[GemmaTeller]

I am so sick of the med situation. I feel like a chemistry experiment whenever I go to the pdoc. Years of "we can try this or that" or "we need to adjust this or that". Without even knowing whether it is going to work or what the side effects will be. I guess we do it for periods of stability and the elusive desire to functional in some spectrum of 'normal'. Things haven't been right for a while now. I fully believe the pdoc putting me on Wellbutrin just royally screwed me up. It isn't the only issue but in putting me on it, cranking up the dose and pulling me off set something off in my brain. I am very angry. Part of me wants to stop all meds all together. The only drugs I want to take are ones that numb me out, I don't want to feel anything.

[Ndscisyv]

I can completely relate to the frustration of hearing "let's give this a try". Really? I've had several pdocs over the years and they were all different in their approaches. I even stopped all treatment for several years. I think things were ok for a while and when things started to go bad, I still convinced myself I was ok and "operating within normal parameters". Now I'm back in treatment and I have a new pdoc. She actually doesn't want to start me on more than one med at a time and she says she wants my feedback on what works, ask questions, etc.

Some of my past pdocs were not interested in listening to me. I had the option to move on eventually. I know some people don't have that option. If yours isn't receptive to your concerns and questions I guess I would suggest a different pdoc if you have that option over stopping meds. Just my opinion based on my experience.

Hope things start getting better for you soon. The med rollercoaster can be worse than the illness sometimes.

[Victoria'smom]

I hope things get better for you soon. I hate the pills, the fact pdoc don't know what they're doing, that it's not like a cold where you take x and feel better. Hopefully you'll find that magical cocktail soon.

[GemmaTeller]

I have had a cocktail that worked for a period of time but our brains or bodies like to play a mean game of "we don't like that normalized feeling" and things change again. I just keep wondering (and I recognize it is playing with fire) if I would be worse off if I were to stop meds. I am already irritable, sad, angry, not sleeping well if at all some nights. I am SI'ing nearly all the time with specificity. Part of me blames it on the change in meds that screwed with and messed me up. How do I trust that process that seems to be based on "let's see" or "let's try"? It's like gambling and we're sitting at a poker table drawing different hands. We may win or lose depending on the cards we draw and are dealt. I seriously want out of the game.

[Mountainbard]

Gemma-- you might ask your pdoc if they do pharmaco-genetic testing, and if they don't or if they blow it off, find someone who does. It's a way of identifying what meds you're sensitive to and what ones might work well for you, and it takes the "roulette" out of the whole meds issue. The link below has more-- epecially pay attention to cloudyn's post.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/bipol...c-testing.html

[GemmaTeller]

Originally Posted by Mountainbard

Gemma-- you might ask your pdoc if they do pharmaco-genetic testing, and if they don't or if they blow it off, find someone who does. It's a way of identifying what meds you're sensitive to and what ones might work well for you, and it takes the "roulette" out of the whole meds issue. The link below has more-- epecially pay attention to cloudyn's post.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/bipol...c-testing.html

This sounds interesting but doubt it is something does out of her practice. I have to have blood tests ordered trough my PCP. I am also pretty sure my HMO would't cover this. I wonder how much it would cost out-of-pocket?

[xxblackrosesxx]

I feel the same really. I'm also feeling like an experiment but I know it won't last forever. Please don't stop your meds as you'll be asking for trouble and it can either led to full blown mania or depression.