[Standup2me]

My Mum has cancer and is finding that her house is too much for her and is looking for an apartment...well she says that she is looking
She can't walk very well, and finds it hard to get groceries in (but Mum there are delivery services)
I live thousands of kilometres away from her, and I get the guilt trip...well she tries, I don't fall into the trap, been there done that, I am too old and too wise to fall for it again

Does anyone have similar stories that they can share?
Can you share your coping tricks?

[jacky8807]

Sorry your mom is sick. It is so hard when a family member gets that type of diagnosis
Sending healing though to both of you!

[Squaw]

I can honestly say that I would have to spend my time with my mother as much as possible, especially if she is ill enough to die soon..maybe things will change for the better for you both, so that things can work out..I'm sorry to hear your mother is sick...

[WibblyWobbly]

I'm sorry that your mom is sick. Maybe you can make one trip out there and spend a weekend looking for apartments and getting her set up with a grocery delivery service?

[*Laurie*]

My mom died 10 years ago. During the final year of her life I really neglected our relationship. My mom was far from perfect, but WOW would I give a lot to have that last year back, I miss her so, so much at this point in my life, when I am an empty-nester and so alone.

[cakeladie]

My dad died last year. He kept his illness from us until it was to late. I spent everyday with him till the end. It was a gift. We laughed, we cried and we talked. Spend has much time has you can with her it's a gift.

My mother keeps telling me she has a place in line for a senior home that has a medical unit. She does it to make me feel guilty. She wants me to say she can live with me. My mom is 75 and owns a family business and is still working.

I would never in a million years let her move in with me. We would kill each other within a week.

[Cocosurviving]

I hate that ur in this position. My mom has done a lot for me and dice versa. But I've decided to put up boundaries. I'm talk to her on the phone but I do not want to be around her. She triggers me and I can't have that. Mom tried to get me to at least stop by for thanksgiving (I don't celebrate holidays) for a few minutes. I told her no I was going out to eat. With that said I would agree with Wibbly Wobby. I would do just that little bit bc she was sick then leave.

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[DechanDawa]

When my older and only sister was ill she triggered me a lot. I wish I had set firmer boundaries, as Cocosurviving points out. It's healthy. I could still have frequently talked with my sister, but she got away with a lot of abusive stuff because of her illness --- guilt tripping, and all the other manipulative stuff. Just because people are ill or dying doesn't mean they have a positive personality change. I hope wherever my sister is, she approves of this post. (See, she still guilt trips me from the Beyond! Haha.) I think the best advice when someone close to you is very ill, is you need to take extra special care of yourself, because the situation is a real energy zapper.

[Pikku Myy]

Big, big hugs to you

[Pastel Kitten]

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom's sickness. I do hope you find some peace through this tough time. Many hugs and best of wishes.

[Unrigged64072835]

So sorry to hear about your mother's illness. I wasn't near my folks because of trauma and physical separation, but I did manage to spend a couple of days with my mom before she died. The rest of the family was enough to remind me why I left to begin with. I don't think I could've done it better though.

[Standup2me]

Originally Posted by DechanDawa

When my older and only sister was ill she triggered me a lot. I wish I had set firmer boundaries, as Cocosurviving points out. It's healthy. I could still have frequently talked with my sister, but she got away with a lot of abusive stuff because of her illness --- guilt tripping, and all the other manipulative stuff. Just because people are ill or dying doesn't mean they have a positive personality change. I hope wherever my sister is, she approves of this post. (See, she still guilt trips me from the Beyond! Haha.) I think the best advice when someone close to you is very ill, is you need to take extra special care of yourself, because the situation is a real energy zapper.

This is true, and you saying it really hit home. We are both still the same people.
Years and years go by and she would not let me visit, and now I should give up my life to be there? Not fair.

Family relationships can be so complicated, wishing you the best as you navigate your roles and responsibilities with your mother!

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by Standup2me

This is true, and you saying it really hit home. We are both still the same people.
Years and years go by and she would not let me visit, and now I should give up my life to be there? Not fair.

Same here. I was "allowed" to visit after a 10 year distancing. I actually didn't want to do the visit - a big "to do" with all the other siblings and their spouses involved - everyone having to travel from all around the country. I insisted I didn't have the money for a place ticket, which I didn't, and then two siblings chipped in and bought my ticket. Wouldn't this all have been lovely if it had been done before the oldest sibling was dying??? It was a difficult visit simply because it was so lovely and sweet to see everyone. Too little, too late. Everyone was stressed and drank too much wine except my sister and myself. We didn't drink. She looked awful. I wish we had spent time together before she was dying, but this was how she chose to do it. I'm still working through trauma from that period of time and it has been 18 months. Needless to say since then I have been doing a lot of work on keeping healthy boundaries, in every day life. So that was my sister's legacy to me.

I just wanted to give everyone a hug. It is hard to distance ourselves, I know.