[Wander]

Last Wednesday my ex-husband had our dog put down. I wasn't given the chance to see her before she died. Just got a phone call to say she was gone. I am a bit upset with my ex because we had a plan for him to call me if she went down hill (she was old) and he didn't call me when she was clearly unwell. This has brought up hurts from my previous marriage (we spit 3 years ago) and many bad memories of that time. When I found out I was hypomanic and didn't really register it for a few days. Now my mood is very flat, even dark but also normal grieving. I am also becoming much more irritable and my mind races but I cannot concentrate to use my mind for university. I also feel extreme panic and have been abusing substances. Kind of tanking really.

[faerie_moon_x]

Grief is a big trigger for most people, I think. I'm sorry about your loss and that your ex didn't live up to his promise to call you.

Do you have a therapist or a pdoc you can call? Even a friend or family member for support? The abusing of substances is kind of worrisome and a big sign I think you need some reinforcements right now. Try to take care of yourself as best you can.

[gayleggg]

I'm sorry for your loss and that you didn't get to say goodbye to your beloved pet.

But you have to look after yourself. And that means no abusing substances to help deal with the pain. Please seek professional help to help you get through this.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Wander]

Thanks guys. I see my T today so we can talk about my grief and substance abuse. The irritability is off the charts so I have been chomping on a lot of Zyprexa too, which helps. I feel a lot of panic and anxiety and my mood is low. I just hope this will pass and another episode isn't on its way. The substance abuse has been going on for 2 months now and is only getting worse. With my T's help I think I can pull back on it and quit. It is a compulsion to be off my face. It is very strong. Will be tough to overcome but I think I am ready to quit now as the pot and alcohol is turning on me and not giving me the same high, instead making me more anxious and low. I have dug myself into a hole.