More ranting

OK I'm trying to get past this but since I'm freaking awake at 1:30 am here goes. I'm tired of feeling like no one gets his sick I am. I'm tired of my husband. Um tired of work of pretending I'm OK when I'm there when I just want to scream my head off when I'm there...I haven't bothered to go since last Thursday. I know my FMLA time is almost up but I don't care about that either. I lie to my therapist that I'm doing OK when I'm not, I drink too much, gamble then fall into this ugly place. My husband keeps saying we will change our ways but every weekend is the same and it always feels like its all my fault. We had plans with friends last sat that HE cancelled and guess what we did..yep.. Drank and gambled, If things don't go well he turns into a complete other person. He ended up hitting and then all was well with the world for him. I know I prob need to leave but I'm not in a place to care for myself right now. How did I get here? How did I become this person? This isn't me..this can't be my life!!

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Hi Hopeless15. I'm not an AA push it down your throat person but it's benefited me so I thought I'd mention it. I got sober 16 years ago and I was a hopeless drunk so it's amazing I got sober and have stayed sober all these years. It took me the classic "rock bottom" to get me through the doors of AA and it took a lot of hard work but here I am. I'd be dead now like many family members had I not got sober. There is also Gamblers Anonymous and I know many people who've gotten abstinent from gambling through them, although that's not a problem with me. I stopped going to AA last year due to issues I won't go into but it will always be part of my life one way or the other. I have mental health problems too so I see a psychiatrist and psychologist and I wouldn't have progressed with them had I not been sober. Some people need mental health support like me and others who get sober don't need them. Just some thoughts. Ask me any questions if you like. PM me if you like.

Are you safe? (((((( hug)))))))

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Please tell your therapist you're drinking and gambling to much. S/he can't help if s/he doesn't know. It sounds like your husband's having a rough time too is he in treatment? You may have to leave to get better.

Thanks for your responses.. I'm safe physically anyway... I need to come clean with therapist and my husband is in denial... Leaving is looking like the only option if I'm going to get well at this time..heartbreaking but reality

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"We never know how strong we are until the only choice we have is to be strong". No idea who said it, or if the quote is even right, but it's something that goes through my head every time I scream "I can't DO THIS anymore" - which is a lot. Just thought I would share.

Please try to be safe hun. I was almost an alcoholic. I didn't gamble but I was close to binge drinking again and honestly I am paying for it and it's hard. I hope you'll find a way to cope with it better

Looking back on my drunk days, I realized I was manic even while medicated. If I even felt like taking meds that day/wk. My bf enabled me too. But I would beg like a child for him to bring me a fkn 12 pack before he left for work. Bipolar and substance abuse do not mix. Right now I'm sober and taking my meds and I'm ok. Financially not so much but at least I'm not in IP pulling out my hair or sitting in bed with a drink in my hand. Sorry about the rant but bottom line, don't expect to get better unless you deal with your demons head on. I had to detox which was nothing.

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A lot of good advice here, the next step lies on you. Maybe if you seek out help your husband might follow. It is always best to be honest with your therapist otherwise they can't do their job. It is difficult to take the first step, but once you do it is a life saver.

Everyone has said such great things. It sucks when it feels like people just don't get what is really happening. This situation with your husband seems really really hard. I hope you get some peace with this soon. Hugs

Thanks to you all for the great responses. Just released from hospital... 2nd trip to mental health floor this year. Trying to add a new med and see if that stabilizes me out, released back to work in Wed. Will see how things go with my husband. Therapy next week and I'll come clean with her then

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You go girl! I hear ya about going to hospital and trying a med change. Been there many times. I hope it goes well with your therapist.