Genetics- passing it on- feeling guilty

So my 21 year old daughter was recently diagnosed Bipolar 2. I feel that I have let her down and its my fault. I know I can't control it, but I'd love to hear from others in the same boat...

Why don't you try focusing on all the wonderful things she's inherited from you? Bipolar sucks but at least she's young so can get treatment right away. Don't feel guilty. Did you want that to happen? No. Did you try and be a great mom? I'm sure you did, and are. You have no control over genetics.

I have 3 kids... There is a decent chance one will have bipolar disorder.. I can only hope that I can help him/her at that time through my own life experience with it. I'm sure it's not a good feeling but I believe as a kid having a parent they can talk to about similar experiences would be somewhat a sigh of relief

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My paternal bloodline passed on mental illness to me, and I am glad I've had the chance to live. I've also helped people throughout my life, and hopefully can continue to do so in the future. I am not a waste of life, and neither is your daughter. I don't say this in a huffy tone, just a very matter of fact tone.

I also just wanted to say that there is a long line of BP and substance abuse in my family. And each of those people are some of the most empathetic, fascinating, inspiring people. BP is a curse but in some ways it's a gift. While I wish I didn't have it I don't blame my parents for passing it down to me. I know they love me, like you love your daughter. You are in a unique position to help her get through this.

My oldest daughter (18) has been diagnosed with latent schizophrenia and MDD, but she doesn't blame me. She, like myself, loves life, mental illness and all. I think it makes us more empathetic than a lot of people, even though there are downsides. Those are short when compared to overall life. I'm sure you weren't hoping you can pass it on. I bet you were a great mom, and that's what really matters.

I was diagnosed Bipolar I at age 43.. My daughter 3 months later at age 19..

Did I feel guilty? Of course, sure, absolutely !

She finally got me past it.. with common sense logic and some down right yelling at times.

She said she wouldn't change anything even if she could, She loves who she is. She's a musician... She is doing really well , Had a rough spot a month or so back.. But shes very proactive and she is not only living but thriving ..

There is Zero history of MI in my family or on her fathers side. So we just drew the golden ticket for some reason.

I know so many neurotypicals that couldn't handle a week let alone a day in my life.. I'm a super hero !

At least you'll be empathetic towards her and be able to help her when things get difficult.

Both of my children have been diagnosed and I often feel guilty. I also feel a tremendous sadness knowing now difficult their lives are going to be because of it.

A lot of my guilt is because of how they grew up with my BP. I spent a lot of time depressed and was not a great Mom during those times. They also had to live with the fallout of my rash decisions. When they were younger I was very unstable and dragged them through some painful stuff.

There is no point to feeling guilty though. It does none of us any good. In fact, it does us all harm. I have to remind myself that I was doing what I could at the time, given the resources I had.

All I can do for my children is to be there and to understand them. I try my best to, but there BP is different from mine so I do my best. It's tempting for me to think that what's worked for me will work for them. I'm on meds and would like to see them try it as well, but neither one wants that. So I have to accept their decisions and just be as supportive as I can. I do keep telling them: "You don't have to live this way'"

It also gives us more insight into what our loved ones go through with us. Now WE are the loved ones watching our BP person go through it. It sucks, but I think we can be there for them in a way that a non-BP parent could.

So I think it has it's positives and negatives like everything does, but one thing is for sure. We are no more to blame for passing BP on to our children than any other parent is for passing on Down's or any other genetic issue.

Lisa

I feel terrible about it but my daughter says knowing what I went though gives her more incentive to be proactive about the BP. Unlike me she went through a lot of drugs and drug rehab and then she decided that she could continue that life or do better. She also says that she wouldn't change anything. She and hubby have just bought their first house and in her early 30's she's much more stable than I ever was at that age.

I inherited my bp,and wouldn't change it, but that's the mania talking! Even in my worst depressions I've never blamed my parents, anymore than I've blamed them for my brown eyes. It just is.

