Hoping for a new beginning :)

I just started Lithium and I met with my new therapist this past Monday. So far I like her, but I do miss my old one. It's really frustrating to have to go over my history all over again. I do like her approach better though. She assigns "homework" which is nice. It gives me something to do besides stress in between sessions. Since my last hospitalization I've been on a steady decline. I lost another house, I quit my job, I quit school, and I've just been all over the place.

I'm hoping that this new medication and this new therapist can really help me change my life. I found my old journal from 2012 back before I had been diagnosed, and I almost cried when I read it. I'm so tired of being that person. Nothing has changed. I'm hoping now that I've been diagnosed and that I'm seeking treatment things can be different. I just want a chance at a normal life. I turn 27 next month, and I just feel like I've wasted so much time. I'm hoping that this can be my new beginning.

My best advice is to just give it time before you decide good or bad.

I had a couple of very bad therapists in grad school who left me scared of therapy. But in 2002 there was no choice but to go to therapy. The woman I saw then was nice and did not do anything awful like the grad school therapists. She wasn't extremely effective with bipolar but I didn't realize this at the time. It was someone who was nice to me when I needed that.

After 4 years she moved to Europe and I had to change pretty abruptly. It was hard to leave someone I liked and move on to someone very different from her (I chose him and I liked him the first time I met him but he is soooooo different than her). So I went in with a friend promising to hold me accountable for sticking with him for 3 months.

It turned out that it didn't take 3 months to know things were fine with him but I am so glad that I didn't let myself judge based on early interactions because our transition was not easy. He was very different than anyone I'd ever seen before and much more willing to put his foot down and say things like "You need to be in the hospital". We had some big disagreements in those early months and there were a few times that he got very firm with me and I felt like he was mad at me. As it turned out that was not true but we had some arguments where he got pretty clearly frustrated and did not approve of my decisions and nobody had ever done that with me.

Having that 3 month period that I knew I wasn't going to quit gave us time to get used to each other and time for us to learn how each other worked. And in March it will be 10 years since those first awkward months and it still works well.

Keeping myself pretty neutral for those first months though really let me see what he was like and if I thought we were a good fit instead of trying to judge in the first few weeks like I had done in the past (always comparing them to my first psychologist who was really, really good and in some ways quite similar to this therapist).

I don't know, but it did work for me. I don't think by the terms of my agreement with my friend that I was allowed to say things like "I like him" "I don't like him (without following up with something that let my friend help me decide if there was a real problem)" etc. It was just neutral and feeling things out for those months for both of us.

I'm also new to lithium (just started yesterday) in fact I'm new to therapy and everything since I've spent my life trying desperately to stay in control. I really like the people I've worked worth so far and i hope that this is a good beginning.



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I had to rebuild from nothing in 2012 at 39. I got everything back and then some! Keep going, it can get a lot better!

moogs

I just find it so hard to believe that things will get better at this point. I know that it's just me being depressed. I'm trying to keep my head up and remind myself that this is only a moment. I know I have to keep moving forward, but right now it's just so hard. Everything around me is falling apart and I just want to fade away sometimes.

Yeah. It's the hardest stuff we face, strong depression. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders, seeking treatment and reaching out for help here. There's plenty of advice out there about depression for sure. I was lucky enough to get a job right after my last manic/psychotic episode that w supportive loved ones, got me through it. So many times I was barely showing up and going through the motions. It took some diff options of treatment and 18 months of barely holding on, but I got through it.

Good luck! Let us know if we can help!

moogs