Some sort of duality.

I cycle often. I wake up with a running start, hand-in-hand with mania, straight into the iron wall that is depression. My polarity in mood is matched with my polarity in thought. Republican. Democrat. Humanitarian. Cynic Conservative.
I cannot keep up with what I say or feel. My views and positions on the issues of the world shuffle around with my mood. Today I love what I hate, and tomorrow I'll hate what I loved the day before. My manic ramblings do not stick in memory. My doldrumatic mumblings in depression glance off my mind.

People notice this. Conversations I cannot remember, ideas I don't remember having. For lack of a better term, I flip-flop. A natural hypocrisy.

My North and South are always in competition. Where are my "good" periods? Where can I go for neutrality? A log, perhaps. Attempt to define myself. I've tried it before...

Am I a humanitarian? Or am I obsessed with self-preservation?
How can I expect to share my opinions when my views can turn on a dime instantaneously? How can I expect to maintain healthy friendships when I cannot provide consistency?

I write this today in hopes of finding solidarity with you. I can't be the only one, I know it. This is not an issue I can cope with through strange therapies or medicines. My solace will come from knowing I'm not alone in this regard. I need to know there are others out there that live like this and thrive.

Thanks for reading, pals.

I do not cycle as rapidly as you describe.

However, the rest of your post fits me to a tee. I have spent years trying to figure what I truly believe and think about multiple things. Who/what is the 'real' me?

The ONLY constant in my life is my intense, unconditional love for my children and grandchildren. Everything else is wishy-washy, flip-floppy....that natural hypocrisy you describe.

You are not alone. And, while I haven't always thrived.....I continue to survive....and when the rubber meets the road, I can even sometimes take a stand and stand there.

Tanto - you may have just described my life. I feel like someone who lies and can't keep track of their stories, but the thing is that when I say something - in that moment it is the truth and I mean it whole heartedly. Then another day, or even a few hours later it has changed.

I consider myself an honest person. But my ideas change quickly. I'm easily swayed because I want to please others, or I am stubborn because I cannot change my opinion to make you happy.

I feel like a contradiction in motion. All the while screaming "Trust Me". But I don't trust me - not for a minute.

Wow this is really good insight. I always felt like I had trouble defining myself and my beliefs as I couldnt stick with one view or another but like previous poster said when youre in the moment thats what you really believe or feel. I am easily swayed as well just because I can see points on either side of the coin and which side I choose depends on the mood I am in. I have more recently been able to take hold of genuine consistent beliefs but it has def been a struggle.

Just wanted to add that before I thought that this kind of thing was a trait of borderline personality disorder..which was one of the reasons why I self diagnosed myself with it.

Thanks for the support ya'll fortunately I don't have BPD. I've just associated my views with euphoric highs and crippling lows. I feel fantastic right now I want to break things and put them back together I want to find some bugs