[ColeM1100]

How do I deal with big a few big decisions?? Ones that involve your whole life, heart and soul, your future?
Like contemplating divorce?

[Victoria'smom]

I have to have 6 months of feeling the same way before acting on it. BIG things go through my therapist, husband and/or family. Are you seeing a therapist?

[ColeM1100]

I'm not currently seeing a therapist, I cannot afford her sadly. I've tried to talk about this to family but that had not helped to allow me to decide, and my husband is part of the problem

[Victoria'smom]

Why do you want a divorce? Could you get a cheaper therapist? What about a marriage therapist? How long have you felt this way?

[WibblyWobbly]

It's time for divorce once you realize you've been having the same arguments for years, you're miserable, you don't feel respected, you resent each other, you're miserable. I think it also helps to do a trial separation. Go stay with family for a few months and see if you guys end up feeling refreshed or relieved. A break can make it clear whether you're happier with or without each other.

[ColeM1100]

I honestly don't want a divorce but my husband wants kids and I don't, I'm 43 years old
In case you wanted to know, we've been married 17 years and I love my husband I'd be lost without him, really lost, but does that mean he shouldn't be allowed to have kids with someone who he can have his own kids with? We cannot have kids the regular way with me anyways we need to have a surrogate or adopt. So I'm trying to ask how on earth to make these kinds of big decisions

[Victoria'smom]

This isn't your choice. He has to choose whether he wants to leave to have children or not. Don't choose for him that's unfair.

[Nammu]

Being in your 40's is really late to be raising a baby. I couldn't imagine being in that position. But I'm curious, if you can't afford therapy why would hubby think he can afford a kid? I understand the desire, the I want to father a kid thing, but is he going to raise the child or just be a biological donor?

[ColeM1100]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

This isn't your choice. He has to choose whether he wants to leave to have children or not. Don't choose for him that's unfair.

Of course not, I cannot choose for him; I can't even figure out what to do myself

[ColeM1100]

Originally Posted by sidestepper

Being in your 40's is really late to be raising a baby. I couldn't imagine being in that position. But I'm curious, if you can't afford therapy why would hubby think he can afford a kid? I understand the desire, the I want to father a kid thing, but is he going to raise the child or just be a biological donor?

I can't afford therapy at the moment, that will soon change and our financial situation will also be changing significantly this winter to allow us to actually have a kid if we both want that

[tipper1492]

Google Search reveals 90% of Bipolar marriages end in divorce. So called general public is something like 50%. In the Bipolar marriages, doesn't matter if one or both have bipolar. Therefore a psychologist is needed to have a chance, in my opinion, when things get rocky.

[WibblyWobbly]

You guys are obviously doing something right to have been together for 17 years. That's a long time to be together and not be on the same page about having kids. I went through this in my last relationship (12 years) and after much heartache I decided I would rather have him than have kids. I didn't want to end up in a situation where he resented his life and I essentially ended up raising a kid who felt unloved by one parent. It's so hard, but if you've already said no he's the one who's going to have to decide which one he feels like he can't live without, you or a baby.

[ColeM1100]

Originally Posted by WibblyWobbly

You guys are obviously doing something right to have been together for 17 years. That's a long time to be together and not be on the same page about having kids. I went through this in my last relationship (12 years) and after much heartache I decided I would rather have him than have kids. I didn't want to end up in a situation where he resented his life and I essentially ended up raising a kid who felt unloved by one parent. It's so hard, but if you've already said no he's the one who's going to have to decide which one he feels like he can't live without, you or a baby.

Hey
I wanted to clarify I really honestly used to want kids, for many years but my feelings changed.
Thanks for the replies

[ColeM1100]

Originally Posted by WibblyWobbly

You guys are obviously doing something right to have been together for 17 years. That's a long time to be together and not be on the same page about having kids. I went through this in my last relationship (12 years) and after much heartache I decided I would rather have him than have kids. I didn't want to end up in a situation where he resented his life and I essentially ended up raising a kid who felt unloved by one parent. It's so hard, but if you've already said no he's the one who's going to have to decide which one he feels like he can't live without, you or a baby.

Originally Posted by tipper1492

Google Search reveals 90% of Bipolar marriages end in divorce. So called general public is something like 50%. In the Bipolar marriages, doesn't matter if one or both have bipolar. Therefore a psychologist is needed to have a chance, in my opinion, when things get rocky.

Thanks....

[spring2014]

hi cole ,
talk to your therapist about it . pray on it if its the right decision for you.








Diagnosis: Anxiety and depression
meds: Cymbalta 90mgs at night
meds : Cymbalta 90mgs at night
Vistrail 2 25 mgs daily for anxiety prn
50 mgs at night for insomnia