[CopperStar]

This is something that has only recently started to dawn on me.

The olanzapine has an effect on my brain where, I no longer get nicotine withdrawal. After almost ten years of anywhere from half a pack to a whole pack of cigarettes per day, on average, I am suddenly no longer addicted to nicotine.

And while this should be a wonderful, amazing, glorious thing, and well, it is, it is also bothering me. Despite now being able to easily quit blowing through money, staining my teeth, coughing up mucus every morning and raising my risk of cancer, it bothers me.

And when I try to figure out why it is bothering me, I realize that after over a decade of unmedicated BP 1 with mixed states galore, I am addicted to the experience of relief. Relief is what I have been chasing my entire adolescent and adult life.

I am used to feeling crazy and miserable, but then smoking a cigarette and feeling relief, getting drunk and feeling relief, getting high and feeling relief.

But proper medication like this Zyprexa prescription takes away the chaos and most of the misery, so that there is no longer the experience of relief. I feel fine, and then I smoke a cigarette, and I feel no different.

I'm trying to just give it time, I figure it's going to take me a while to get used to this new way of existing. But I've realized just how huge this type of cycle, of misery and relief, has been in my life and my psyche. I've learned throughout my life to equate relief with "happiness" or "feeling good". I am still wandering blind and clueless trying to figure out what actual happiness and feeling good is like.

It's weird.

[Capriciousness]

Yes I can really relate to this. I do have a lot of real happiness though but I've been doing this for awhile but I totally get the relief thing. You described it really really well. I never thought of it quite like that. When I'm feeling good it doesn't happen so much but when I'm just kinda off or worse I really want that relief.

[elevatedsoul]

i need some relief

pot usually is my escape...
i haven't smoked in a while now and its taking a toll
so i can relate, im glad that the zyprexa is helping your cravings... the pdoc said it would help my cravings but i still just want more... always need more...

[Crazy Hitch]

That is interesting what you're saying about the cigarettes.

I think certain medications certainly do have an effect on decreasing nicotine cravings / withdrawls.

I don't know at all what role olanzapine - as in if it's a biological mechanism or a psychological one.

I guess if your stress levels aren't sky high and you're not frantically searching for a cigarette feeling like the world's about to end as you light one and then get that relief that is something that could be missed.

[CopperStar]

I guess I'm just used to grappling with deficits and negatives. Now that I am stable, I have to focus on building new things up in my life, rather than always frantically trying to fill potholes. I think this is a good thing, but it just feels so foreign and weird.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I once had a very bad episode and CRAVED cigarettes. Which is kind of weird since I have never smoked even a puff of one. I don't even know HOW to smoke. But my body wanted nicotine desperately, so much that I was fighting to not beg others to "borrow" cigarettes and I am still pretty amazed I made it through that without starting to smoke. But it truly was like my body knew that the chemicals would provide relief and it was out to get it any way possible. My psychiatrist and therapist had never heard of anyone having this but it was very real and very difficult. Instead I got Seroquel which was the first AP that actually worked for me without sending me to the ER. I still wonder sometimes if the Seroquel (and now the 2nd AP) were taken away if I would be a smoker. Probably not because I couldn't afford it and I'm very strict about budgets. But I'd hate to think I'd still be wanting to smoke because that was a heavy, heavy craving.

[Capriciousness]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I once had a very bad episode and CRAVED cigarettes. Which is kind of weird since I have never smoked even a puff of one. I don't even know HOW to smoke. But my body wanted nicotine desperately, so much that I was fighting to not beg others to "borrow" cigarettes and I am still pretty amazed I made it through that without starting to smoke. But it truly was like my body knew that the chemicals would provide relief and it was out to get it any way possible. My psychiatrist and therapist had never heard of anyone having this but it was very real and very difficult. Instead I got Seroquel which was the first AP that actually worked for me without sending me to the ER. I still wonder sometimes if the Seroquel (and now the 2nd AP) were taken away if I would be a smoker. Probably not because I couldn't afford it and I'm very strict about budgets. But I'd hate to think I'd still be wanting to smoke because that was a heavy, heavy craving.

This is very interesting because I craved cigarettes forever and had never smoked. what is that?

