've found out, not always bad stuff though. i did find out my true friends, the ones who don't treat me with pity and are truely concerned. i also made some nice friends in the hospitals too who do understand me and i them. there still is a stigma connected to us and probably will always be.

Agreed, but are you saying also that it doesn't matter? Because it doesn't the only real times that it matters is when it interferes with the possibility of getting jobs etc. Really at the beginning and end of your day if you are invested into yourself and what you need and want to do, what others say will turn to white noise. (in response to the talking behind back).

I also agree that making friends with MI is also a good and beneficial thing... I have one friend who also has one... Have to be aware of one anothers mood, etc... careful not to trigger... because as in any relationship, be it friend or romantic... you influence each other. I'm generally the perkier one of myself and my friend, so I tend to address her thoughts, and I also challenge them, or help to veer away from them if she's hard on herself .

[BurgundyBlack]

Originally Posted by Supanova

Sorry Im honest. Its the truth of the matter. REAL long life mental illness is a life of lonliness and few friends. You'll have a few that come and go but keep going down the mentally ill path you'll inevitably end up alone. No one can stand it for long, especially if your mindset is that of someone with a mental illness.

Honest and pessimistic are two separate things Nova. The day starts with you, and how you use the tools that you have ... you don't have to follow a recipe... As for the loneliness and what not, there a plenty of successful people leading normal lives out there. I'm not inclined to fight with you. Just pointing out, as well that the earlier comment... was just criticism... it was not constructive... This is a forum for helping one another, not tearing them down. Surely you understand that? Hopefully? Cheer up over there

[JaiHanaLakshmi]

Originally Posted by Supanova

Sorry Im honest. Its the truth of the matter. REAL long life mental illness is a life of lonliness and few friends. You'll have a few that come and go but keep going down the mentally ill path you'll inevitably end up alone. No one can stand it for long, especially if your mindset is that of someone with a mental illness.

I appreciate your honesty, but being tactful is a nicer thing to do.

Also, can you explain what a mental illness mindset is? I'm trying to understand a bit more.

I dont even know what you are taking offence to?

What Im saying is, if you are severely mentally ill, you cant work, your friends all work so as you get older, weekdays you cant see them. It gets to the stage where they start to buy houses, get married and have babies and then fitting a visit in with weekend kids stuff is impossible. You find new friends, new hobbies, thats all well and good until you get sick again... then they wonder why, then the rumours start, then those who you thought we good new friends cant be bothered dealing with your ongoing mood episodes, hospital admissions or constant medicated state. In the end you go to community based groups for friendship. I've seen it a hundred times.

Friendships change over time and having a mood disorder is hard (I have BP 1, too). After I became disabled, I joined a local bipolar support group and made friends there. Unfortunately, I lost touch with a lot of my prior friends when I was practicing law. A lot of it was me isolating and not being able to share what was going on with me due to social stigma in the legal community where I live.

You sound like a unique, interesting person and I mean that in a positive way! Hang in there. xoxox

[Homeira]

A lot of friends have drifted away for me also.
(But some of that would have happened anyway. I am in my forties now, and the crowd I used to hang out with when I was young... well, we have grown apart. Going in such different directions. Sorry, digression).
It is traumatic to feel judged and to experience people you consider friends drifting away. Sympathize completely with you there!
With me it is not so much mania, I become hypomanic, (BP II). But I have long periods of not being able to socialize at all, and I make and break appointments I told people I would attend. In the end, that has led a lot of people to turn away from me. The few friends I have left accept and understand how things are with me, and these friendships are truly meaningful to me. Treasure your true friends, because that is what they are, treasures, and truly good people. But it is heartbreaking to experience rejection.

[Homeira]

P.S. I don't think of people in support-groups as non-friends. They are friends also. They share and suppport, and what is that, but what friends do? Eventually you will find your true friends, people who will understand and accept you for the person you are, and see beyond manic episodes. Just hang in there

[JaiHanaLakshmi]

Originally Posted by rainyday107

Friendships change over time and having a mood disorder is hard (I have BP 1, too). After I became disabled, I joined a local bipolar support group and made friends there. Unfortunately, I lost touch with a lot of my prior friends when I was practicing law. A lot of it was me isolating and not being able to share what was going on with me due to social stigma in the legal community where I live.

You sound like a unique, interesting person and I mean that in a positive way! Hang in there. xoxox

Awhh thank you!!

I like to think im a good person, ive been told im an interesting person, but im having trouble finding people who can not only coexist in good friendships with me and not see that as something as insane but a positive, creatively inspiring energy, but people that are similar.

I hope I find them soon. I can imagine that with being a lawyer, you would have to keep a lot of things private from people for their own good as well as yours, and that seems very challenging..

I really am trying, but its extremely hard. Maybe some of you live close to me and we can someday meet to provide mutual support. :}

Have a good Mothers' Day love ^3^

[JaiHanaLakshmi]

Originally Posted by Homeira

A lot of friends have drifted away for me also.
(But some of that would have happened anyway. I am in my forties now, and the crowd I used to hang out with when I was young... well, we have grown apart. Going in such different directions. Sorry, digression).
It is traumatic to feel judged and to experience people you consider friends drifting away. Sympathize completely with you there!
With me it is not so much mania, I become hypomanic, (BP II). But I have long periods of not being able to socialize at all, and I make and break appointments I told people I would attend. In the end, that has led a lot of people to turn away from me. The few friends I have left accept and understand how things are with me, and these friendships are truly meaningful to me. Treasure your true friends, because that is what they are, treasures, and truly good people. But it is heartbreaking to experience rejection.

Yeah, I know what you mean.. Im so sorry about that.. I feel that starting to happen.

Although I am getting better with those sort of social things, but in the states of mania, I dont want to be around people for days at a time, and I have times where I dont want to go to events either and I feel bad, but I know what will happen if I do..

I have maybe one friend right now who I can go to with this stuff and i really treasure her.

She may not have the best job or live in the best neighborhood or look extremely beautiful, but she has stuck with me for so long, and as I write this im starting to tear up because i don't know what id do without her. Im so glad to know you have at least one of these amazing people in your life.

Anyway, I just hope that for us bps, we have another person like Dorothy Dix to not open up outpatient clinics, but to erase the stigma.

We need it. And it is really heartbreaking. People need to know.

Because honestly, we're all crazy, but some people's crazy is at a different level. We matter just as much as everyone else