[CopperStar]

I'm not sure what this is from or related to, might not even have anything to do with BP, but I'm most attached to this forum, so I figure I'll do my worry-vent here.

The number one reason I quit my medication several weeks ago was because after I started taking it, I noticed significant cognitive decline, which both disturbed me and also made me extremely doubtful that I could hold down a job in such a state. The most upsetting moment was what I couldn't remember how old I was, and then I couldn't do the math in terms of years in my head to try to figure it out.

About a week after I quit taking the Symbyax, it seemed like my memory and focus were improving, so I felt convinced and determined as far as trying to make it med-free, at least for a while, because I so desperately want to hold down this job at least long enough to get a gaming computer and a car.

However, recently I've been struggling with depression and anxiety symptoms, but nothing so severe that I can't work, it just sucks. And now very recently I've started to have memory/focus problems again, in combination with depression symptoms.

I worked for 5 hours this morning, cashiering, and while still at home, the whole time I was getting ready I kept losing my train of thought. When I finally got to work, I could hardly think. Things that have become automatic for me by this point were just beyond me.

For example, there is a wall of cigarettes behind us cashiers. I know where all the types of cigarettes are by now. But when people started asking for their cigarettes, I couldn't find anything. I couldn't find things that were right in front of me. I couldn't think. I would hear, "L&M Blue One-Hundreds" but it wouldn't register in my brain. I'd repeat it out-loud to myself, but it was like it was just sounds with no thought or meaning. I would stare at the wall of cigarettes but it was like I wasn't actually seeing anything, only with my eyeballs but not with my brain. I knew that I knew where the cigarettes were, and yet I didn't know, couldn't find them. At one point I felt so disoriented and panicked that I started crying (luckily not severe boo-hoo crying, just teary-eyed and choked up). I felt totally overwhelmed.

There were other things throughout the shift. Like I wrote down my schedule for the next 7 days, I remember writing it down and having the piece of paper in my hand. But I have no idea what I did with it. I got home and couldn't find it in any of my pockets. I have no memory whatsoever of what I did with that piece of paper, and I can't remember the days/hours that I was supposed to work. So now I have to call the store and ask someone to read my schedule to me, I wrote that down on a notepad by the coffee machine because I'll probably forget to do that, too.

My cash drawer on my register also came up short yet again today. I have no idea how it's possible. Nobody else was on my drawer, I counted everything, I fan out the bills and say their value out-loud when giving change to customers. Ritualistically it's always, "Your total is ____," "Okay, out of ____," "Your change is $14, here is 2 fives and 4 singles." Etc. I must be screwing up somewhere that I can't even remember.

This week in general I have forgotten so many things. Forgot to schedule my depo provera injection so I almost missed the deadline, and this was even after writing myself a note to schedule it. Forgot to take the trash out on trash pickup day, so now the outside trash container is overflowing from almost two weeks' worth of garbage from everyone. The days I didn't work were like a weird, dazed dream. I didn't shower, didn't eat much (that I can remember) and it was like it all just flew by without much content.

Feel like I am losing my marbles a bit here. So it's also making me wonder if the memory issues on the medication were actually depression symptoms, since I know that I had started Prozac with the Zyprexa due to depression symptoms. Maybe it just wasn't working and the depression was getting worse.

Do any of you struggle with memory/focus during depression?

[BastetsMuse]

Yes of course depression causes memory problems. Are you sure being med free is worth all of this?

[CopperStar]

Originally Posted by BastetsMuse

Yes of course depression causes memory problems. Are you sure being med free is worth all of this?

I feel pretty torn and in vapor lock about it currently. I had cognitive problems on medication, and now I am having cognitive problems without medication. I feel like I don't really know what to do. This recent psychiatrist I was seeing only wanted me on an antipsychotic (basically I got to choose between Abilify, Zyprexa and Seroquel) and was willing to toss in an AD. I had such terrible brain fog and poor memory. But now those issues are coming back. I haven't had this sort of issue before in previous years. Mood episode symptoms, even psychosis, sure, but I never felt like I was in the beginning stage of Alzheimer's.

