[Victoria'smom]

Yep, T was right. I'm sitting here holding my tong about to blow. The clicking of the keyboard is pissing me off. I'm shaking I have so much energy. I just spent all our money for Oct. on crap so now I have to find a way to pay electric oh well. Had to go to a food bank the other day because I mismanaged our food $. I almost bought an xbox one but my husband talked me out of it. This is going to be a rough month. I bought 150 books from scholastic k-6 and my son's in 9th. At least I can't spend anymore. I slept infrequent last night. I'm so bored. My husband's worried about my eating. Stupid nutritionist can't get me into her office until November. I stopped drinking soda though so yay me. Do you think I can still go psychotic on the abilify? I don't have pressured speech. I see T on Friday. I don't want him to see me like this. I got to calm down before seeing him. He's never seen me like this. not that it's bad yet.

Possible trigger:

I almost cut last night just to see the pretty red against my skin and play with it but I thought better of it and threw the blade out.

My husband doesn't think I'm manic because I have yet to become the all powerful ***** I usually am. Don't worry I'm keeping my distance so I can't hurt them physically. I'm going to smoke tonight to calm down. I have to wait until Miguel goes to bed because he doesn't know I'm smoking. I wonder how long this is going to last? any guesses? How can my husband not see it? how do I calm down before seeing T? I'm not going to the hospital again. I just had my six month anniversary of no hospitals. I know some of this should phase me but it doesn't I just have to remember I promised to drink at least ever other day. I'm so not going to the hospital. Any suggestions are welcomed except go to the hospital suggestion.

Can you get an emergency pdoc appointment? When I have any symptoms like that he makes a med change and gives me a PRN. This is a good step in the right direction. You're aware of what's going on and can make active steps to address it. Do you have a crisis plan in place? Can you listen to relaxing music and take a bath, maybe listen to some meditation podcasts in the meantime? You can get through this, you are strong!

[Victoria'smom]

last time I did an emergency appointment he sent me to the ER. I have a prn to sleep but hubby feels I'll abuse them. My crisis plans are only for suicide. A bubble bath sounds nice.

This is what I mean about a crisis plan. If you are talking about suicide as a solution you should probably go inpatient. I know it sucks by it's better than the other alternative.
http://www.maine.gov/dhhs/samhs/ment...structions.doc

[Victoria'smom]

No I'm not talking about suicide. I have a crisis plan when I'm on the verge of psychosis but not for this. I'm not that bad yet for my crisis plan. My crisis plan is things I'd need to be hospitalized for.

Then why are you worried about your pdoc hospitalizing you? That's usually a last resort. I'm sure she would much rather want you treated at home. These are the kind of situations where being proactive is key. You have the insight that something is wrong. Be your own best advocate!

[Victoria'smom]

Then why are you worried about your pdoc hospitalizing you? That's what seems to happen to me. I'm tempted to come off all my AD's but this feels nice. I see my T Friday and I'm sure he'll have an opinion. I see pdoc the 12th but that's my husband's appointment. Getting in to see him any sooner is almost impossible because he works 1.5 days a week.

Getting in to see him any sooner is almost impossible because he works 1.5 days a week.

Omg I'm in the wrong line of work! Lol

Get well sweety!

[Victoria'smom]

He works at other sites too.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Sounds like you need your meds tweeked a bit. I would hurry before u get worst. It sounds like you're like me when I get hypo. I get very mad and angry and have very bad thoughts towards myself. That's very dangerous. Tell your hubby you need your PRN tonight. Try and calm down and get some sleep. I have an app on my phone called "relax melodies" that I listen to and I fall right asleep. With help from a PRN of course. Hope you feel better. Get some rest!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Victoria'smom]

And I'm awake, great!

Glad you're feeling better! Stay safe. xo

Please take care

[Victoria'smom]

I'm seeing the nurse today for my shot.

[xxblackrosesxx]

I agree with Rxqueen875. Land softly dear