[notthisagain]

Eh, how do I put this...

The past couple of years has been especially rough on me. Before that, I was just taking Effexor for my depression and anxiey and I was stable enough to go to work every day. For the past two years, though, I have had to take intermittent leave and there were a couple of times that I had to take short term because my depression and anxiety were so bad. I was dx'd bipolar by my pdoc last May. I had a hard time, and I guess still, wrapping my head around it because I didn't recognize some of the symptoms of mania. Anyway, he put me on a mood stabilizer which helps me with the extreme irritability, and a couple of other meds. I am also taking Adderall for ADD.

Here is what is annoying me at the moment. Whenever I try to talk to my bf about what I am going through, he minimizes it. He knows that I take meds and that I go to therapy, and recently I started to go to a support group, which is helping me immensely. Anyway, sometimes he says that he wants to go to the group with me, not as friends/family for support, but because he thinks that he has depression or bipolar, too. I am not a doctor, so I am not going to try to diagnose him, but he has never been to a therapist, never been on meds, and never had something to the degree where it's disrupted his ability to work or do other things.

Maybe he really has something, maybe he doesn't, but in a way I feel like he is kind of making a mockery of the disorders. I don't think he truly understands because he gets on me for having to take time off of work (he understands nothing about family medical leave, and I've talked to him about it til I am blue in the face) and taking my medications. He's also said some of the worst things that you can possibly say to someone with depression, such as telling me to snap out of it and that he's got more stress than I do. At first, I wanted him to go to the support group with me, but I don't know. I think that I would rather go alone because I truly think that he doesn't get it.

Feedback, anyone?

[Rebound]

I think it's really unfortunate that he clearly has no understanding (nor has made much of an attempt judging by your post) of what mental illness is really like. To me, it's not "illness" if it isn't impacting your daily life any more than the normal stress of the rat race.

Unfortunately, other than supplying him with information to help him understand, I can only suggest finding someone who will support you fully whether or not he really understands you situation. Life is hard enough already without being with someone who will make it worse by their very attitude. Sadly, some people are just convinced that people with mental illness are just making mountains out of molehills and will not open their minds to the idea it is as much an illness as any other incurable disease.

I'm sorry to be so negative. I wish there was something positive I could say but I see no redeeming qualities in the attitude of this individual.

[vjdragonfly]

I don't think I would want him there either. By what I'm getting from your post he is not supportive and I would feel uncomfortable opening up if he is there. If he truly feels he has an MI he should talk to his Dr. so they can get him in with a Pdoc and that is exactly what I would tell him. You have enough on your plate just dealing with BP. Maybe suggest he goes to a family support group for ppl with MI's.
Sorry you are having to go through this.

[GemmaTeller]

Yeah, the BF doesn't sound supportive and could be disruptive to the group therapy process for you and others in the group. If you are able, an option might be to go to a couple's session with a psychologist/therapist, who can help answer some of the BFs questions about Bipolar Disorder, discuss ways to be supportive, what is not supportive, and resources if he wants to exploring concerns about himself. Depending on where you live, there may be a support group available for spouses/significant others/family members of those with bipolar/depression or another bipolar/depression group where BF could go separate from you.

[A Red Panda]

I wouldn't want a friend or a partner to be at any therapy-related things with me... it would make it harder to share and be honest.

That said, if he's saying to you that he's wondering if he has something... maybe he does. Some people are just really good at hiding their symptoms. Not everyone actually has their work or life severely impacted, like requiring time off. I've never needed time off, never had money issues, never been fired/on probation/etc... most of the time my friends won't notice how things are affecting me... etc. But yet I still have bipolar.

Stigma and idiotic sayings well, can happen even in people who are experiencing things. Just like how you will see females who are totally not feminist in any way - it's like they're against all the things that have been done to help equalize the genders. It comes from ignorance, but it doesn't negate a need for help. Why not just encourage him to go talk to someone for his own individual therapy?

Sorry that he's totally not supportive of you, I just wanted to give another perspective. The least supportive person in my life that I disclosed things to when I was going through seeing doctors for the first time... she takes anti-depressants to help with anxiety and depression. Yet she told me to get over the anxiety of seeing a doctor. I was floored with her TOTAL lack of any support or understanding and it pretty much ruined the friendship.