[shanghaipete]

I've been with my wife since January 2010, but we've only been married since November 2013. We've known for most of our relationship that she's bipolar, but the past year has been especially tough. She was recently taken off lithium and put on a regimen of Seraquil and Lamictil, and for the most part it's mellowed her out a bit. However, each time she does have a major episode--there have been about 3-4 big ones this year--they seem to be getting worse. She tells me she hates me and calls me names, and often she breaks things (the most recent was all of our wedding photos). In those instances, I don't even recognize her; it's like she's possessed, and it really scares me.

I want to know what I can do in those moments, when her rage turns to violence. When she is feeling well, my wife is the sweetest, kindest, warmest person you will ever meet. And I know I don't help when she's ill; I get mad at the things she says and I argue back, and it just leads to disaster. But I don't want to lose her; I want to do everything I can for her. Sometimes I just can't tell where she leaves off and the illness begins. What should I do?

[CANDC]

Hi pete, sorry you are suffering from the periodic episodes your wife is having. Under ideal circumstances the meds will stabilize the patients moods so they do not wildly go from one to the other. Talk to her psych doc and tell them she is not staying stable and her moods can be very angry and out of sorts. They may decide to change the meds. If they do nothing, and she continues to be unstable, another option is to get a second opinion from another psych doc.

What is important is to take care of yourself. Being a caregiver can wear you down and cause you to feel depressed or anxious. Some caregivers even find it helps to enter therapy to deal with the flash back and to deal with one's own challenges so as to be more sensitive and responsive to the moods of their spouse. Ridding one's own anger and nasty responses along with getting the right mixture of meds can help reduce the patients eratic emotions.

Here are several articles on how to cope with a bipolar partner.
Psych Central - Search results for Coping with bipolar partner

[Disorder7]

Sometimes... Just because we have medication does not mean we are taking it, or taking it as directed.
I was feeling pretty good and decided to stop taking my meds. There are high functioning people on this forum who don't take meds. They meditate and all is well. I wanted to be like that.

But then I attacked my husband. I'm not going into details.

I'm just saying, if I was married to a bipolar, I would count their pills to make sure they are compliant. If they are being compliant but the meds aren't working, I would personally go in to talk to their doctor.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm sorry what my husband has gone through. I hope things get better for us all.

[Sesiley]

Sit down with her and make a trigger list for Mania, mixed, and depression episodes.

Write down the signs of on coming episodes. Have her doctors number and warning signs for her to go to the hospital.

This is making a family crisis plan.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G750A using Tapatalk

[easttowest]

I'm very sorry that you are going through this.

I'm bipolar and in a serious relationship with a non-mentally ill man. He's had a pretty simple life, so how he knows how to handle me is beyond my comprehension, but I'm happy for it!
This is what works for us: Our defense against major episodes is to prevent rather than deescalate. We let everyone close to us know of my condition, and the warning signs of an episode, so the pressure isn't entirely on him. Everyone's warning signs are different, so as Sesiley said, making a trigger list together is a great idea.
I take my mood stabilizer every single night, no other option. We have gone through the best way to prevent an episode from forming, and agreed on terms that are reasonable for me to take my as needed antipsychotic or anti-anxiety. I limit caffeine and alcohol, and stick to about 8 hours of sleep, and if I am showing any symptoms, then we know those guidelines have to become even more strict.

When I am enraged about something, what helps me is feeling that I have someone on my side. Sometimes if my boyfriend agrees with me rather than tries to rationalize with me, I simmer down a lot faster. It's an unorthodox approach, but it works for us. Another approach we use is having designated destruction. It feels good to release anger. For example, taking up cardio kick boxing or playing Grand Theft Auto or throwing things in a controlled environment has all calmed me down to feeling human again.

Hopefully any of this information is useful. I am sending good thoughts your way.