[Wanderlust90]

I feel so disillusioned with the whole world. For every "problem" solved, with great difficulty on my behalf, another 2 are created. We have been set up to fail in life. The world is ****ed, filled with mindless assholes. I will never be happy like I was when I was younger. Adulthood is the worst thing that has ever happened ever. I hate that other people inflict their expectations & morals on me & that I even care about what they think. I'm torn between being an opportunistic ***** with no morals that will take whatever she can get regardless of harm caused to being a sweetheart that has compassion & understanding. I feel like 2 different people & it's tearing me apart. No amount of alcohol or valium is making it all go away & I just want to pick up the sweet puff again & self destruct. I want to sell my house leave my partner alone & abandon ship to Europe. Where I will sleep with everyone, spend all my money partying & end it all for good when the money is gone. I don't see the point of trying to make a life for myself. I have no threshold for suffering. I can't stand the suffering. Medications don't work much, talking makes it worse & makes my head spin. I just want to sleep forever.

[Wanderlust90]

I'm going to stop taking lithium tomorrow in the hope I become hypomanic, at least I will have a sense of purpose.

[raspberrytorte]

Being an adult is pretty stressful. Not to be negative, but it just gets worse the older you get because reality sets in more and more and it becomes even more apparent that the dreams you have are completely impossible and you're just stuck working and parenting and your life consists of doing a whole lot of things you don't want to do and having no time for yourself and you're always stressed out about money. It's really pretty lousy.

So yeah. Sucky. I agree.

[raspberrytorte]

Oh, are you sure you want to just stop your lithium? Maybe taper? I forgot to take my seroquel last night because I fell asleep and feel worse now today than I felt yesterday because now I'm having some withdrawal.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I got really sick even tapering my lithium

[Wanderlust90]

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87

I got really sick even tapering my lithium

I haven't done it yet but I feel like on such a low dose & levels hanging around 0.5 that it might not do too much damage. I'm so sick of feeling like the world is not worth being in, but I'm not "depressed" or "sad" as such. I'm not sure if it's actually the fluoxetine? It really helped me for a while, stopped me from doing something I can't take back, but now I just feel blah. I want that exuberance.