[bpdmme]

Bipolar has ruined my relationship with my husband. I suspect I have had it since I was about 18 or so. I was only diagnosed last May. My husband and I began swinging in October. So far it has gone better for me the than him. I have had a few really good experiences and he has had only a couple.

I never wanted to be a swinger. He talked me into it because he had fantasies about me having sex with someone else. Slowly we moved into that direction. After an incident of me having oral sex with someone, we established a very firm rule of asking first. I violated this again a couple of weeks ago. Both times I ess selfish and intoxicated. I also had an online chat with a guy and did not tell my husband until a couple of days later. He has been reading my texts since about December as well as checking my Facebook messages, my Instagram, and my email accounts because he no longer trusts me. And I don't know what to do. I working on detachment from sex and impulse control.

To make matters worse we swapped with a couple over the weekend. I had a great time and he did not. He and the female did not have enough time to connect beforehand. So he had trouble performing. We saw them again the next day and the same thing happened. This time he was able to get an erection a couple of times but she was not ready when he was. We were supposed to see them a third time before the returned home (they were visiting). And it did not happen. The guy sent me a text to say goodbye and my husband later deleted his phone number because he was bitter.

We did have a great couple that we were swapping with. It started off strong and continued to be strong for he and the female but interested faded with me and the male. A couple of weeks ago the husband shut it down. He felt his wife was getting to attached to my husband (she was). All of this has led to severe depression for him. He doesn't think i love him because I violated our rules and talked to someone online (sexually) without telling him. He says our relationship and our sex is not romantic. He can only get turned on by thinking of me and someone else. Now I am suffering because he is suffering and I realizing he doesn't really seem to love me anymore. We have been together 18 years today and have two kids.

My bipolar has cause me to be selfish, compulsive, hypersexual, risky, self-destructive, and emotionally abusive.

Can anyone offer advice? I don't know what to do and have no one to talk to.

[tipper1492]

This is what I think. Note I am age 64 and married for 24 yrs now. However had I not been diagnosed about 4 yrs back, and put on medications, I know my wife would have left me.
I know next to nothing about swinging. Never did it. But I do believe a marriage without trust is one big way to destroy it. There will be little time of relaxing.
The other thing about BP marriages, all the cards are stacked against such marriages. So called normal people marriages have a 50% divorce rate. With BP marriages, it a 90% divorce rate.
I think the only way you both will avoid divorce is to both work very hard at keeping it safe. I also believe without counseling there will be little chance it will work.

[Hexagram]

He pushed you into swinging to fulfill his fantasy. Things didn't go as planned. How is it that your bipolar disorder is to blame?

[Woolly Bugger]

I doubt the swinging has much, if anything, to do with your bipolar disorder, especially since both you and your husband are into it. But it can't help you or your marriage. I would stop, immediately, and get some counseling.

[Standup2me]

Originally Posted by Woolly Bugger

I doubt the swinging has much, if anything, to do with your bipolar disorder, especially since both you and your husband are into it. But it can't help you or your marriage. I would stop, immediately, and get some counseling.

I second that

[bpdmme]

My feeling is that what I am engaging in is hypersexual and self-destructive in ways. Thank you for your advice. I hope more is on its way. Also thank you for sending the statistics on BP marriages. I had no idea.

[Capriciousness]

Originally Posted by bpdmme

My feeling is that what I am engaging in is hypersexual and self-destructive in ways. Thank you for your advice. I hope more is on its way. Also thank you for sending the statistics on BP marriages. I had no idea.

It seems like you are saying you feel like the swinging is not a good idea because you have Bipolar disorder. This seems to make perfect sense. There are a whole lot of things we could do that we should not because we have Bipolar disorder. Like stay up all not partying, do drugs, fly to different time zones etc. Obviously we can do those things they just come with a risk of triggering episodes and of being a dangerous place when in an episode. This swinging thing seems like playing with fire for a hyper sexual Bipolar girl. I wonder if your husband thought about that part. It just seems like you are putting yourself into an environment that is going to cause problems for you. I know it would me.

Can you just tell your husband all of this?

[~Christina]

Yes Bipolar causes hypersexuality in some people, but as Capriciousness said.. as someone with Bipolar you need to do everything you can to stay stable and healthy.

If swinging isn't healthy for your relationship then can you and your husband seek out therapy to help repair your marriage? Do you want to be in a relationship with just your husband?

Are you in treatment for your Bipolar? You didn't include that information. Most people if they has distressing symptoms will agree to work on finding medication that will help them control impulses.

Even tho you were just recently diagnosed BP , Most people have been dealing with Bipolar long long before they actually get the diagnosis.

Welcome to PC