[Azvixxen]

I feel like I am not coping very well lately. I spent three months on medical leave from work and fully thought I was ready to come back to work. However I walked into an even more stressful situation than when I left - business is down and layoffs are pending. I don't have enough to do to keep me occupied throughout my day and am constantly feeling like I am on the verge of a panic attack - the anxiety never eases.

On top of all this, I am not sure that my pdoc listens or even cares what is wrong or bothering me. He just kind of smiles and nods and doesn't really say or do anything other than talk about what meds there are and tell me I can't take xyz because it causes weight gain and I don't need any more problems with that. Then during my last visit he tried to sell me some natural supplement that he gets a cut of the profits on AFTER I had just finished telling him that I have to go back to work because my husband has been unemployed the last 6 months and we really need the other 40% of my income that is lost while I am on short term disability.

I understand a pdoc is for meds, and that is his job, but he never mentioned seeing a therapist and honestly he didn't diagnose me - I told him that after dealing with my daughter have BPD I recognize that I have had the same symptoms my entire life, ran through a 10 second history and he said "yep, you're textbook type I". In reading more, I have other issues as well, but when I try to bring that up he tells me "let's just fix one thing at a time". ARRGHHH!!!

Then he tells me I am at a "therapeutic dosage" of my meds, yet I see others that are taking more than he gives me, besides if it's NOT working, how is it THERAPUTIC?!?!

So yes, I get that I need to find a new pdoc. and I guess some kind of therapist who can listen to me rant. And it is quite possible that I need to be on a medical leave again because the meds I am on are not stopping me from cycling and I am very afraid of losing the job I have - especially since we are downsizing!

In summation, I just feel like the world is coming down on me - my anxiety makes me want to stop breathing, I am fantasizing about suicide (no worries, I am a chicken when it comes down to it, but boy can I plan it out like a pro) and my moods are up one second, down for 10.

Just needed to vent. Thanks for listening.

[Mountainbard]

I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. I've been out of work 3 years because of bipolar, and my wife was put on medical leave this semester because of her depression. The financial uncertainty has both of us dealing with a lot of anxiety.

The biggest thing I can say about your pdoc situation is to remind you that they work for us. Sounds like maybe you need to fire this guy. And when you can I think it would be a great idea for you to find a therapist. It's important to get the talking side of treatment as well as the meds. Anyway be gentle with yourself, and best of luck.

[Shadesofdark]

I think you know exactly what the situation is, that a new pdoc might be in order. The only thing I have to add is that if you chose to go this route, a lot of pdoc's, especially good ones are booked 1-3 months in advance, as a new patient you might have to wait 2 or 3 for an appointment. So, unless you want to have a problem with getting your meds filled, don't 'fire' the old one till you are hooked up with a new one that you think you will like.

Therapists are a great way to vent, and of course, PC forums are as well. Good luck.

[vjdragonfly]

Sorry you are going through so much. If possible I would definitely seek out another pdoc and I agree with Moutainbard, a therapist helps greatly. I feel like everything is imploding too, only I lost my job when the company was shut down. It has been a downhill spiral ever since. Hopefully your job is more secure then you think, stress only makes things worse. Hope things get better for you real soon.

[WibblyWobbly]

I'm sorry you are so anxious. I know what it's like to wait on edge to find out who's getting laid off. It might help you to get some Ativan or klonopin that you can take during the day to make work more bearable.

I would suggest avoiding medical leave it at all possible. In my experience if someone is on medical leave at the time of layoffs they usually come back to find they don't have a job because 1) the company doesn't want to keep employees who are getting paid but absent and 2) the employee is considered nonessential because the work is being handled in their absence. I hope that doesn't stress you out more but I know you don't want to lose your job. Hang in there

[hopeless2015]

Hugs to you, I'm in the same boat, not coping well right now and its hard to take one thing at a time..I just want to be well

Sent from my XT1058 using Tapatalk

[Azvixxen]

Thanks for all the support - looks like a new pdoc and a therapist are in order - but I will be sure to keep the current one until I find a new one and can actually make sure they are able to help.

Thanks again.

Originally Posted by hopeless2015

Hugs to you, I'm in the same boat, not coping well right now and its hard to take one thing at a time..I just want to be well

Sent from my XT1058 using Tapatalk

Layoffs seem to be the thing right now. My company has had 2 rounds of them. I am still working, for now anyway.

Hopeless said it right , I just want to be well........,....

Sent from my XT1058 using Tapatalk

[Pierro]

The stress of dealing with MH issues are enough for anyone, but, as always money is always an issue. I hope you see a new Pdoc soon and get some stability in your life..