[elevatedsoul]

im scared, i've only gone 1 time and the thought of being away from my family scares me so much
i just want to get better but why do i have to take myself away from my family to do that
i try really hard everyday to hold back what this crazy illness does to me
i just hate feeling so helpless, i am so dependent on these meds that are not even working
i am going through a high stress period, we've been evicted from our house and moving
i am not going to be here to help move because im going inpatient and it really hurts me
i dont want to go inpatient and leave all the packing to my family
i just want to feel better and be stable, why does this ilnnes cause so much chaos
i hide all of my feelings so i have no one to talk to
im praying that going inpatient is the right thing to do, in the midst of all this other stress... dealing with moving and packing...
sometimes i feel guilty like im not worthy of treatment, im not worth the time, im not sick, im not really in trouble, i dont need help... but i tell myself thats me obsessing over everything and lieing to myself that idont need help...

i hate feeling like this, i just dont know what to do especially when i feel like im a faker, like i dont need this... but im so sick i think i do need it and i try to tell myself its ok to go inpatient... its a good thing... but all i can think about is the negative things... im so stressed... i've started cutting again and feel like im just crying out for help

please send me hugs and support, i need it so much right now

[~Christina]

I think your doing the right thing by going IP . Sometimes its really good to just get away from everything, Allow them to help you, Find medications that will make a positive difference. You family can manage the packing.

Take this time to just focus on you

[Wander]

I am so sorry you are having such a rough time. Going IP sounds like the best option for you right now as it will hopefully give you some space to stabilise. I know you must feel guilty not being able to help move but you need to get yourself better for everyone. I hope the hospital stay is a good one.

[wiretwister]

(((((elevatedsoul))))) ... your job is not moving things, your job is getting well .. you will help your family the most by becoming stable ...

[moonmorgan]

Hang in there. I just got back from 3 weeks inpatient. It was hard but good for me. I'm doing better.

[Crazy Hitch]

Congrats on taking this step (((elevated)))

You said:

"im praying that going inpatient is the right thing to do, in the midst of all this other stress"

And I think 100% it is the right thing for you to do, taking your personal circumstances that you have described into account.

Let us know how it all turns out for you.

[fishin fool]

I just got back from going IP for a week.
I was very scared. It was my first time.
I have to admit that it really helped me.
Hang in there you are doing what you need to
do to get well.

[elevatedsoul]

im just scared, i dont know why really,...
i cant stop crying and feeling guilty

[bunnifoo]

I got out of IP recently, I didn't realize I was going to be admitted until it was happening (it was voluntary but I was in crisis and needed help). All hospitals are different and this was a lot different than where I was before.

It was hard for me, but everyone kept telling me --and I finally believe it - that going IP is a skillful step. It's not failing or going backwards, it's reaching out and getting the help necessary to move forward.

It's hard but let them take care of you and I don't know if you've planned what you are going to take but if you can get a list of what's allowed and not allowed that might help you feel in control.

Maybe going a head and packing will help (maybe not). Take comfy clothes, some layers, if you can take a stuffed animal for soothing great (I couldn't because of bedbug issues).

Mostly remember it's okay to fall apart when you are IP...that's what it's there for.

I hope that your IP experience will be a healing time for you.

[elevatedsoul]

i think im going to cancel, i feel so much anxiety from this
im just going to hide in my room till my pdoc appointment in july...
i dont think i am strong enough to handle mental hospiatl right now...

[wiretwister]

good luck my friend,, I am thinking of you ... wishing you strength and peace ...

[BipolaRNurse]

This is just when you need the hospital the most.

I was facing a similar situation as you when I went IP for the first time last Halloween. I'd lost my job, my unemployment benefits had run out, and we were being evicted from the house we'd lived in for 12 years. I felt utterly useless, all of this was my fault, and I thought my family would be better off without me, so I made a plan to take myself out of the picture entirely.

Thankfully my husband convinced me to call my pdoc, who promptly put me in the hospital. It was voluntary though. Going IP was the best thing I could have done. it kept me safe long enough for the medication changes to start working. I was in for a week. I felt guilty for being away when my husband needed help packing, but it was worth it because I came out much better able to deal with impending homelessness.

We didn't end up homeless, thank God, we found a room in someone's house just before we were going to have to hit the streets. The point is, I made it through this awful part of my life thanks in no small part to my time in the psych unit. You will too. Go in, and don't feel guilty---you need to take care of YOU now. HUGS to you.

