[lunaticfringe]

I know a few others are going through really tough times right now here on PC, but I wanted to share how I'm doing because things are not good with me at all.

My meds are not working. I'm feel very confused and mixed up in my thoughts and general cognition. I am probably in some sort of mixed state (though it's hard for me to tell) because I will be down and depressed for half the day, then extremely agitated the other half. I am feeling triggered by just about everything. Going in public is getting more and more difficult. I told my partner I feel like I'm drowning, and that I feel like I'm screaming at the top of my lungs but no one can hear me. I feel pathetic and desperate. I really need help but I am between doctors right now. I am definitely feeling suicidal...getting to such extremes that it seems the only logical option. I have no plan though. I just want someone to help me and take me out of my misery, but then I remember, oh yeah, this is for life. The image of being trapped underwater keeps coming to mind. I am thinking I will probably have to take myself back to the crisis center, and they may or may not put me in the hospital. If I were completely honest with them I bet they would. Another part of this is that I am completely overwhelmed by events in my life that I have created myself. I am feeling very urgently that I need to escape my life, but I can't.

I am pretty sure I'm having a mixed episode. One minute I am fine, then I'm wildly dancing around my house, then later in the day I'm exploding in a fit of rage at my partner and threatening to kill myself. Other people who've had them can you confirm? Right now I'm calmly sitting at the computer but I can feel a storm surging and swirling around in my head. My head just feels VERY confused and mixed up. I don't know how else to put it.

If anyone has any analysis they want to put in I'd really appreciate it. I really need some outside perspective.

Thanks

[elevatedsoul]

when i feel like im having a mixed episode thats how i explain it, i just feel mixed up and confused
i dont know how to explain it because its impossible to understand without going through it

im sorry you're feeling like this, you have to stay strong and keep fighting though!
sometimes its so difficult trying to take care of business side of things when feeling off... but its important for you to get in touch with your doctor and explain to him how you feel..

[~Christina]

Sounds mixed, thats pure hell on earth. Since your between Pdocs and your feeling suicidal you really need to go to the ER or crisis unit and get evaluated.

I'm sure a heavy hitter Ap would probably knock this outta you.

Reach out for help, You really need it now, not later.

[Toodles333]

I'm not sure if I read it on here, but somebody said that a psychiatrist had claimed that a mixed episode was the worst thing he/she has to deal with within ANY mental disorder/illness. It's pure hell and I wouldn't wish it my worst enemy.

What you describe sounds pretty mixed up to me, but I'm far from an expert.

I'd try and see somebody if I were you.

Take care.

[lunaticfringe]

I actually called my local crisis center and they said they would not see me unless I wanted to go inpatient being that I just left a prescriber who works at their agency. I said that was ridiculous and that anyone should be able to seek services there. I'm going to try another crisis center tomorrow for an urgent med eval.

[Toodles333]

Good luck with all of that. When, and if it happens again, just try and remember that it's not real. It's the bad part of your brain playing with you. It'll pass.

Take care.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

You read it here.. My pdoc says that it is the about the worst thing she treats.

Thank you for mentioning that. I needed the reminder today. I know I'm mixed as can be and I'm having a very hard time communicating that.

Originally Posted by Toodles333

I'm not sure if I read it on here, but somebody said that a psychiatrist had claimed that a mixed episode was the worst thing he/she has to deal with within ANY mental disorder/illness. It's pure hell and I wouldn't wish it my worst enemy.

What you describe sounds pretty mixed up to me, but I'm far from an expert.

I'd try and see somebody if I were you.

Take care.

[Crazy Hitch]

I can relate to exactly what you're saying here in this post - I kind of feel the exact same way too.

For me, personally, I'm just avoiding all of my possible triggers that will get me wound up right now.

So I'm just laying low and keeping things simple.

[BipolaRNurse]

Mixed episodes are hell. Please consider going IP if things don't get better right away. (((((HUGS)))))