[ktrg149]

Warning: this may be a bit long, I'm unsure right now, but I'm grateful for any input.... I just need a helping hand right now.
I'm a 20 year old female, I used to attend college but dropped out due to low grades. I had never suffered from anxiety, and my first full blown anxiety attack was my freshman year of college (in oct of 2013). I went to the hospital and nobody spoke a word to me about anxiety. My life continued on, I did poorly in school that year and ended up dropping out. i was hospitalized two more times that year, and the second time I was told "have you been checked out for panic?" I hadn't put a thought into it, but I did. I sought out a conselor at my school, I lived with my uncle for a semester and came back to school. I did much better but still ultimately got kicked out for not doing well. I stayed up at school this time, got an apt. And started going to a "mental hospital" that would see me without insurance. Very well known one in my area. I had been hospitalized, and admitted for four days not too long before I first went to see my psych. I was showering, had bad anxiety, and passed out and my roommate found me. I started seeing my psych and was prescribed 0.5mg of Ativan and 10mg of celexa, soon after (about a month or two) we upped the celexa to 20mg where I have been for about a month now, and have continued on the Ativan once a day the entire time. Here's where my issue is.
I don't know what is going on with me, but it's more then panic. I feel my life literally spiraling out of control. I have court in the morning for an assault charge from months ago; I left my job, I'm not in school there's a lot. But most importantly I feel as if I'm literally going crazy and losing my mind. Reality seems so foreign for me, I feel so dissociated from the world around me; and I don't know what to do. I'm not suicidal, at least not most of the time but I know there is more to this then depression and panic. My panic attacks have drastically decreased but I feel so detached from reality.
My questions are I guess I want to talk to my psych about if this is a possibility, I want to work to get my life back on track. I really do, I want my friends my family my school my life back. I am desperate. When did you know you were bipolar, I guess what were your symptoms how could you describe them? what has worked for you, what hasn't? Do you feel you can live a relatively normal or more normal life on Meds than you did before? I have so many questions and not enough answers....
I thought this could've been sczhiophrenia but I don't have hallucinations, occasionally delusional but my biggest weakness is struggling with reality... Words can't describe it. Can you? What's a good way to bring this up to my psych?

[Victoria'smom]

It's called derealization. You've haven't said anything about mania. therapy is a good start. They can help you put words to your feelings. I'm not living a traditional view of a successful life. I am on ssi, have a family, can't work and a good relationship with extended family. I still have symptoms but they're less severe. The most important thing to do is get a psychiatrist that will work with your therapist and read their notes.

[alincdytyourmeds]

Just tell the psychiatrist all your symptoms and let him do the diagnosing. But definitively see a therapist. They can give you coping skills to deal with reality. For me it's the combination of meds and therapy that help me lead a "normal" life, I mean family job etc.

[Nammu]

Agree with the above. Sometimes it takes a while to get a Dx, just tell them the symptoms and keep at it, don't give up.

[Unrigged64072835]

Definitely talk to your psychiatrist and get a therapist if you can. They will help sort out what you're feeling and give you the proper treatment. I wish you the best of luck and hope you start feeling better soon.

[firewater83]

Originally Posted by ktrg149

Warning: this may be a bit long, I'm unsure right now, but I'm grateful for any input.... I just need a helping hand right now.
I'm a 20 year old female, I used to attend college but dropped out due to low grades. I had never suffered from anxiety, and my first full blown anxiety attack was my freshman year of college (in oct of 2013). I went to the hospital and nobody spoke a word to me about anxiety. My life continued on, I did poorly in school that year and ended up dropping out. i was hospitalized two more times that year, and the second time I was told "have you been checked out for panic?" I hadn't put a thought into it, but I did. I sought out a conselor at my school, I lived with my uncle for a semester and came back to school. I did much better but still ultimately got kicked out for not doing well. I stayed up at school this time, got an apt. And started going to a "mental hospital" that would see me without insurance. Very well known one in my area. I had been hospitalized, and admitted for four days not too long before I first went to see my psych. I was showering, had bad anxiety, and passed out and my roommate found me. I started seeing my psych and was prescribed 0.5mg of Ativan and 10mg of celexa, soon after (about a month or two) we upped the celexa to 20mg where I have been for about a month now, and have continued on the Ativan once a day the entire time. Here's where my issue is.
I don't know what is going on with me, but it's more then panic. I feel my life literally spiraling out of control. I have court in the morning for an assault charge from months ago; I left my job, I'm not in school there's a lot. But most importantly I feel as if I'm literally going crazy and losing my mind. Reality seems so foreign for me, I feel so dissociated from the world around me; and I don't know what to do. I'm not suicidal, at least not most of the time but I know there is more to this then depression and panic. My panic attacks have drastically decreased but I feel so detached from reality.
My questions are I guess I want to talk to my psych about if this is a possibility, I want to work to get my life back on track. I really do, I want my friends my family my school my life back. I am desperate. When did you know you were bipolar, I guess what were your symptoms how could you describe them? what has worked for you, what hasn't? Do you feel you can live a relatively normal or more normal life on Meds than you did before? I have so many questions and not enough answers....
I thought this could've been sczhiophrenia but I don't have hallucinations, occasionally delusional but my biggest weakness is struggling with reality... Words can't describe it. Can you? What's a good way to bring this up to my psych?

When I was first diagnosed I was having bad anxiety, aggitation, anger at people that turned to rage and delusional thinking.
I thought I could control the weather by doing some magic ritual. Thought I could control people's thoughts. Had a hard time going out in public because of someone looked at me wrong, walked too slow or talked to me wrong I would flip out.
It's an interesting disorder and most of my friends and family don't understand it. Sometimes there are no words to describe to your pdoc exactly how you feel.

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