[BeyondtheRainbow]

When I've been in the hospital before I've always been a direct admit (skipped the ER). I've always gotten to go to the nice unit for mood disorders because my pdoc has arranged that. Years ago she told me she'd never let me go anywhere else.

I don't know how well I communicated what I was thinking to her because she said she doesn't know if I can be a direct admit or if I will have to go to the ER, which means I'd go to one of 2 units. And the 2nd unit is totally new to me and I'm not up for new right now. I've thought I could do this because I can imagine what it is like. I don't want to be someplace new.

I also don't want to go until Monday which may be enough time for a direct admit unless she is saying she doesn't want to do that. I'm not sure what she meant; I just am too emotional to interpret things. I can't go until Friday and that means not seeing a dr who will change things until Monday anyway; I can stay home until Monday and get changes on Tuesday just as well. And my niece's 2nd birthday is Saturday and as much as that will be hard to do I want to go and force a couple hours of "happy" out. It's just so complicated why but my family has been torn apart in the last 18 months and I don't want to make another hole, for them or for me. I did email my sister about the situation because she should know ahead of time but ugh.
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I just want to wake up tomorrow and feel better and not have to do this. Or just get the direct admit. I will be ok if I know where I'm landing when I arrived.

[Victoria'smom]

Call your unit and see how to be directly attmited. You maybe can convince an urgent care or gp to directly addmit you.

[raspberrytorte]

Skipping the ER is good. That place is frickin expensive, even when they'd don't actually have to do anything.

I hope you can get a direct admit and feel better soon.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

With Medicare the ER costs are waived if you are admitted. I'll be admitted, I've got just enough self-harm thoughts to ensure that. So at least that is one bill I won't have, I hope. I am very anxious about the bill though. Medicare has one amount you pay for an inpatient admission and after that it is covered 100% except drs. are covered at 80%. But the copay is $1200 and the drs bills will be a lot so it won't be cheap. And I'm just at the point of really seeing progress with my payments from surgery last year. I thought I was within months of only having to pay for therapy and my pdoc every month and now I've got this huge bill coming plus extra therapy sessions until I'm stable enough that they trust me to be safe (I have a history of lying about this so I am watched carefully coming out of these things and this particular time I feel like I am not going to hurt myself now but if I had more energy I might then so watching will be in order) and the extra anxiety is not helping.

I haven't heard from my pdoc which I am guessing means I'm going in through the ER. I still don't understand why exactly but I know direct admissions aren't that common. I just don't want to land in the in-between unit. I can ask to go to where I've been before and assume if there is a bed there that I'd be put there. I know she has wanted me to see the dr on the unit I don't go to so maybe that's the point. I just don't know and I hate not knowing when I feel crappy and anxious already.

the only benefit to going in sooner would be to get that part over with. I think I'm going to go Sunday unless the direct admit works out for monday. Then I'll be there to see a pdoc on Monday morning. And that gets it over with more quickly. At least this should be a shorter admission.