[jacky8807]

First...just in case....I would schedule a pcp visit to make sure there is nothing seriously physical Goin on

Otherwise...when I'm in a mood episode this happens
Also I just have noticed a general cog decline as time goes on. I think it's fairly common in bipolar from what I read. But yours sounds like it go pretty bad pretty quick so yeah I would check in with pcp and move from there.my dad is seeing a neuropsychiatrist...they check for any neurological problems and psych

[CopperStar]

Originally Posted by jacky8807

First...just in case....I would schedule a pcp visit to make sure there is nothing seriously physical Goin on

Otherwise...when I'm in a mood episode this happens
Also I just have noticed a general cog decline as time goes on. I think it's fairly common in bipolar from what I read. But yours sounds like it go pretty bad pretty quick so yeah I would check in with pcp and move from there.my dad is seeing a neuropsychiatrist...they check for any neurological problems and psych

Thank you for the advice. I would consider it, but my physician would probably brush me off. Couldn't hurt to try, I guess, but I've already been through quite a bit under her care and she attributes pretty much everything to me just being crazy. She was even my PCP during a 5-ish month period where I had a therapist who was convinced I had DID. Should have never mentioned that to my doctor as she just gave me the most freaked-out, bewildered look and brushed off everything I said. She thought I had schizophrenia. Then it was back to the bipolar diagnosis. Such a basket case.

[Unrigged64072835]

Have a doc check your B vitamin levels. They can cause cognitive deficits with or without psych meds. I was on B vitamins when I was on Lamictal because I would get fuzzy thinking like that. I'm getting them checked next month just to make sure I'm getting enough.

Depression can also aggravate memory and focus as well.

[cashart10]

I have experienced cognitive decline. In fact, there are chunks of time from when I was a teenager that I can never recollect. My mom will say "do you remember when...?" I will have no clue even if it was a big event. For this, however, I blame Zyprexa.

Currently, I am the jester to most of my family, in part due to my memory issues. I have no idea what causes them. I also have been in numerous (small) accidents in the last year and sometimes say things that aren't even coherent.

I have also read that cognitive decline is common in both depression and especially bipolar disorder. It is scary and sad. Perhaps working crossword puzzles, playing scrabble frequently, and finding challenging games for your mind can help with this? Maybe it can help in the present and in the future. Good luck to you; I hope it gets easier.

[LettinG0]

Hey Copper....

So sorry you are struggling with this issue.

I don't have any grand advice.....I know meds can cause cognitive issues....and when I am depressed I can't think clearly about anything period.

I hope you find the solution you are looking for. For me, being on medication is worth all of the side effects....

[CopperStar]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

Have a doc check your B vitamin levels. They can cause cognitive deficits with or without psych meds. I was on B vitamins when I was on Lamictal because I would get fuzzy thinking like that. I'm getting them checked next month just to make sure I'm getting enough.

Depression can also aggravate memory and focus as well.

That is a good point that I hadn't considered. It is true that my diet has been rather poor since I started working, though I am not sure how long it really takes for a deficiency. My diet was so-so I guess prior to getting the job, but has been pretty poor since, now that I think about it. I don't eat breakfast because I will throw it up if I do. At work I might have a cheap junk food snack from the store if my blood sugar gets low. When I get home from work I don't eat because I am stressed. In the evening I have whatever my mother and her husband decide to have, which us usually starches.

[Cocosurviving]

At my last job I worked in an office. I had lots of reports and deadlines to meet. I had been on my job for three years no problems. Out the blue I started getting behind in my work. I could not focus, my anxiety was high and I was forgetting to check my email. Email was one of our top form of communication. My voicemail was full and I had not returned any calls. Some days I would go to work and I would just cry. Other times I was hyper and thought I would pull it together. I would get some work done but most would be returned to me because I did it wrong. My symptoms were not during depression. It didn't matter if I was manic. I would start work then not complete it. I thought I had ADD/ADHD. Now at this time I was not taking any BP meds. I had not been diagnosed. I was diagnosed a few months later (BP1). I do take meds now and I suffer from cognitive disfunction plus the other mentioned things too. I also have brain freeze. My mom will ask me to hand her the green bowl. There are four bowls on the table and I have to process which is green. Then she'll repeat it again which stresses me out because I can not remember which is green.

Sent from iPhone 6 Plus using Tapatalk

Sorry that I have no words of wisdom, just wanted to let you know that I know what you describe all too well. It sucks. And it's scary.

Depression? Yeah, that's certainly possible since it can shoot focus and thinking ability to hell. You do say you've been having some depression and anxiety issues. Even if you feel they aren't so severe as to keep you from work, they can still mess with your processing.

One small tip from ADD world -- to have EVERYTHING have a place and to always put it there right away. It doesn't fix anything, but I've found that it can help to at least reduce the number of incidents that can set off brain freeze panic.

[Moogieotter]

Hey Copperstar! For really about two years of depression after my last hospitalization I feel I had really done a number on my brain I wasn't sure if it was side effects from the medications brain damage from drugs and alcohol but I felt that for the rest of my life I was going to be stuck with not nearly the mental capacity and cognitive function that I'd been used to.

For me, 90% of it was related to depression once I got on my current med combo and enough time had passed for me to heal and come out of the depression, I feel like I got most of it back. It sounds like the same is true for you once you get out of depression and get to a stable state you'll get The level of cognitive function that you have been used to.