Bipolar daily check-in thread # 10

Unrigged64072835 · Nov 13, 2015, 11:55 AM

Went to a women's group at church a couple of days ago. With all my anxiety issues it was a miracle not to bolt out the door. Instead of beating around the bush as to why I hadn't been there for so long I blurted out my bipolar diagnosis. Nobody was offended and they seem to understand. What a relief. At least there's another place outside of home where I feel safe.

In a creative mood but don't know where or what to start.

Souris · Nov 13, 2015, 01:32 PM

Well, I had a bit of a breakdown last night that resulted in me grossly sobbing for about an hour and a half.
Today....I'm still not feeling great.
It's 12:30pm and have yet to eat because I don't feel hungry at all.
Honestly, I just want to sleep.

gayleggg · Nov 13, 2015, 02:50 PM

My depression is worse today. Nothing much to do about it.

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Pikku Myy · Nov 13, 2015, 03:23 PM

Kind of bouncing all over the place emotionally. High anxiety

Nammu · Nov 13, 2015, 04:19 PM

high anxiety....There's a group of guys painting a unit. its making a terrible racket, between that and they're hanging out around their pickup truck.....at one point two went after each other, yelling..... I can't tell serious beat em up anger from guys playing at beating each others,,,,it all makes me nervous.

99 FAIRIES · Nov 13, 2015, 04:54 PM

I feel tired today. Woke up at 3am ready to start the day. Obviously too early so I took more sleep meds and I feel like they're still in my system

Nov 13, 2015, 05:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scatterbrained04

Feeling highly motivated to do the things I want to do. However, not motivated at all to do what I have to do. This adult thing is hard.

Amen to that! Story of my life...

Last few days, dysphoric hypomania. Energy up, getting quite a lot done (among other signs), but hating on myself and wanting it all To.Not.Be.
Overwhelm. Irritability. Saying things I normally just keep inside. Scattered thinking. Derailing. Losing track. Speaking mixed up. Getting lost in minutiae. Not comprehending reading things.

Then there's sitting on my butt still in jammies for 3+ hours(!) writing this ...procrastinating over a shower.

Meds adjusted about a week ago, has brought the irritability level down some. I had messed with them. Seemed logical at the time.

gina_re · Nov 13, 2015, 06:17 PM

First few days of PHP are done. I'm good when I'm there, I can socialize and everything, although I space out from time to time. But as soon as I get back in my car, I'm feeling s****y again. WTF

cogladaid · Nov 14, 2015, 01:24 AM

I broke down crying feeling hopeless and in a instant - IM SO ****ING HYPER YES IM BACK BABY THIS IS THE BEST NEVER BRING ME BACK DOWN MWHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

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Pastel Kitten · Nov 14, 2015, 01:25 AM

Felt absolutely terrible yesterday, but doing better today. Not great, but not as bad. Really hoping to get out of my depression soon.

cogladaid · Nov 14, 2015, 01:28 AM

I'm not officially diagnosed with anything because doctors are ****ing assholes and don't even want to think about the possibility they don't believe me how ******** is that well **** them and their stupid ****ing *** attitude maybe I'm good not being on medication medication is poison anyway I don't want them ****ing with my brain maybe it's for the best maybe maybe idk sometimes I think I should totally be medicated and regulated but most of the time I hate the idea pills and pills and maybe I'll feel better maybe I'll feel worse maybe I can think them into giving me antides and they'll leave me in this constant hypomanic state I love that I miss that that was the best I never want to come back down sleep is for losers I'm so much better than that I ****ing love this

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gayleggg · Nov 14, 2015, 05:28 PM

My depression should be better today but it's not, if anything it's worse. I don't know how much longer I can stand it. I know I need to take it one day at a time and try to relax but it's not coming easy.

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gina_re · Nov 14, 2015, 06:43 PM

Had a horrible night because my sleep is still f'ed up. I took my car in for service bright and early this morning, and I even put on my workout clothes so I could go to the gym afterwards. Well it took longer than expected (I got there late because I was stuck in traffic) and I was just tired and hungry. So I stopped at Mickey D's on the way home and went to bed. I woke up and need to do laundry, but that task felt overwhelming. But since I'm running low on clothes, I did finally convince myself to do a load, but just a smaller one so I have something to wear. Eh, what a day...

Standup2me · Nov 14, 2015, 10:23 PM

Bah
Why bother?
Why worry?
Why care?
Why wonder?

Pastel Kitten · Nov 14, 2015, 11:17 PM

Spent the first half of the day still feeling depressed, but it's been getting progressively better. I'm feeling decent now.

Imah · Nov 15, 2015, 09:05 AM

Please don't worry about responding, I am just letting go.

My day: Started content and normal -----> Pretty fast escalation (hours). Now, have been up 25 hours, manic, paranoid, guilt, depression, obsessive, angry, Ms. Fix It, All knowing...

Trying to make good choices and be calm. I am sad. I was FINE! And now ... nearly uncontainable. Mental Illness!

scatterbrained04 · Nov 15, 2015, 09:17 AM

So someone in my family gave a guy my number, no doubt trying to play match maker. I really enjoyed speaking with him. I'm terrified though. I don't know how to act. I haven't dated in 6 years. So used to being alone. Might not turn in to anything, too early to tell. I'm afraid he'll hit the ground running when he sees how I can be. I'm afraid to even try.

gayleggg · Nov 15, 2015, 11:54 AM

I'm feeling some better today. Not as depressed or anxious.

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gina_re · Nov 15, 2015, 12:01 PM

I have to go to a celebration today (I'm Buddhist), but it just feels so overwhelming to have to get up, shower and drive all the way up there. It should make me feel better to be around all that positive energy, but I just can't right now. It makes me feel somewhat guilty and I just want to sleep it off. And I'm pissed that my neighbor is just so loud with his music! Pisses me off everytime! Mind you that we both live in single family homes and I can still hear it!!

fishin fool · Nov 15, 2015, 05:53 PM

Kinda stable today

Nammu · Nov 15, 2015, 06:55 PM

Turned the AC back on last night between that and two ambian I had a good night sleep and feel more human today.

hopeless2015 · Nov 15, 2015, 07:13 PM

Get up take meds, go to work eat supper take meds, go to sleep start over....not complaining though..stable it's all good

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Unrigged64072835 · Nov 15, 2015, 08:08 PM

Went to church. Hope to do more with them so I can get out of the house more. Doing okay so that is a plus, especially with the roller coaster I was on last week.

Nov 16, 2015, 06:07 AM

quiet weekend.

didn't get anything done Saturday at all, which was rather shameful

cooked myself a Christmas dinner yesterday with turkey and potatoes.

listened to a lot of Christmas music

had a dvd arrive which was the wrong region, so sent it back

unable to sleep all weekend

mood: depressed, but cold weather is helping a little

Nevvy · Nov 16, 2015, 07:38 AM

Pretty good, met with my nurse today and we made a to do list and such, along with finishing my long term treatment plan.

I finally feel like I am working my way towards that - since now - fabled "functioning" status. Still a long way to go, but baby steps.

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Bipolar daily check-in thread # 10

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