[intergalactictraveler]

I've been experiencing this for the past few years but it seems to be getting worse. I'm 65, with treatment resistant ultra rapid cycling and the only medication I somewhat tolerate is Klonopin, but only at doses 1mg or less.

I wake up exhausted, irritable, sometimes angry. My pdoc, who is truly a great doctor, is at a loss for what to do, since I can't tolerate even tiny doses of medication. Is my experience unique or is it common in BP1/rapid or ultra rapid cycling? I'm wondering if my highly disturbed sleep is a reflection of some other physical problem, which wouldn't surprise me. Thanks for any comments or sharing of experiences.

[wiretwister]

my sleep was terrible till I was tested and put on a cpap machine,, still wake up during night but not near as tired as without, ...

[intergalactictraveler]

Thanks, wiretwister. I was diagnosed with mild apnea two years ago. Went through many types of masks, opened up the settings on my CPAP unit and no matter what I tried, I'd toss and turn for two nights then go into a manic episode. After three episodes and no help from the sleep specialist, I returned the equipment. If he would've spoken with my pdoc and tried to develop some sort of strategy, maybe I would've continued the therapy.

[wiretwister]

I had one for two years that I might have used 10 times, hated it felt strangled and had panic attacks where I would throw the mask and gasp for air ........ new machine last year been very happy have used it every night for at least since 1st of year and have become dependent on it ...going boy scout camping next week and they have promised me an electrical hookup ..... good luck finding relief ...

[Crazy Hitch]

I think, personally, based on the symptoms that you have described, you have the true symptoms of an ultra rapid cycler. I'm sorry that this is so troubling and that you're really limited when it comes to meds. I can't even advise anything because I'm at a loss as to what to say, so I really wanted to leave a quick reply to say I'm sorry that you've been suffering this much and that your doctor hasn't yet found something to keep these symptoms at bay.

We're all here to support you emotionally in whatever way we can

[intergalactictraveler]

Hooligan,

Thank you for the support. I know I'm on the far end of the bipolar spectrum, out there cruising with starships and Doctor Who, lol. I've said it before; I'm the only one who has my back. Maybe my wife is doing the best she can with what emotional resources she has, but she's never had any desire to learn about my illness and her only fear is that one day I'll kill myself, though I've never tried nor uttered anything to lead her to have that fear. Now do I ever feel like ending it? Sometimes. And I've readily admitted that to my pdoc and therapist, but as effed as my life is, I want to hang around for a long time, even if it is, to quote the Grateful Dead, "a long strange trip." Something amazing might happen, like getting a book published or selling a screenplay, win a lot of money in Vegas, or having an affair with a sensational woman. Or all of it! Or maybe something totally unexpected. Dead is forever and I want to keep it waiting.

@wiretwister/Glad the new machine is working! I might get back to CPAP but consulting a different doctor. Got to keep trying.

[Crazy Hitch]

Oh Doctor Who lol

Be sure to tell him I say hi when you next see him

Ughhh I'm sorry to hear that your wife hasn't done much in terms of learning about BP - that puts you in a difficult situation, ontop of everything else you're already facing.

"Rather the devil you know than the devil you don't" <- wise saying once said to me by a good friend

Doctor Who sends his greetings by the way!

[intergalactictraveler]

"Bow ties are cool!" I like Peter Capaldi but I wish Matt Smith had stayed around for a few more years. And David Tennent...superb. I learned so much about life from the Doctor. Don't some of us wish we could regenerate? I do.

Familiar with the phrase you quoted but the devil you know could be the source of some of the hell one lives with. Not going off on a rant but I know what I've lived through with her and if I could have a do over... I've paid a high price for the lessons I should have learned as a young man and for not having the courage to walk away from this broken woman whom I thought my love and understanding could help. Bipolar aside, I'm the one that ended up more damaged.