[elevatedsoul]

thanks

i just feel like maybe i dont need to go inpatient, i just need to change my meds....
i cant help but feeling scared about inpatient, is it really necessary for me to go inpatient just to get my meds changed? pdoc appointment is july 16, should i just wait and see the pdoc?

[Chickenkicker]

Guilt has no useful place in the mind of someone with a disorder like bipolar. It takes precious focus and energy away from the task at hand which is to find a better recovery plan for you. You ARE worth this effort!

Hospital changed my life for the better big time. At the time I went in I had just spent 30yrs desperately searching for relief from my destructive dysfunctional thinking and behavior with little success. I saw scores of 'professionals' that kept missing my diagnosis. I took handfuls of meds. I spent hours in therapy with indifferent psychologists that at the end of the day one told me to just stop drinking coffee...'now excuse me' he said, 'I've got to catch a plane to Aruba.'

All this scattered effort bouncing around to these professionals and their accompanying opinions accomplished little. In hospital all these resources are in one place. In my case I saw a psych every day. I saw nurses every day that helped me understand what I might go through with the meds and made sure my physical self was as it should be. Group sessions were enlightening and helped me understand I wasn't alone in dealing with this disorder. And there was chocolate cake...every day! This was 'me' time...and it worked.

Your family would much rather see you well then to blow hospital off just to pack boxes, believe me. Its killing them to see you suffer. Its going to be more than ok...its going to be better!

[lunaticfringe]

Wishing you well no matter what you decide.

[jacky8807]

you haven't sounded well in a while
inpatient might be just the thing you need
good vibes heading your way!

[elevatedsoul]

i have a question
how do you deal with your roomate?

last time i had 1 room mate and then room to myself

he was a nice guy but didnt talk much, i even gave him a pair of clothes because he didnt have any

im scared i'll get in a room with someone having homicidal thoughts and will kill me or hurt me

[~Christina]

Hey! last month I had a room mate that I was just not comfortable at all with. I talked to my nurse I was moved to another room. That was the only time I have gone in and had a problem with a roommate and I have been many times.

I think you really need a IP stay. You need stability to stay safe

[RisuNeko]

Definitely follow through with going inpatient. It sounds like the best thing for you. It could be dangerous to go through a bunch of med changes when you're already not stable. In IP you will have support through med changes that you can't get at home.

[bunnifoo]

If someone is seriously a danger to other people they will be on a more secure section. That's how it works.

I did have a roommate the first half of my most recent stay (a couple of weekends ago) she was on consant observation. Not beause she was dangerous but she got confused easily (not sure why) and would wander off and into patients rooms or whatnot. It was very hard for me to be under observation half the time so I advocated strongly to everyone who would listen that I needed a private room. It feel through twice (they moved her -- wich made sense and then anotehr person needed it more than me) but I got it.

As much as you want to hide until your doctor's appointment that's not a safe thing to do. Going into the hospital is a good thing - they can make changes to your meds NOW instead of waiting. They are usually willing to try changes faster because they can monitor you.

I don't know what your hopsital is like but in mine if you opted to stay in your room all the time that was okay. They encouraged you to go to groups but if it was too much it was too much.

It was nice to go there and have the structure. I didn't have to worry about most things. I didn't think I really needed to be there at first but I trusted the doctors and they were right. Plus I was able to talkt o a social worker and find out about options that I didn't know existed and they took care of calling the insurance, they would have called my work for me. But I didn't need them to do that.

Let me say that it's okay for you to tell your doctors and the ones at the hospital (and the nurses and who ever else) that you have anxiety about being there. That you are anxious about havinga roommate that might hurt you.

The first room I was in didn't have a lip around the shower and water got on the floor, it kept making me anxious and I finally told someone and they showed me these mats they use. Another time I confided to an activities therapist I was having a lot of anxiety abotu not knowing what was going to happen (becuase I was admitted the Saturday before Memorial Day I didn't see the regular doctor or social worker until Tuesday). So he got a schedule they had ap rinted out and he marked out blocks of time he thought I'd meet with people. The different groups were on there and so we went through them and I circled the ones I wanted to go to. I kept it with me and when I got anxious I just looked at it and knew that 1) there was a plan of sorts and 2) someone was there to help me.