For every dream there is a harsh reality

I am struggling a lot today, and have been for a couple of weeks now. I feel like my thoughts are all over the place, jumbled, and hard to piece apart. My mood swings are out of control, one minute im ok, the next im either upset or angry and have no idea why. I am starting to feel like everyday is a fight and a struggle with everyone and everything in my life. If it is not one thing it is another, and each one worse than the next. I just want to scream. I have been having scattered thoughts of suicide, some of those thoughts worse than others, but down to the point where I am actively thinking about the best way to do it. These thoughts are becoming a normal part of my thought process threw my day. I have a 2.5 year old son that I love, more than anything in this life, and he is what keeps me going threw my day. I am starting to get frustrated more quickly with him, and that scares the ever living daylights out of me. I no longer feel like I have control over my life, I feel like my thoughts and my emotions are taking over, and I am becoming a crazy shell of the person I used to be. My frustrations are skyrocketing and spiraling out of control. I just want to slow down and not be like this anymore

I feel the same way cattie-bre - my whole life feels like a dream.

So I just wanted to say hang in there - I know the feeling.

I found this great blog for you -

Self-Help Strategies for Bipolar Disorder | Psych Central

This is a great blog so far to read, as I am currently unmedicated waiting for my doctor, these are things I have been doing for a long time to try and help, thank you so much!!

I think you will do a lot better with the right medication. Remember that meds take bit of time to start to work, so dont despair if you dont notice change right away.
You sound so much like me before I was put on meds.