[HALLIEBETH87]

***********************TRIGGER***************************



My T asked me when I might give him my self-harm stuff. I thought long and hard about it and I took it and gave it to him today. It was scary and Ive been nervous all day even afterward. Im happy I did it. I was afraid I would feel bad after it was gone because for so long its been my source of power and relief. But, Im ready to give it up. I have more power over my life. Yes, Im still having episodes but I think I can control myself in other ways now that Im learning DBT and have a great T.

He said he was really proud of me and that he wanted to cry. I teared up too. I cant believe I did it. It may seem trivial to some, but I know what it means for me. He gave me the choice of him holding onto it or him throwing it away. I told him I don't want it back. I wrote ten pages about it in my journal-arguing with myself the pros and cons of having that stuff. My bipolar is leveling out it seems and I feel good about myself today.

Im tearing up now thinking about it.

[Crazy Hitch]

Not at all trivial - it's a huge step forward, honestly it is.

Congrats Hallieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Glad it's levelling out and you feel good about yourself you deserve it.

[HALLIEBETH87]

Thank you!! he said to be open if I start to fall back to let him know so we can talk about it. It was awkward we were both almost crying! hahah

[Crazy Hitch]

Sounds like you have a great T who is passionate about your mental health and success. They can sometimes be hard to come by so I'm glad he's managing you through this because your results are testiment to the dedication he has towards seeing you achieve a sense of peace.

Thought you'd appreciate this gif -

[~Christina]

Great healthy choice I know first hand how tough that is to do. Proud of you

[Victoria'smom]

I'm so happy you gave your tools up! that's amazing, good work.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I wanted to share not only because I feel so good about it but because I want to be of encouragement to you all who struggle with this too.

[cmorales]

Good for you!!! I've never struggles w/ self-injury myself, "merely" problematic drinking, but I know how hard it is to give up self-destructive coping mechanisms. Congratulations! It's a big step!

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Congratulations! I've had to give up dangerous items twice and once had the added indignity of having them given back to my mother to control since I was going to be staying with her for a while while this place was built. I'm not a self-harmer but there was a lot of concern once that I could hurt myself accidentally because I was so manic and doing things that were unsafe and the other time I had just been released from a hospital stay with a suicide note. The first time I was really mad about it. The 2nd time I was glad but it's still weird that I still never got that box of stuff back. They let me have control of my meds eventually (2 1/2 years later) but not sharps besides kitchen knives and a razor to shave my legs.

I can't imagine how much harder it would be as a self-injurer so that's huge and congratulations again!

[Wander]

Congratulations!! I am proud of you. That would have taken a lot of strength and courage.

[Nammu]

that's a great step.

[HALLIEBETH87]

It feels surreal today. I can't believe I did it.

[Shadesofdark]

Congratulation's, you should be really proud of yourself, what a big step. Also glad to hear you are feeling more stable and better about yourself today.

[HALLIEBETH87]

Thanks everyone!