[cashart10]

So, the last two days I have been psysically sick which I am certain has had a terrible affect on my mental state. Today I slept until 2:30 when I HAD to go pick up my kiddos from school. I came home and slept more. That is pretty much the story of this week. I can think of nothing other than there is no way I can do it. I can't remember to sign off on my son's behavior chart every day. I won't remember to do or turn in his homework once a week. I won't remember to pick up my daughter, niece and nephews from school each day. I cannot keep a clean house. How will I have the energy to give the kids baths or bathe myself? I cannot even get off of the ****ing couch.

Possible trigger:

Because of this, I should kill myself.

I know how irrational this is, but I can't overcome it. Is this depression rearing again or is it lack of energy causing severe low thinking? I am taking a stimulant still and I drink coffee. I don't understand. I want to cry.

[raspberrytorte]

Hang in there, cash. I get overwhelmed by everything I have to do too, especially when I think about it all at once, which I'm doing right now. Shyt.

[gina_re]

That does sound frustrating. But give yourself some credit, you did get up today despite going back to sleep. If you are sick, well that does have an effect on your mood. Being sick is draining. It does sound like depression, so I would check in with your pdoc or t and see how they can help. Or maybe even your gp can see what's making you ill. But you're not alone in this fight. That's what this forum is for. Pm me if you ever need someone to talk to.

[wiretwister]

One small step at a time , ... one small task , ... then give yourself a pat on the back , ... even if is just making coffee , ... no small task when your feeling so sick and tired , ... you can get thru this , ... I believe in you and will be praying for you , ...

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Get through being sick before you panic. Nothing destabilizes like a sick body, at least for me. These last 8 months started with influenza. But watch it, give it a deadline, and call the pdoc if it's not better by that point.

It's hard to have to be responsible when you are sick, bipolar or not.

[Trippin2.0]

All very good points made, being sick makes everyone miserable, so cut yourself some slack, because our misery runs deep.

Howeverrrr, I would like to point out that, for some of us, suicidal thinking can become habitual, sort of like a default setting...

I am / was one of those people.

So whenever we feel bad, our default is, " I must end", whether we're actively suicidal or not.

The reason I'm bringing this up, is because there are methods we can learn to change our default thinking. No it certainly does not mean we will never experience suicidality ever again, but it does mean we might not automatically think of offing ourselves whenever we're in a bad space.

Me? Whenever I have what I personally deem as "unnecessary" thoughts, well then I counter those negative thoughts with 3 positive thoughts.

Because as brilliant as the brain is, it can't really process opposites simultaneously for any length of time. So overriding it is very much possible.

And while this may seem like only a short term reprieve, it also allows for new healthier habits to form in your thinking pattern.

It's hard work, but it is worth it at the end of the day.
Idk when last I thought it better to off myself than go to work.