[Connor Ventura]

I'll start the story as a child and finish it as I am today, trying to keep it as short as possible. There is a TL;DR at the bottom with my final question, the rest is just background knowledge! Sorry in advance for the background story!

As a young child around the age of 5 I used to come home from preschool/kindergarten and lie on my bed crying and saying I hated my life and wanted to kill myself. My mother was very worried and was not sure how to handle things with me. I had intense fears of almost everything, hiding from the sound of wind because a tornado came and crashed through my school while I was in it, or being terrified of a candle across the room because a box of fireworks went off next to me and set a field on fire, leaving me trapped on the other side. I was a nutcase and there was nothing at the time that could be done to help me.

As my life progressed not many but a few suicide attempts were made and countless thoughts and detailed plans were stranded together. By the time I was 16 It was clear that I was a very depressed child, my grades begun to slip from an excelling student to one who was failing most subjects. I was diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety. My father was diagnosed with Bipolar and was incorrectly diagnosed so he fought the psychiatrists efforts to medicate me.

Now a few years down the track I am 18 years of age, my coping strategies and self-awareness of moods is significantly improved. However, I am still incredibly sad on the inside and it becomes overwhelming and debilitating sometimes. I have been in discussion with my doctor and he has come to the conclusion that I might very well have Bipolar. My moods cycle and I am able to feel a shift in moods about 1 or 2 days prior, like rain clouds coming in.

I am tempted to agree with what he is saying but as my mother has pointed out to me I have not yet had any episodes or increased mania as to do damage to something, and I very rarely have an extreme sense of happiness or productivity. (I do get these but only about once every 2 weeks for 2-3 day periods) I am often in a spiraling depression but can help control it with the aid of music and alooot of effort. My doctor is seriously worried and is suggesting imidate diagnosis with medication. My long term girlfriend who has grown up with me thinks it is a perfect diagnosis and is worried if I don't get it sorted now it will escalate to me becoming physical or abusive, so I want to get it sorted now so I can continue to be loving and supportive towards her!

TL;DR

So I guess my final question is this. Is it possible that I could have Bipolar without frequent manic up states, but instead have them replaced by mild happy feeling behaviour with a slightly accelerated motivation?

Any help or advice is appreciated! I'm sorry if something here doesn't make sense or I've left something important out, it's just late and I'm feeling incredibly tired and run down. You have no idea how much it means to me to be able to have people's opinions on what to do. The more info you can give me the better! Thank you everyone in advance!

[BeyondtheRainbow]

You really need a psychiatrist to answer this (and if you're seeing one and aren't sure about the diagnosis then maybe get a 2nd opinion?) but there is a range of issues that fall under bipolar and while it doesn't sound like you have ever been fully manic, so not BP1, BPII or cyclothymia are possible. BP2 had hypomanias which are less intense than full mania. Cyclothymia is a frequently changing mood but not so severe that it qualifies as BPII although it remains in the BP spectrum. So maybe read about those and ask your psychiatrist some questions to clarify the diagnosis and why it was made.

[Chickenkicker]

Cyclothymia like Beyond said could fit your description...but...you gotta get a proper diagnosis from a Psychiatrist. Right now you are standing in the center of an intersection, and don't know how to proceed. A diagnosis will give you an educated guess on which road to take for treatment and medications, if necessary.

GP doctors are poorly equipped to deal with mental issues, and know even less about dispensing psychotropic meds.

[Blitter2014]

[quote=Connor Ventura;4479229]

TL;DR

So I guess my final question is this. Is it possible that I could have Bipolar without frequent manic up states, but instead have them replaced by mild happy feeling behaviour with a slightly accelerated motivation?

To answer your question directly, yes it is possible. I have BP2, with long bouts of depression and relatively few periods of feeling high/good. The high's are still low when compared to those with BP1, and are more marked by taking on too much, not needing sleep, feeling super confident, spending more than I should, making careless decisions without much thought, those types of things. The depression is however is debilitating, pulling me into the depths below where life itself has not meaning. Being BP2 has severely impacted my life in so many areas. Like many others, it took so long to get a diagnosis that a lot of damage was already done. Don't let that happen to you.

You need to get in and see a Pdoc that you can really open up to, and who can in turn help you before you lose any more quality of life. You don't mention whether you are seeing one or not, can I suggest you make it a priority to see a Pdoc, and a Therapist. Whatever your diagnosis, a Pdoc and Therapist can help you cope better with the symptoms you have, both through medication and therapy. That's what you need right now more than anything, a diagnosis will come with time, or later.

Well done for reaching out for help. It's not always easy to admit you need help. Having said that, you are irreplaceable, and as such, you need to make you a priority. The world needs you and so do we.

I wish you all the best in your struggles. I am always happy to talk via PM.

[Connor Ventura]

Thank you for the first-hand advice, it means a lot that there are people who genuinely care about the wellbeing of others, it gives me a huge sense of relief to hear that from regular people who live with it day to day. I'm fully aware that psychologists and psychiatrists are professionals and that their diagnosis would be correct, but I always like cross-referencing it with as many people and sources I can to make sure I get the best result.

You have given me a bit more faith and that extra push that I needed to have confidence with this again. I'll follow up and try to get everything sorted and Ill let you know how it goes if I remember! My girlfriend is thankful too for giving me a little more courage.

Once again thank you for supporting me and giving me helpful advice. It really does mean a lot to me. Thank you to everyone here, all of you have made my week just that little bit more bearable