Yeah it's a weird thing because it can make you feel guilty but you're not to blame. Ya know. Like everyone else is saying.

My personal feeling is that a Bipolar life is still a life worth living. It is still a precious life.

If my parents had magically been able to know that I would be Bipolar I would not have wanted them to terminate the pregnancy. I am glad to be alive.

And if my kids have Bipolar I will be there for them in a way nobody is there for me.

I like who I am. I'm weird and creative and very emphathetic. There are worse things than bp. Yeah it sucks, but I'm happy I'm alive.

If my daughter inherits MI from me, I'm going to be there for her. My parents were never there for me, and I think that's why I wasted most of my twenties as a huge drunk.

I have four grown children, only one of whom shows signs of being bipolar, and he is currently being evaluated for possible BP 2. I used to think that I wouldn't have had kids if I'd known I was bipolar back then, but of course I'm glad I did, and fortunately they've been able to build successful lives even though I was really unstable throughout their childhoods. We've all had to learn about this disease together, and that has made us closer than ever.

If I had known I was bipolar when my wife and decided to have kids, I might not have had children at all. It's a horribly hard position to take, but bipolar disorder can be a terribly difficult and debilitating mental illness to cope with, and I wouldn't wish it on anybody -- let alone my own children. One of my three children is clearly bipolar, and she, her children, and the alcoholic father of her children are living in a tent.

I was very "lucky" and got it from my mother, and grew up with my sister also having BP.

I recently had a discussion with my old Pdoc about the whole "passing it on" thing, and he made a good point...if it happens it isn't the end of the world. If anything, they have a chance of managing it better from the beginning because you can guide them and help them help themselves (depending on when it starts showing).

My sister was constantly in and out of the hospital because of and my mother experienced psychosis and had to be admitted as well every few months, and she got to the point of being aggressive towards family and threatening people because of what she heard or saw.

Growing up as one of the "passed on" kids, when it manifested I was first scared that I would go through what my sister and mother do, but instead I got help and have no interest in stopping treatment because I have seen it go wrong. Okay, the treatment isn't perfect, but I have a support system now and am working on things.

In a way, those experiences helped me better understand what my future could look like and to notice the signs, and to embrace treatment. Yes, because of my experience I also had a very rough childhood that keeps coming back, but my case doesn't happen to everyone.

I can understand why one would be afraid of passing it on, but if it happens it can be helped. If you want kids and you have the means to support them, I personally think that you should have them. If they end up with BP, so be it, they won't be going at it alone and it can be seen (mentioned above) a means to learn and grow together.

I am happy with just having a furbaby though.

Double post, somehow.

My father was bipolar and my mom has fibromyalgia. Neither knew at the time they decided to have kids. I'm the only one out of four children to be diagnosed with either (so far; who knows what might happen). I blame my mom for not listening when I say I'm in pain, for questioning whether I really have either of these disorders, and for making me feel like I'm a lazy person on the days my depression is so heavy I can't get up. I blame my dad for being an all-star jackhole. It's never crossed my mind to blame them for the brain chemistry that I was born with.

We are all victims of the issues our parents have. whatever they are. there are worse issues a parent can have than Bipolar. and everyone has different bipolar. people will feel differently about this issue based on their own and their children's version of the illness.

just another thought

I didn't know that I was mentally ill when I had my daughter. I got lucky and she didn't inherit being bipolar but had I known of my mental illness I would have had to really given it a lot of thought before I brought a child into the world. My daughter has chosen not to have children so I don't have to worry about it being passed down.

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I'm so sorry your child is affected by this. My heart goes out to you as I know how awful it feels.

My 18 year old son shows all the signs and symptoms of BP. The guilt I feel is strong. I love him with all my heart, and know all too well what he will go through.

He pushes me away so much when he's in a mood, and he won't let me mention BP to him. He refuses labels and will not talk to a therapist.

I'm glad I read through these posts. They helped me feel less alone and offered so much positive thoughts about this. It's really a difficult situation.