[JumpingJacks]

Hi everyone
I’m not sure if anyone can help or not but I thought I’d throw this out there. I just celebrated 90 days of sobriety today. I’m struggling to stay sober and feel like giving up on everything. At the same time I feel very sexualized, I have songs constantly playing in my mind, I can feel love from others and am often overwhelmed with gratitude to the point of sobbing. It's like I can feel everyone's energy good or bad and it absorbs into me. Even if I'm trying not to feel it I can feel everything all the time everywhere I go. If I go into a store I can feel the music, the sounds of the cash register, the people breathing and I can feel it in my whole body. I can feel the sunshine and sexual energy all the time. Then minutes later I will be obsessing about something like a guy that I like and can’t have because of the no relationship rule, another job that I just quit, or my past and I will feel suicidal. I’m not sure what’s going on. Am I just going through early sobriety?

People say in early sobriety you can just start to feel your feelings again and maybe that's what it is. But this seems like more than that. I remember being manic before and feeling overwhelmed like this to the point of crying. It wasn't like this the first two months I don’t think. I got sober before and it wasn’t like this. Maybe a mixed episode? I’m very scared and I went to see my doctor last week and he said I just had a lot going on and we should keep my meds the same. I have been going to AA meetings, talking to my sponsor, taking my meds, keeping away from men and I still feel like I’m about to lose it all. I feel like I can’t control my emotions. I can’t focus on myself or I get lost in the past and in wanting sex and alcohol and I can’t focus on others or I get caught up in obsessing thinking so what do I focus on? I’m really struggling. I don’t know if I can’t hang on through this day but more than that I thought I was finally stable, I thought being sober would make it easier. I really feel like I’m not meant to live on this earth. I can’t take feeling like this. It’s too much. I am overwhelmed.

[cloudyn808]

In early sobriety feelings can get magnified. My T explained it this way to me... It's like you have an open wound thats trying to heal... Every little emotion causes a scab to fall off and the open wound has a hard time healing... It feels like everyone is poking needles into the wound. Using substances dulls our feelings, getting sober wakes up these feelings and eventually, with help, feelings smooth out. It is difficult and painful at first but keep the faith...things WILL get better, with TIME. Lots of meetings, reading and talk with your sponsor, work the program and it will work for you. Somehow, I've managed to be clean and sober for 34-years just by taking one day at a time... Hugs

Hi there;
I quit drinking 12 years ago, and yes, early recovery is intense but it sounds like you are going through more than just that. All of the things you said pretty much sum up all of the symptoms I had when I went through my last manic episode. Specifically the energy stuff and feeling overwhelmed by emotions. It eventually got worse and I became psychotic. Please talk to your pdoc right away. Like, now. You don't want it to get any more intense and you definitely don't want to jeopardize your sobriety. Be safe, be strong! You can get through this.

[~Christina]

Are you able to increase your self care and self grounding?

If your unable to slow things down you really need to make sure your Pdoc knows how your feeling.. YOU know yourself the best and if you think things are getting outta control then be your own best advocate, be a squeeky wheel...

Congrats on 90 days !! Thats wonderful

[Homeira]

90 is an accomplishment! Wow! Hang in there. And let your doc know how you are feeling. If your doc knows how bad you are coping right now, that might change his/hers opinion. Remember that this too shall pass

[Crazy Hitch]

Avril Lavigne - Keep Holding On

LYRICS

Keep holdin’ on
Cause you know we’ll make it through
We’ll make it through
Just, stay strong
Cause you know I’m here for you
I’m here for you
There’s nothing you can say
Nothing you can do
there’s no other way when it comes to the truth
So, keep holding on
Cause you know we’ll make it through
We’ll make it through

[leejunior]

Thats so amazing. Congratulations. I'm still struggling to quit because it has become so much easier to rely on alcohol when I don't want to deal with myself. I know it's horrible but I hope one day I can be able to say that I am sober too

[JumpingJacks]

Thank you all so much for the encouragement and advice! I've been going to lots of meetings. I spoke to a lady in the program and she explained that what I'm going through are the signs of early recovery and that I should channel my energy into constructive outlets so that's what I've been doing. So far it's been working. I have so much creative energy that I have been able to focus on my future and start ideas of how to be successful and build a life. It's actually quite exciting. Instead of focusing on the sexual aspect or on other people's opinions I've been thinking of business ideas or on buying and selling things on eBay (not in a manic way ) I think I'll make it one day at a time. I'm going to keep an eye on self destructive ideation and if it starts again, talk to my doctor about med management. Talking to my sponsor and others in the program is the only thing saving me and my HIGHER POWER!!!!! Love to you all. XOXOXOXOXOXO. Life is so much better not drinking and using drugs. Even when it's hard, it's better than it was. I can feel again and good or bad it's an improvement from being numb. What a revelation, haha.