[Pastel Kitten]

I have a doctor's appointment (just a physical checkup) later this morning, and I'm going to ask her if she can refer me to a psychiatrist. I'm becoming progressively afraid of the possible bipolar diagnosis. Part of me wants to "turn back now" and leave it as it is..call it "depression" and continue struggling as I have..but I don't want to get worse, either. During the times I feel happy, I feel I've just "willed it all away" and got better through sheer determination..but it never prevents the inevitable crash back down into hopeless depression. It's prevented me from functioning normally for so many years. I make videos on youtube, and I'm fairly popular (I don't want to give away my username as I'd like to keep these two identities separate). People will ask me why I haven't uploaded in a while, and I can't just say "sorry, I was too busy trying to convince myself life has a purpose again" when I was perfectly fine just even the week before. People ask why I don't draw much...well, my motivation is as inconsistent as my mood. Of course those two things are some of the least of my worries..but affected by my emotional roller coaster nonetheless. This turned into a slight rant, but I guess now that I'm finally going to a doctor, I've been getting very anxious. But don't get me wrong...I really do want and need help. I won't be matched with a psychiatrist right away, but this is one step closer to it.

[gayleggg]

I encourage you to go ahead and request a psychiatrist. It's a step toward getting better. Don't be worried about the diagnosis you get. Only concentrate on what will make you feel better.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[jacky8807]

I definitely think seeing a pdoc is the only way to go for mental health issues. I hope you find a good one but advocate for yourself always!
The label ....well.....I have it all over my records and I can't say that is actually helpful. Getting the right meds are one thing but having bipolar all over the history is another
Wishing you good luck!

[Pastel Kitten]

Thank you guys. I guess what really frightens me is the simple realization that it's probably been more than ADHD, depression, and anxiety this whole time. My fear is that it will be more difficult to treat in the long run..but I'm staying hopeful. No matter what the diagnosis itself is, I'm focused on getting better for sure. I just know that my treatment for ADHD and depression (ritalin + fluoxetine) did not help me - in fact they made things a lot worse. Hoping my new pdoc will come up with better treatment for me.

[WibblyWobbly]

It feels scary to get diagnosed, but if you have bipolar, you've already been living with it for quite awhile. The label doesn't change your symptoms. It provides a way for your treatment team to make sure you're on the right meds and not on any that make you worse. Getting a pdoc is a step towards getting better.

[CuriouslyCrazy]

I know exactly how you feel Pastel Kitten. I tried for a long time to call it depression or anxiety and leave things are they were. I was recently diagnosed and even now that I have the label, I am still struggling to accept it. However, regardless of the label, it's the treatment of the symptoms that is most important! I wish you the best!

[Pastel Kitten]

Originally Posted by WibblyWobbly

It feels scary to get diagnosed, but if you have bipolar, you've already been living with it for quite awhile. The label doesn't change your symptoms. It provides a way for your treatment team to make sure you're on the right meds and not on any that make you worse. Getting a pdoc is a step towards getting better.

This is very true, and I've been reassuring myself with that. I'm afraid of the side effects of meds..and afraid of the possibility of being on them all my life but I would much rather that than continuing like this

[Pastel Kitten]

I just got back from the doctor's appointment. She was a new doctor, so I told her what has been bothering me and she immediately assumed bipolar. She asked if I had a history of bipolar in my family or similar disorders. I definitely think my mom is either bipolar or borderline, and her mother most likely had a mood disorder as well (never met her, just heard stories). In the end, she wrote me a referral to a psychiatrist so that I can get evaluated. Gotta find one that takes my insurance. I'm one step closer to getting better.

[Running-on-Rainbows]

Originally Posted by Pastel Kitten

I just got back from the doctor's appointment. She was a new doctor, so I told her what has been bothering me and she immediately assumed bipolar. She asked if I had a history of bipolar in my family or similar disorders. I definitely think my mom is either bipolar or borderline, and her mother most likely had a mood disorder as well (never met her, just heard stories). In the end, she wrote me a referral to a psychiatrist so that I can get evaluated. Gotta find one that takes my insurance. I'm one step closer to getting better.

I'm glad you're closer to obtaining the help you need. Good luck with finding a psychiatrist.

[Unrigged64072835]

Hope your search for a pdoc goes smoothly!

[Pastel Kitten]

Thank you everyone. I've finally gotten myself an appointment with a pdoc for next month. I was hoping for something sooner, but that was the soonest I could get, given the fact my insurance is extremely obscure to most clinics in my area. My only fear is that they will try to convince me that they don't take my insurance (went through SO many phone calls about this already ) when I get there, even though they claim to be in-network on their site. Either way, I feel relieved to know that something has been confirmed at last.