[wiretwister]

I used to think I could and had controlled and run my life successfully. .. Well now I am sure I can not.

Though she never said anything my mother would “ rework” any craft , project or school assignment we kids would do … case in point, after creating a static bug display for school, then going to bed pleased with it … only to find in the morning it had been completely reworked because it was not good enough ….fun times for an 8 year old … to this day nothing I do is “good enough” … I can never please that parent in my head … over many things I have just given up trying … I know others can do it better … so I feel to inadequate so I don't try …

Several times now I have started to feel better, maybe even close to happy and then I do something stupid … as this time … and all my success crumbles like a house of cards … what little understanding of myself I have does not help me at all … it seems I am hell bent on destroying any good that ever comes into my life … I don't drink or cut but I hurt myself just as badly …

You know my problem with the bp dx , but I am so screwed up with out it would only make sense It's in the mix also …

My concern is not for myself …. I will survive … dumb clucks like me always do … while the worthy don't … my concern is for the ones I have hurt either by commission or omission …. it seems every time I open my mouth something wrong comes out … what I need to do is go away and never come back … but I am not that brave …. the scared little boy in me is afraid to be alone …

So the only option I am “man” enough to do …. is beg forgiveness from any I have wronged in any way … ask for your understanding because I am a very imperfect man … and ask that I can stay … I will try to be less intrusive ….

I don't do this stuff very well but I really am trying …. a very sad Tigger …



please no replies ...

[~Christina]

Try this .. For one whole day.... 24 hours refuse to think anything Negative about yourself.. If you start to STOP ! ie: I am a burden... Oh NO I am not I have wonderful kids, I brought them into this world... etc etc.

Seriously you are spending so much time ruminating that its no wonder you can get your feet under yourself.

We all ***** up , stumble, fall down, face first in a mud hole. That is life, Live your life, Focus on the good stuff and please dont tell me you dont have good stuff.. you do .. You have a family, a home, a job . You go camping, You see the stars , You come here on PC and even feeling terrible about yourself you are here to offer others support... If you can offer support to others you can also do the same for yourself.

Whats that Nike commercial ? Oh yeah .... Just do it.

Wiretwister, go hug your wife. Know what I mean?

[LettinG0]

awww.....wire.......I hate that you beat yourself up so badly all the time....

Try to be a little kinder to yourself......if you messed up, admit it, ask forgiveness if you need to BUT then let it go and move forward....at least a tiny step..

Massive Hugs......

[Ripose]

My concern is not for myself …. I will survive … dumb clucks like me always do … while the worthy don't … my concern is for the ones I have hurt either by commission or omission …. it seems every time I open my mouth something wrong comes out … what I need to do is go away and never come back … but I am not that brave …. the scared little boy in me is afraid to be alone …

This whole statement describes me very well, so well in fact that I can identify deeply with you. I guess for me it is the reason I don't post more often, I am not as brave as you.

I just want you to know that I understand completely and you are not alone!