[Blackbeltwolfmother]

Hi all,

Just wondering if anyone else has had this happen. I recently found out about something I did a while ago that was not nice at all, to my husband. I literally cannot remember doing it, which is disturbing!!
I have been struggling a lot lately with anxiety and low moods, but not hyponanias I don't think. Though I spose maybe a slight one that was aggressive?? I'm on lamictal for that so im usually pretty stable. I have been trying to find an add on med to help with the anxiety but the two I've tried have been horrible with side effects so I tapered off both. I'm not sure if this happened when I tried the first one (seroquel) or before that.

Anyone??

[HALLIEBETH87]

I mostly just do things in mania that I don't remember doing or how I acted toward someone.

Yes during mania and psychosis.

[wiretwister]

A lot, it seems to coming back to me a piece at a time ....

[mom2trips+1]

Originally Posted by Blackbeltwolfmother

Hi all,

Just wondering if anyone else has had this happen. I recently found out about something I did a while ago that was not nice at all, to my husband. I literally cannot remember doing it, which is disturbing!!
I have been struggling a lot lately with anxiety and low moods, but not hyponanias I don't think. Though I spose maybe a slight one that was aggressive?? I'm on lamictal for that so im usually pretty stable. I have been trying to find an add on med to help with the anxiety but the two I've tried have been horrible with side effects so I tapered off both. I'm not sure if this happened when I tried the first one (seroquel) or before that.

Anyone??

Yes, I have. When I am very enraged/angry I will say things and do things I don't remember. My therapist thinks it is a form of dissociation due to PTSD. It has only happened a handful of times and happened only with my husband.

[loophole]

Done some pretty embarrassing things and completely have 0 memory of some of them

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[WibblyWobbly]

Yes, I have done it in manic episodes. During my last one I was IP and I called my family and threatened them every day for 3 weeks but I have no memory of it. I also dissociate during arguments so I may or may not remember what was said.

[stuckinreverie]

Half the time, I don't even think my mouth has a censor. I just talk and BOOM wish I hadn't said that. I don't know if it has anything to do with stress, mania, or whatever... I just end up saying a lot of things that I wish I hadn't said aloud. I try to be more conscious of my speech as a result, but I'm not good at it yet.

[Blackbeltwolfmother]

Nice to know I'm not alone in this at least! I don't think I was in a mania just been really stressed for an extended period of time.
I do also have those moments when stuff that's derogatory or scathing just slups out fast, before I even realize what I'm saying. :/
I almost feel like I have tourettes sometimes!

So is this controlling angry outbursts a sign meds r not enough, or simply another thing I need to practice cbt on?

[BipolaRNurse]

I'm another BP who blanks out during manic episodes and can't remember some of the things I said or did. Even when I'm confronted with it and have to trust that I really did say or do those things (and my paranoia makes me wonder if I'm being gaslighted). For me the only way to prevent that is to not get manic in the first place.

[kindachaotic]

Also say & do things I don't remember. Not mean, well sometimes snappy or unfaithful/sexual.
Conversations, trips for lab work, bills paid or unpaid.
Maybe it's the meds or bipolar or my age.
It's unnerving & embarrassing.

[Curiosity77]

Yup, and not just if unstable. It's just been minor things mostly, like conversations, or not remembering if I've actually done certain chores, returned phone calls at work, stuff like that. When i was on valproate i would literally remember nothing of chunks of time, like go places with a friend and have no memory when they told me about it later. But that doesn't happen now, or in a long time. Still, the memory lapses i have now freak me out, and seem more frequent.

If you mean walking around in circles forgetting what you were doing, having to live off lists and notes written over hands and arms and whatever bits of paper you can find in the car then yes I have major problems in that area. Like Curiosity, there are literally months of my life that I have absolutely no idea what I did on a day to day level. Even photo's I took during those times have very little memories attached to them. I have a few mental pictures, but for the most, the last 15 years are very much blank. I have to rely on others around me to tell me what happened at various stages of my life, especially when it has to do with timing of events.

Short term, long term, I think it has everything to do with a combination of bipolar, meds and the memories that a brain try's hard to suppress.

[Wildflower4]

I definitely have large gaps I don't remember. I had some emotionally abusive relationships in the past and I sometimes think I can't remember chunks of time as a coping mechanism. It makes me really sad when my older kids say do you remember when I did this and don't know what they are talking about.

I think I forget other things when I'm manic like my attitude/things I've said that probably weren't appropriate. My husband will remind me of stuff I said and I have no recollection of it.