Looking for some insight?

I'm searching for some answers for myself and my mental health and would really appreciate some feedback!
I'm 24 years old and for as long as I can remember I have cycled in and out of depression. My low 'ruts' can last from 1 week to 4 weeks and then I come out happy as anything and then feel great again.
I only sought help this past year as I went through a week of being absolutely certain that my newborn was dying of whooping cough. Got diagnosed with a panic disorder and put on ativan.

When I was 20 I started trying to read up on my symptoms and maybe get some help and I always come across bipolar and I fit most symptoms. My biggest being the major mood swings that I switch in and out of. The extreme anger I feel, I can't leave my house, never happy etc... then out of nowhere having lots of energy and feeling overly confident and optimistic.

The things that stand out to me most though are the 'mystical experiences'..
During my good weeks, I can go outside and feel the ultimate happiness at just being outside and looking at the sky and trees.
Also finding meaning in every little thing.. My whole life I feel have been a long list of coincidences. Finding something that I believed was sent to me, seeing a tv show and just knowing it was a sign that I should fly to a different country etc..

I truly am fed up with going up and down in my moods. My depressive mood is the worst, I literally feel like I cannot handle life at all. I do not want to face anything and I would love to go get help for this.. I'm just nervous that I'm over thinking things and this is all normal..

Thanks in advance

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No this is not "normal" at all.
I would suggest that you print out your post and show it to your doctor. Starting with a doctor will be the start of recovery and it may involve therapy, medications both or neither, only your doctor can tell you for sure.

Please post again, we are here to help but we can't diagnose you.

Sou.ds like bipolar to me

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Thankyou for the feedback.

I would really like to seek help for this, I have been in and out of the doctors office countless times for the past year for my anxiety and depression.
I have also seen a therapist for 6 months, but I haven't found it to be very helpful.

I have a really hard time telling people the way I feel.. Especially a doctor.. Going to talk to someone about this brings great anxiety.


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can you get an appointment with a psychiatrist? they specialize in this so would be better to help you

it sounds like you know something is going on, thats a good thing and you can learn a lot of coping skills through therapy

I'm not even sure how it all works here, i immigrated to Canada and I know some things aren't covered under my health care, but if I got a referral from my doctor it probably is..

Honestly, I know something isn't right and I have been searching for answers for so long now. I'd love to just know what's going on so I can make a start to getting better. Thanks again, I just need to pluck up the courage to go talk to somebody about it

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I'm not sure how things work in Canada but hopefully if you are referred to a psychiatrist by your regular doctor I would think it would be covered. From the symptoms you described, yes that is not normal, yes you should seek help from a pdoc. Usually your regular doctor doesn't mind making the referral, most of them will only handle small problems and would rather hand off the big ones. As far as the pdoc goes, you don't have to be embarrassed to see one, they have seem it all before. A good therapist might not hurt either.

I hope you find the answer to your troubles sooner then later. Good luck!

If you get nervous talking about your symptoms, make a list of everything you told us. Make sure you describe your ups as well as your downs. This will help if you get frazzled and forget certain things. You can also ask your pdoc to evaluate you for bipolar and he/she will ask you guided questions or give you a short written test.