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I don't know! I assume there is something in 2nd hand smoke that we pick up on enough to know that it will help. But nobody could answer while I was running around desperate to smoke. I am so glad that I'm not the only one (although sorry you've been through that before because it sucks).

The other alternative at the time was that I gave up caffeine completely around the same time and that it might have been related. But I don't see how. I truly think my body wanted cigarette smoke, however it knew that.

[CopperStar]

There have been numerous studies that nicotine helps give relief to people who suffer from psychotic mental illness. The research started after there were findings that a very, very high percentage of people with psychotic illnesses smoke cigarettes. Also that the worse the psychosis, generally the more cigarettes per day would be consumed. And it did turn out eventually that nicotine somehow helps. It is also a hot topic in regards to humane treatment / human rights, like as far as denying people with schizophrenia the right to smoke cigs when they are in treatment facilities.

[elevatedsoul]

dont start smoking!

[CopperStar]

Originally Posted by elevatedsoul

dont start smoking!

Haha, yeah, this ^ . But just saying that if you do smoke, and you have bipolar disorder, the chances are very high that you were desperately self-medicating, not like you're an idiot who doesn't know that cigarettes are unhealthy. Every time someone in person tries to lecture me on smoking, I just want to.. well, it's violent.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I have seen those studies and seen the results when I worked in a long-term psych facility. That place enabled smoking to avoid nicotine withdrawls and mood effects; they actually helped people who were cognitively able to say "I want a cigarette" but physically couldn't hold one to smoke by holding the cigarettes for those people. And I remember doing therapy during smoke break with a number of people because it was the only time of day they were cooperative and relaxed (they had I think 7 smoke breaks daily). And for me to do that would mean that it was a drastic difference because I really dislike the smell of the smoke (another reason my wanting to smoke is weird).

Later when I worked in home health I caught whopping cough which damaged my lungs. I had a patient with severe bipolar who was coming out of a really bad episode and I had to tell her she couldn't smoke with me present. I had to leave her house once because during our session she said she needed the bathroom and proceeded to smoke 2-3 cigarettes hoping I wouldn't know. Unfortunately the smoke escaped of course and I had to get out of there. I felt so guilty with her because I knew how badly she needed the nicotine, even though plenty of my co-workers didn't let people smoke in front of them even without asthma. It was one of many times my own illness made me very sensitive to others but I couldn't do anything about it (usually that was because I was keeping my privacy but sometimes it was about understanding certain things more deeply.) And then there were times I was less sensitive....those were bad....

[SillyKitty]

My mom and husband (who smokes) are on my case about it constantly, and I'm like um...I KNOW it's bad for me, but I could be SIing like last time I quit, or drinking or drugging or shopping like other times. My addiction counselor said I am addicted to addictions. We still got a smoke break half way through the 3 hour group. A lot of people started after seeing how it calmed all the smokers. DON'T DO IT!!!

Congratulations!

You sound as if you are at a very good point, at the moment.

[raspberrytorte]

That's great the zyprexa has eliminated your nicotine cravings! I would love to be on something that would do that!

I always get harassed about smoking, by random strangers. Usually random men. Like the guy who came up to me while I was on my smoke break at work and said, "You're going to die of lung cancer. Har har! My dad died of that, but you don't care about that, do you?" And he had a real belly laugh about it. Every time I go outside I do an eye roll in advance and wonder who's going to harass me. Lol.

I didn't start smoking like a chimney until after my last episode, and I've been experiencing mild psychosis ever since, so maybe there's some validity to that research concerning psychosis disorders and smoking.

Oh, and I think that maybe certain medications can make you smoke more. Because I didn't start smoking like a chimney until they put me on seroquel. But I like to blame seroquel for everything. Lol.

I have never hated a med more than I hate seroquel. Seriously. ****ing seroquel. I'm so happy I'm not on it anymore.

[Nix]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I once had a very bad episode and CRAVED cigarettes. Which is kind of weird since I have never smoked even a puff of one.

This exact situation has happened with me a few different times over the last six years. A really strong craving for cigarettes even though I don't smoke, (and haven't ever.) Strange.