[wiretwister]

I was driving by the hospital where my first child was born,, did not mention it to the younger one in the car with me because I could not remember where he was born if he should ask...

my wife mentioned a surgery she had,, I could not remember it ever happening,,

it appears whole sections of my life is missing,,, stress.. meds.. or bipolar (or just getting old) I really do not know... maybe entering into "old timers disease",, Not ranting just wondering if anyone else has noticed this in there life,,

And if I write it down maybe I will remember saying it (or at least read it later).....

my new meds must be working somewhat as my thinking seems to be clearing up... sorry this was my first thought..

[~Christina]

I have some pretty big gaps in memory. When I am in a bad episode I tend to lose a lot of memory, Probably for the best.

[wiretwister]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I have some pretty big gaps in memory. When I am in a bad episode I tend to lose a lot of memory,..." Probably for the best"...

but I am afraid I am losing the "good" with the "bad" .

[HALLIEBETH87]

Ive lost good and bad. Idk if its episodes or meds or what. I understand!

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Sometimes stress makes people lose things. My mom is not bipolar but is missing enormous chunks of our childhood and her own.

I have a lot of memory gaps during bad episodes and journaling is the only way I know. This isn't fail-proof though because times like now I don't write. I don't care and it is hard to do.

[BlackSheep79]

I have this problem as well and I'm only 35. I always wonder what it is as well because it is getting worse over the years. Even worse is I have a very high chance of getting Alzheimer's. I can relate to what your going thru, sorry.

[Shadesofdark]

I too am missing good and bad, if it was not for my wife I would never even know, she is my memory now. If I know I need to remember something now I write it down. I know what it is like to miss big chunks of your life. Keeping a journal when you are well enough is a good idea if you can do it. Sometimes I am not up to the journal, I leave notes for myself to read when I feel a bit better. I hope you find some comfort in knowing its not just you.

[wiretwister]

Originally Posted by Shadesofdark

I too am missing good and bad, if it was not for my wife I would never even know,. I hope you find some comfort in knowing its not just you.

I do and she is mine also... I seem to have hit a nerve,, do we all have memory issues as well as sleep issues...

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I take hundreds of pictures. When my camera broke I cried. I got a new one for Christmas and had to return it for another than could handle my hand tremors from meds. Photos are my memories and they are invaluable to me.

[Nammu]

Stuff, is where my memories are, I need to hold things, feel them. I have way too much stuff but it's hard to get rid of it because that it's my memories. I find something I've completely forgotten like a pair of shoes I haven't worn in years and it's like the flood gates open and whole chunks of my memory return. I remember places people, maybe not names of the people but I remember the feelings and actions. I've been trying to clear out some of this crap out, throw it away, donate it , give it away depending on what it is , but I'm afraid I'll compleatly forget the memories. That my brain will empty bit by bit till there's nothing left.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I even take pictures of stuff so that I remember it. I have a series of pictures of each of my casts, braces, and boot that I wore after my ankle surgery, plus my first day in shoes. I do not have space to accumulate stuff so I take pictures of everything. It's time to back those up, matter of fact. One more thing to do.

[wiretwister]

Originally Posted by sidestepper

Stuff, is where my memories are, I need to hold things, feel them. I have way too much stuff but it's hard to get rid of it because that it's my memories. I find something I've completely forgotten like a pair of shoes I haven't worn in years and it's like the flood gates open and whole chunks of my memory return. I remember places people, maybe not names of the people but I remember the feelings and actions. I've been trying to clear out some of this crap out, throw it away, donate it , give it away depending on what it is , but I'm afraid I'll compleatly forget the memories. That my brain will empty bit by bit till there's nothing left.

I am sorry if I have brought up bad feelings..

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by wiretwister

I am sorry if I have brought up bad feelings..

You didn't. Please don't feel responsible. I've been trying to pack stuff away. So far I managed to get rid of 5 boxes of books, that's all. I've boxes around waiting but letting go of stuff is so hard. Im reminded of this everyday.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I said that about the pictures and then I went outside to pace in the driveway and got all nostalgic about my flashlight. The best 12 months of my life are the 3 4month periods I spent as a camp counselor and this flashlight somehow survived that and then the 20 years since those wonderful days. Just holding it brings back floods of memories......the last summer I couldn't sleep so on campout nights everyone came to me to go to the latrine and that flashlight and I did a lot of trips to that. It helped me clean up the campsite before anyone else was awake, over and over. It went on rounds when I was on duty and needed to check on the kids. It never broke and I'm still stunned by that. weird thing to cling to but I do.

That is a sweet memory. ^

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Almost all the memories from those 3 summers are sweet. I think I am more thankful for those 3 years than I am for almost anything else in my life, except for my nieces. It was a time that I learned what I was supposed to do in life, when mental illness hadn't yet destroyed anything and I was very good at what I was doing (it was a special needs camp so there was a lot of caregiving involved. I surprised myself by not being afraid of anything medical and so I did a lot of complex caregiving). The last summer I was flying high but had no idea that I was anything but marvelous and the crash came before my pdoc saw it so I missed diagnosis by not telling him the full truth of how great I was that summer. I was so outgoing and daring and fun.......not my usual introverted person.

There is no time in my life that I felt so good and I can look at those years, even the manic one, and see what might have been if bipolar hadn't come and if it hadn't come in the form it did. I think those years were a gift, a chance to see life was good before it got even harder than it was growing up in the family from hell.