[irritable4life]

Have been reluctant to keep trying new meds cause my mom or dad think I am better off without..they c side effects. They say I need to adjust my attitude and think bipolar is made up..they watch my son every other week so I spend a lot of time alone. They will not let me go to hospital..and they pay my bills and rent and I am waiting on my court date in sept..so..I want to try again but am so scared of side effects..especially being alone and the nearest hospital is 45 mins away. I don't know what I asking for..advice..I guess..

[BeyondtheRainbow]

It's hard to feel like you are an adult but treated like a child. I live in a house on my mom's property and pay a tiny rent compared to what she could get. She is fairly respectul and at least understands past the point of telling me to get over it (although she's done that kind of thing; when she found out I was suicidal and not safe to have sharps and meds around she told me I was NOT suicidal. Period. Because that's the way to make that happen and when my therapist made me bring her in to talk about it it ended with him just telling me that I didn't have to rely on her support for that part anymore). But sometimes she wants things from me because it is really her house and it's hard, like when she wants someone to see so I have to make it spotless when I feel crappy and haven't slept in 4 days (this happened a few months ago). She helps me clean but I still had to move and work and it was hard. I often act like I'm better than I am with her to avoid conflict. And I can't cry here. I seem to need a greater buffer zone than a few hundred feet to cry more than a few tears even though I know crying would feel good right now.

I guess my advice is that somehow you have to let them know you appreciate the help and that you realize how they have gone above and beyond to help you and you know that makes them really great parents but that you are still an adult and need to make your own decisions. And part of doing that is deciding that you need to aggressively try to get better any way you can (this leaves them some space to think they are still right but you are trying all options) by trying to get your medications taken care of. You understand and respect their views but you feel you need to pursue this avenue as far as it takes you (which is a lot farther but they don't need to know that). Tell them you are also trying to learn techniques to improve your outlook and that you know that is very important too (learning relaxation techniques, coping skills, nearly anything counts as this so you're still treating your bipolar but it sounds like you're doing what they want). And tell them that if you go to the hospital yourself you control how long you are there and if you go because you are forced to it could be longer because you'd have no control. Explain that the hospital is to help you get your thoughts organized (again, sounds like "adjusting your attitude" but isn't).

Now I need to think about why I know all this stuff when it is someone else's parent but when it is mine I will lie until I'm blue in the face to keep her from knowing how I really feel or to do something that doesn't make her happy without unsurmountable guilt. I lie to my mom, a lot, because I know where her tolerance for bipolar ends. Right now she knows that I may wind up IP and because she realized it herself she's ok with that but will I admit to how bad I feel? No, even when she knows I'm lying. Then again she also doesn't mind lecturing me on sleep hygiene. If sleep hygiene worked for me in the form she suggested I would have slept a lot more the last 18 years since I was first educated on it......

It's tough and it sounds like it is even tougher for you. But you have to do what you can to be well for your son. And honestly I think having recent IP records showing that I was dangerously suicidal helped get my SSDI through. Not that I'm suggesting lying about that but I would certainly try to get the records if you qualify and it sounds like you do. The more records the better was my motto and it seemed to work well (and I just happened to have a lot of really bad recent records when I applied).

[irritable4life]

Thank you again..it seems u understand my situation perfectly..I do do what they want and its not helping me..thank you..

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I've worked a long time and very hard to not let my mom try to run my life. She didn't mean to do so in a bad way, she thought she was helping, but it just made things harder. Things are a lot better now than back when all I could do, all I knew to do, was just scream things at her like "This is MY HOUSE" (which I can't do now). It took a long time for her to understand that bipolar wasn't just a passing phase in my life. Honestly I think it took my going on disability for that to sink in. When I was more stable she'd try to get me to say that I thought I'd never have another episode. Which was completely unrealistic. She still has no idea how incredibly sick I was in Dec. 2011 when I spent Christmas IP; she was mad because the holiday plans had to be re-arranged. I had never let anyone visit; I told her that she could when I knew I'd be in there for the holiday weekend. She didn't come. I hadn't let her because I knew that she wouldn't handle the environment well and if she noticed I was the only one with bipolar and often the sickest one on that unit she'd struggle with it. But she was never going to come anyway.

Therapy has helped a lot as has letting her see me when I'm bad. Only for moments but she does see it. There is a lot more to do in therapy to make me stop re-arranging everything in my life to try to make her happy. That is hard stuff and it seems like we touch on it and then things go wrong and it's a while before we go back to it.

I feel very in debt to her because not only does she provide me with a home for cheap and she feeds me a few times a week b/c I can't afford meat so she always shares that, she has continued working part-time past retirement and I know paying for my little house is part of way. She says it is really so she has money for other things that are fun but if she didn't have the mortgage she'd have more money. I will never not feel bad about that.

But it is still my life and I've had to realize that I'm the one who makes decisions for me. It's weird things, like I had ankle reconstruction surgery last year. My ankle was injured for several years and I wore a clunky brace to keep it from injuring itself further. She was always a little uncomfortable with that and with my limp. It was like she was self-conscious except it was about me. It made no sense but that's how it was. She still seems a little too aware if I happen to limp or if I'm doing something that makes me need my brace and then go out in public. But at the same time she tries to tackle things that are just too hard for her because she doesn't want me to risk injuring my ankle again. It's just so complicated.

I hope things start to work out for you. I know it's hard.

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi irritable4life,

Yup, I can understand your reluctance to try new meds - especially if you're getting a bit of pressure from family telling you you function better without them, that's a hard one.

I think it's pretty calous when they tell you things like "adjust your attitude" .... "bipolar is made up" - in fact I've never heard of such nonsense! They are not psychiatrists, doctors, professors etc. and I think that their nasty comments are doing your mental health no good right now.

You say they don't let you go to hospital? I have no words to explain how mad that makes me!

You're facing a rather challenging situation.

You asked for advice so the only thing I can think of -

Find a great pdoc.

One that you trust.

Rely on the support of your pdoc for now, if you find one, who can help to give you suggestions on how best to manage this unfortunate situation.

As a footnote - I think that you are far from alone and I can bet my bottom dollar that there are some out there who face the same challenges from family in "denial" that bipolar is a genuine disorder and do not bother to educate themselves on the syptoms, not that that makes your situation any easier though ....................